“We have to tell the police,” Brian said. “The sheriff said it was a suspicious accident. They thought you were high or drunk, but your blood test was clean. The insurance company wants you to make a statement before they’ll pay. They thought you were crazy.”
“I’m not crazy.” She jerked back from him and narrowed her eyes.
“You just said there was nothing to do up here but to go crazy.” He blinked as if she had misunderstood something simple.
“It’s just an expression.” Cait smoothed the worry lines from between Brian’s eyebrows. “If I tell you I want to be alone, it’s only for a little while. I usually like to be around lots of people.”
“Then why are we up here all alone in the woods? Why didn’t we go home with your family?”
“I wanted to be alone with you. We have so much to get through. So much to discuss. Our marriage is on the rocks.”
“On the rocks?”
“Not literally. Not like whiskey on the rocks.” She forced a chuckle. “But everything I thought I wanted wasn’t what I really wanted. I took advantage of you. I wanted a hiding place—safely married so my parents could turn their worries to my brothers and sisters. I wanted…”
“To hide a secret. I know.”
“That’s the worst of it.” She closed her eyes. “I lied to you.”
“No, you didn’t. You just didn’t tell me, but I already knew. I have a photographic memory, and I was always watching you in high school. I knew when you snuck out of your parents’ house. You were so smart. They thought you were at drama club rehearsals.”
“You stalked me? Why?”
He lifted one shoulder and twisted his lips. “I liked you and wished you would go out with me, but I didn’t know how to ask you, and you didn’t like me.”
“But weren’t you going over to Mrs. Thornton’s house?”
“I only went to her house because you were going out with Tommy Harper.” His blue eyes narrowed in an accusing fashion.
“You and I barely spoke in high school.” Cait recoiled at the awful feeling that Brian had watched her every move while she was unaware.
“I know.”
“Do you still like me?” The thought that Brian knew her deepest shame was mortifying. How could he have married her knowing what an awful person she was? A hypocrite, pretending to be the obedient daughter, lording over her brothers and sisters, always siding with her parents while sneaking out and doing bad things.
“Yeah, and I got to marry you. I played my cards right, but after the baby went away, you didn’t need me anymore, so I stayed away. You were happier with me being gone all the time, and everything was great until Connor started bugging me.” During this entire monologue, he sounded robotic, like he was reciting lines. Maybe it was his way of not hurting her, or trying to minimize her pain.
Even so, her heart stood still, feeling exposed and raw, as if she were being judged and found wanting.
“About paying attention to me?” she finally eeked out. “You don’t really want to be doing this?”
He shrugged his trademark shrug and averted his gaze. “I want to be normal, and normal people fall in love.”
Cait winced at his honesty. It hurt, but then again, pain was what she deserved. She’d been outed as a fraud.
Maybe she didn’t know what she really wanted since she’d been hiding for so long. Hiding behind the cheerful, busybody big sister persona. Helpful, caring, generous, and gregarious. Chatty Cait, life of the Hart family, and ringmaster of activities and get-togethers.
“I want your feelings to come naturally. Not because my brother told you to make me feel loved. Or because you want to prove to the world you’re normal.” She stabbed at his chest. “Besides, you’re probably more normal than the rest of us. At least you mostly tell the truth. The rest of us say things we don’t mean.”
“I want you to be happy, and I mean it.” He tipped her chin to face him. “If you can help me figure out what love means, then maybe I’ll love you, too.”
“Right, maybe.” It was the best she could get from him, so she pasted on a smile. “We can figure it out together.”
“Just tell me what to do.”
If it were only that easy.
Cait nodded and reached for him. “Hold me and everything will be all right.”
“I can do that.” With a glint in his eye, Brian turned off the lamp. “Since you said every night is our night, can we?”
“Yes, and thanks for asking.” She cradled his head in her hands and pressed a kiss on his lips. He was too straightforward to be romantic, but he was always considerate and kind.
Maybe, at the end, that was what true love was: kindness and consideration in the light of the day and a wild man between the sheets at night.
Except she wanted more, and she would never get it from a man who had to be told what to do to love her.
