Chapter Fifteen
Cait loadedthe dogs into the Subaru while Brian shut off the propane tanks and took out the trash. It was too bad their little getaway had come to an end.
She needed to get back to her family. Brian had problems bigger than she could solve. On the outside, he was an efficient firefighter. He followed orders, drove the fire truck, and got along with all the men.
He was a decent husband to her and treated her like a good friend. It was what they’d agreed to—a friendship, a partnership, sharing a bed and having marital relations, but neither she nor he had ever declared loving or romantic feelings.
At this point, Cait wasn’t even sure she knew what romantic love felt like. But judging by the way her sisters behaved with their fiancés, and how twitterpated Connor was over Nadine, it was special, addicting, and possibly the best feeling this side of Heaven.
“All locked up.” Brian dragged a garbage bag and set it out near the curb. He returned to her side, with his hands tucked in his jacket and the wind tousling his flaming red hair.
Cait couldn’t help smiling. No matter what others thought, he was always handsome in her eyes. She was also a redhead, although with darker hair, and society was more tolerant of ginger women than men.
She held out her arms and he hugged her. For a moment, it was as if they were back before she knew of his involvement with Mrs. Thornton.
“Drive safely,” he said, leaning into a kiss.
“I will, and you, too.” She smiled while she kissed him.
“I’m not used to your banana tires, but if I can drive a fire truck, your Toyota should be no problem.” He grinned and tapped her nose. “Do you want me to follow you down the hill?”
“No, you go ahead,” Cait said. “No sense waiting for me, since I have to find Linx first. If I can’t find her, I might have to come back here.”
“Don’t wait too late.” Brian glanced at the darkening clouds. “Even though the Subaru has all-wheel drive, it’s still slippery when the rain’s pelting down on you.”
“I’ll be fine.” Cait was heartened by his concern. She stared into his light blue eyes and saw her own feelings reflected in them. “I love you, Brian. No matter what.”
He blinked and swallowed hard. “I, you know…”
“Say it. Say how you feel about me. It won’t kill you.”
“I’m not like everyone else. I can’t lie, and I don’t know how to feel these things. Sometimes, I think it’s just a word people throw around, but you know I’d do anything for you. Even leave, if you find someone who can be all those things for you.” The despair in his expression twisted his face into a grotesque mask. “I’m not normal.”
“You are just right for me.” Cait patted his chest. “I know why I married you. It’s not what you think.”
“What is it then?” The twisted look was replaced by a disbelieving one as he raised his eyebrows.
“Because I’ve always liked you from a distance, and I think it’s love.”
“You think?” He averted his gaze and pursed his lips. “Then you don’t know, and you’re only saying things because it’s socially acceptable to say you married for love.”
“You said the word ‘love.’ That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
Brian’s feet shuffled, and he tugged at the back of his collar. “I’m still trying to figure it out, but I want you to be happy.”
“I want the same for you. I want you to feel loved.” Cait let herself melt into his hug. She rested her face against his chest and they stood there, silent for a few moments.
She didn’t know why it was so important to get the words out. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t going to see him when they got home.
But everything changed today when she found out Brian allegedly had a son—one he obviously loved, despite him claiming he didn’t know that emotion.
Finding out about Mrs. Thornton abusing him brought out even more mixed emotions. She wanted to rip that woman to pieces and let the senator know exactly what his wife had done. But most of all, she wanted to protect Brian from any more hurts and pains. She wanted to cherish him and let him know that love wasn’t painful, and that he could count on her, instead of clinging to the memory of that horrible Alana and the attention she’d paid to him—so wrong.
“I need the definition of love,” Brian said, his blue eyes earnest on her. “To know how it feels. I want you to feel whatever it is, too.”
He pressed her to him and breathed into her hair, rubbing his fuzzy beard against her. She could tell he was trying to feel it, but maybe having Asperger’s syndrome meant he couldn’t.
Cait blinked back tears and closed her eyes, relishing the warmth of her husband’s arms. He was trying to make her feel loved. To the best of his ability, he tried, and maybe she could convince herself that was enough.
