Oh heck, yes, I am.
An attractive Loki-lookalike is lying on the bunk under a mistletoe sprig. What red-blooded American woman wouldn’t take advantage?
I’m just about to launch when the door rattles with insistent knocks.
“Who is it?” I growl with unfulfilled annoyance.
Snicker. “Alice and Syl.” Snicker.
I whip open the door against my wishes, but seriously, I can’t kiss or make out with anyone while snickers raise chills up and down my spine.
“We came to invite you and Jordan to the Santa’s elves shuffleboard tournament,” Alice says in a stern, no-nonsense voice.
Sylvester bounces on his toes. “I’ll be your partner, and Alice gets Jordan.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I might be busy,” I say, twirling my hair. “I was invited to the Christmas Ball.”
“Oh, good, we are, too,” Sylvester says. “We’re going to be—”
“Shush!” Alice hisses, long and drawn out, with an ending percussive snicker. “Don’t be giving away our surprises.” To me, she says, “The shuffleboard tournament is well before dinnertime, and the ball is after. No problem.”
“We’d love to,” Jordan answers for me.
This time, he’s the one hustling the pair out of the room.
“Now, where were we before the mistletoe shrivels up and turns blue?” Jordan slides to my side and locks his arm around me.
“Room service,” a booming voice announces with a single knock.
We jump aside as a crew member saunters in with a silver platter. “Your extra-large lobster breakfast.”
“Are they dead or alive?” I look at the claws hanging off the plate. Each lobster is sitting on top of a mound of eggs Benedict with a pile of coleslaw on the side. “Who eats lobster for breakfast?”
“Apparently, J. Reed and Guest,” the server says. “It’ll be charged to your account. Enjoy.”
Jordan rubs his hands eagerly and passes me a wrap-around bib and shell cracking instruments and picks. “I didn’t order this, but I’ll take it.”
“If you didn’t order it, and I didn’t order it, then who did? I’m sure this is expensive.”
“It’s all charged to Jade, so who cares?” Jordan replies. “Maybe she called it in or added it to our meal plan.”
“Thank you, Jade,” I exclaim. “The best revenge is to live well and succeed.”
“And who, may I ask, are you taking revenge on?” Jordan raises an eyebrow as he cracks a claw. “Hopefully, not me.”
“Oh, no, definitely not you, although you’re part of it. The revenge, I mean.”
“You’re using me to get back at your ex. How utterly obvious and droll. Why should you care what he thinks?”
“Because he dumped me and it hurts.” I squeeze the shell cracker and twist it around a lobster claw. “I wish I could claw his eyes out.”
“You want to live well and show him you’re not a loser.”
“Exactly. Which is why I came on this cruise,” I reply with my head held high. “Jade and I were going to pamper ourselves with spa treatments, fine dining, and shopping at every port. I’ve signed up for yoga, meditation, massages, manicures and pedicures, skin treatments, and more. You’re going to accompany me, to cheer me up, of course.”
A look of alarm wipes the smirk from Jordan’s face. “When does all of this start?”
“The schedule was on my phone, but the incompetent lost and found hasn’t found it yet.” I grimace at him and then narrow my eyes when he averts his gaze.
