“Justnamasteher back,” Nick suggested.
“Namaste,” Kellen repeated.
She beamed at him. “If you want your sis-uspect to tell you what you need to know, you need to meet her where she is.”
“She’s at my condo. But I couldn’t get her to talk there,” Kellen said.
Blossom picked up the Fool and fanned herself with it. “What I meant was where is she emotionally? Spiritually? If she’s scared, you need to find a way to make her trust you.”
“Hey, Bloss, why don’t you get him that vulnerability tea your cousin made you?” Roger suggested.
Nick smothered a grin when it looked like Kellen was about to burst a blood vessel.
“What a great idea, Roger!” Blossom said. She pressed a kiss to the top of his head and skipped to the basement door.
The three men did what three men who didn’t know each other well and were stuck in a room together with no wives or televisions did. They sat in silence.
Nick got up and dumped his tea.
“Psst.”
Nick and Kellen looked up at Roger, who put his elbows on the kitchen table. “Now listen. I’m gonna tell you how to crack a woman like an egg, but you two are never to use this against my wife or daughters. Got it?”
“Got it,” Kellen said.
“I can’t promise that,” Nick said.
“Here’s what you do,” Roger began. “First you open a bottle of wine and you pour her a glass all casual-like.”
Kellen pulled his case notebook out of his jacket pocket and started writing. “Red or white?”
Roger shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Is the wine important? Can it be beer or liquor?” Nick asked.
“Wine is best. Liquor can take a gal from buzzed to shitfaced way too quick. Beer makes it seem like it’s more about you, plus it’s burpy. Wine’ll make her feel fancy. It’ll look like you’re doing something just for her.”
“Then what?” Kellen prompted.
“Then you give her the wine and tell her you thought she deserved it since she looks a little stressed out. Then, depending on your relationship, you either give her a little foot rub or maybe offer her some kind of snack. Don’t try to rub feet that belong to your mom or your boss or really any female relative or coworker. Stick with fancy chocolate for them.”
Nick suddenly wished he was writing this down too. “Can I have your notes when you’re done?” he asked Kellen.
“Shut up and let the man speak, Nicky.”
“So you got your wine, your foot rub or your chocolates. Then you ask her an easy question. Something about whatever she was talking about recently. A movie. A friend. That dumbass in accounting. Something that subtly reminds her that you listen to her.”
Kellen nodded as he wrote.
Nick fumbled with the recorder app on his phone.
“When she answers, look her in the eye and listen enough to be able to paraphrase it back to her. Look at me, I care enough about you to notice your feelings and give you space to talk about them. I call it ALECTO:Ask. Listen. Eye Contact. Top Off.”
Nick was new to relationships, but this sounded crazy enough to work.
“You top off her wine and do it all over again. Maybe you share something about your day. Something dumb that you don’t care about. Like your brother called, and you told him he was being a dumbass. Women love shit like that.”
“Shit like sharing?” Kellen clarified.
