“That’s my dad’s spite cow,” Riley explained to Fred. “He got it to annoy the lady next door.”
Chelsea Strump’s house was an immaculate two-story with a front porch she never sat on because she hated all of her neighbors. Her lawn was the only one on the street that still bore any resemblance to actual grass. August in Pennsylvania was hell on landscaping.
“No tarot readings. No second helpings. We get in and get out,” Riley reminded them as they trooped up the porch steps.
“Aww,” Fred whined. His toupee was on sideways. The part ran from ear to ear like an equator.
“Let’s get this over with.” Riley sighed, squeezing Nick’s hand for courage. Her grip was weak from the gun range. But Nick had stayed true to his word. He hadn’t let her quit until she’d hit the target with all six shots. Sure, they’d been all over the freaking place. But it still counted, and she actually felt proud of the effort. Proud enough that she was sure she could handle anything Elanora doled out at dinner.
She gave a cursory knock and then opened the door.
It was eerily silent inside.
“Hello?” she called.
There was a beat of silence, and then her grandmother’s voice came from the kitchen. “You will join us in the kitchen.”
Burt sniffed the air with suspicion. Riley did the same. “Do you smell that?” she asked Nick.
“I don’t smell anything,” he said.
“Me either. No cabbage. No quinoa. I don’t smell dinner.”
“Maybe it’s fresh vegetables and green juice,” he whispered back as they cautiously approached the kitchen.
Burt trotted ahead, tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth. He stopped in his tracks at the doorway to the kitchen and backed into Nick’s legs.
“What’s the matter, buddy?” Nick asked.
“Oh, boy,” Riley said under her breath.
Her entire family was seated around the table. Elanora was at the head in her father’s chair. Roger was seated at the foot. His hands were fisted on the table as if they held invisible utensils. Blossom sat on her mother’s right. Her sister, Wander, on Elanora’s left. Wander’s three daughters—Rain, River, and Janet—were pouting at a child-sized table in front of the sliding doors that led to the backyard. Daisy the cow was on the deck, pressing her wet nose against the door.
“Moo!”
It sounded like a warning.
“You’re late,” Elanora said. “And you brought an extra guest. That’s incredibly rude.”
Fred poked his head around Riley’s shoulder and waved. “I heard there was an attractive single lady who might need some flirtation.” He whipped out a tube of breath spray and doused his mouth suggestively.
Riley fought back the urge to barf.
“Uh. Where’s dinner?” she asked.
Wander’s brown eyes were telegraphing an emergency S-O-S to her. But it got interrupted when she spotted Gabe. Wander went all gooey and smiley.
“You will all sit,” her grandmother ordered. “But since there are too many of you, one must join the children.” She said the word “children” like it was a synonym for “demons.”
“Dibs,” Nick said, pressing a kiss to Riley’s cheek.
“Traitor,” she whispered after him.
Riley let Gabe have the seat next to Wander while Fred dragged a chair around and stuffed it into the corner between Elanora and Blossom.
“Now what?” Riley asked. If they weren’t eating, she and her little entourage could get out of here faster than she thought.
“Because my family and those they hold company with have become such lazy gluttons, we will be participating in a silent fast,” Elanora announced.
