“I think I’m feeling every feeling in the world right now. I don’t even know what makes sense to feel at this point. I’m devastated for him. I can’t imagine a loss of that magnitude, especially in that situation.”
She sighed heavily. “But I’m also mad or disappointed or maybe scared that he tried to keep this all to himself. I mean, it wasn’t just him who lost her. It was all of you. And then to top off everything else with some self-centeredness, I feel selfishly sad that Luke is the love of my life, but he’s already had that with someone else. Someone who is so sacred to him he can’t talk about her.”
Harper took a deep gulp of her drink and choked. “Did you forget to add the Coke?”
Sophie laughed. “This is a Jack and Jack with a teeny layer of Coke.”
“So I know whathappened,” she said, using air quotes. “But could you tell me what happened? Is that okay?”
Sophie nodded. “I think you need to know. It’s well past time that Luke should be allowed to carry around secrets and hide from us all. I’m sorry you’re hearing it from me and not him.”
She stared off into the night sky. “The plan was Karen was going to meet me, my parents, and Joni — her mom — at the drop-off about half an hour before Luke’s bus came in. Ty was working, and at the time, we were broken up. Karen was bringing the welcome home sign. I had a bunch of helium balloons in the back seat of my car. She was a stickler for being early, so when she didn’t show I got nervous. I heard the sirens and knew something was wrong. Just this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“The bus was pulling into the lot and my phone starts ringing. It’s Ty. He was on the scene. He told me she was dead. I just kind of collapsed onto the pavement. Ty is talking in my ear, but all I hear is blood rushing to my head. Mom is trying to pull me up. Thinks I’m having some kind of seizure or something.
“And then Luke gets off the bus. He’s got a mile-wide grin on his face until he locks eyes with me.” Sophie took a steadying breath as tears welled up.
“I swear to God, he just looked at me and knew. He started shaking his head and running. I was just hysterical and crying. He grabbed me by the shoulders. Ty was still on the phone. And all I could say to Luke was ‘Karen’ and I handed him the phone.”
Harper reached a hand across the table and laid it on Sophie’s. “I’m so, so sorry, Soph.”
“I will never forget his eyes when he heard the words. The light died right out of them and I just kept thinking he would never be the same after this.
“I think that’s why we let him get away with locking himself up and keeping us at arm’s length. His life was destroyed in front of us and we’re just so grateful we still have him. I think they were thinking about starting a family. They kept it pretty hush-hush, but I had a feeling that they’d start ‘trying’ when he was home again.”
“Were you afraid he would ...” Harper trailed off. She couldn’t even finish the thought let alone the sentence.
“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. He didn’t answer his phone for days. Wouldn’t answer his door. He took care of all of the funeral plans himself and just told us when and where to be.”
“What about Joni?”
“That went about as bad as it could have. Karen was Joni’s only child and they were so close. Karen’s father had skipped out on them when she was a kid. Luke shut her out with the rest of us, and at the graveside, Joni lost it. She told Luke it was his fault that Karen wasn’t here. That he chose his country over his wife and that’s why her family was gone.”
Harper brought her hands to her mouth. “He believed her. Didn’t he?”
“I can’t say for sure because he never spoke about it, but yeah. I think he thought he was to blame.
“She was sobbing and yelling ‘You took my family from me.’ He just stood there and took it. Like it was penance. Dad got her away and calmed down, and that was the end of it. She never spoke to any of us again. She lives just outside of town and I still see her occasionally. She just kind of shrinks up and goes in the opposite direction when she sees me. Like I’m just too painful a reminder.”
“How did you cope with it?” Harper asked, braving another sip of Jack.
“I married Ty. We had been off and on in typical high school sweetheart fashion. We were off again at that point. I was worried that I was missing out on what else was out there. But when he called me that day ... he came to the house after his shift that night and we stayed up all night talking on the porch. It was like we both had realized how short life was and how we were just wasting time doing what we were doing. He proposed a month later and we got married six months after that.”
She shifted on the bench. “Part of me had hoped that a big, splashy wedding full of love and happiness would help bring Luke back to life. He was a groomsman and he did his part. But you looked at him and all you saw was a hole where his heart should have been.
“Sometimes I look at Ty and wonder if that’s how I would be if something happened to him. I love that man so much. He is such a good, solid, kind-hearted soul. And he’s not afraid to get in my way and tell me when I’m being an idiot. He’s an amazing father and sometimes I just send up a little thank you to Karen, because if it weren’t for her, I might have stayed stupid and stubborn and wanting to see what else was out there instead of hanging on to what was in front of me.”
Harper smiled. “I’ve never heard you get so mushy before.”
Sophie laughed and swiped at a stray tear. “I’ll deny it if you ever share a word of this!”
“You’ve got a good heart, Sophie Garrison Adler.”
“It’s nothing compared to Ty’s. Or Luke’s. Every once in a while, you can still see a glimpse of it.”
Harper nodded and thought of her first look at him. Those warm hazel eyes filled with concern as he hovered over her in the parking lot. Yeah, he still had a big heart in there. It was just behind a locked door.
“I see it sometimes in the way he looks at you,” Sophie said suddenly.
