“How is he?” Colton asks.
“He’s terrible!” the doctor says, like Colton is an idiot. “Sit with him at least. Hold him. He needs you!”
Graham doesn’t need him, though. Graham wanted to be alone. He’d give anything to have Graham be his. They hadn’t even gotten started with each other and it was already one of the most intense sexual experiences he’s ever had.
If someone told him he’d be in this situation less than 24 hours later, he wouldn’t have believed them. He’d have said it was impossible because the connection between him and Graham was too strong.
But that’s wrong. He wants to touch Graham, wants to beg him for forgiveness. He doesn’t even care that Graham’s anger is unfair.
Graham is meant to be his. Graham should be possessive. If he’d found out that Graham had been with someone else since they met he’d be pissed off, too.
He wants Graham to want him, to turn that perfection his way so he can bask in it for a little while longer.
Graham feels above him,isabove him, not just professionally and in age, but he’s so removed and his submission has to be cracked open, requires care and control on his Dominant’s part. He isn’t an eager slut like Jonah. He’s real. A challenge. He’s the sort of man that would keep Colton on his toes, would require everything from him, and his designation is drawn to that. The things he wants to do to Graham?—
“I think you’re being overcautious. It does you great credit to be so careful, but he needs you now. This isn’t just a personal relationship but your obligation to him as a Dominant. He is in need. You’ve both signed contracts. Do your job,” Mack says.
“I’m not stupid. I know that isn’t how it works, and so do you. He has to consent. He revoked it.”
Mack rubs his hand over his face and then through his hair. The pause feels endless and Colton realizes they’re all waiting for Mack to decide and tell them what to do. The doctor, Colton, even Graham.
“The problem is that he’s fucked up, too,” Mack says, jerking his thumb toward Colton. Then he turns to Colton, meets his gaze. They’re the same height. “I understand you’re worried and care for him. You’re young and he’s… complicated. But, Ipromiseyou, he wants this. If you were level, you’d know it, too.”
“I’m fine,” Colton declares. “I’m not dropping or having a reaction. I’m doing the right thing here!” There’s a small voice in the back of his head telling him this whole thing is wrong and off. His heart is pounding, his hand is shaking and that means something. But he can’t lose Graham. Which means he can’t take the risk even if he isn’t thinking clearly.
“Look, Colton. I’ve been a Dominant for half my life. I’ve seen it all. And I’ve known Graham for years. He’s never reacted to anyone like he reacts to you. It’s real. I know his submission doesn’t feel certain and your dominance is equally fucked. Trust me if you can’t trust yourself.Ithink your judgment is clouded. Let’s check you. If I’m right then you’re going to do it my way and take care of him how I tell you to. If I’m wrong we’ll take him to medical. Agreed?” Mack sticks out his hand, as if they’re going to shake on a bargain.
Colton clenches his hand into a fist so he doesn’t obey. Shit, he might be fucked up. It happens. Designation makes men irrational, can exacerbate all emotions, not just rage and lust.
“Come on, Colton. We don’t have a lot of time. He’s in pain. You’re fine. We’re gonna know for sure. Then this will be over.” Mack’s dominance is urging him to comply and Colton must befucked up because he wants to lean into the man’s dominance and let Mack decide.
He shakes his head, wanting the sensation to go away. “And then what, you have me help him because we’rebothdropping? No. It isn’t that simple. Besides, it’s not like he’s used to having a Dominant. He’s used to drugs and working through it on his own.”
Colton might throw up. Is he really advocating letting Graham go back to the way things were? Dysfunctional and torturous? That can’t be right, but he doesn’t know whatisright!
“How about you tell him Graham’s prognosis in the hospital, Doc,” Mack says.
The doctor steps closer. “Well, the drugs are not good for him. If I move him to the hospital, pump him full of drugs and arousal stimulants, he’ll be in physical and mental pain for days as we force his body to do what it needs to do. He’s not going to come easily, he’s clearly in emotional distress as well as physical distress, and if ever there was a time when he needed you, this is it.” The doctor is matter-of-fact, serious, and Colton still doesn’t know what’s right.
“I just don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want him to hate me.” His voice is shaking and he wipes his face, nods gratefully when Mack pulls a packet of tissues from his pocket and hands Colton one.
“You’re lucky I have any left,” Mack says, patting him heavily on the shoulder like they’re pals. “Christ, what a fucking day. So,look, I’ve done this for a long time and I’ve seen it all. Plus, I’ve seen Graham fall apart and I’ve visited him in the hospital. He’s a friend. So you don’t want to fuck Graham yet, that’s okay. Two weeks from now you’ll know his body inside and out and you won’t hesitate to take what you both need.” He pauses. Is that a flash of uncertainty?
“Okay. How about this,” Mack says, still bargaining. “We get him out of here and to the hospital, but that’s going to take a bit of time. We’re not ready to transport him yet. Lay with him until we’re ready. Let him sleep beside you if nothing else. It will help. Touch is essential for survival. All people are that way. Submissives, those who require more touch and affection, more physical and emotional engagement than the rest of us, need it even more. Can you at least do that for him?”
Colton nods. Yes, he can do that. And he should. Graham might not want Colton to take care of him, but Colton doesn’t want to let him go. And if he gets Graham for a little bit longer, then he’s just enough of a bastard to take it.
“I can do that,” he says. It’s the most selfish decision he can make.
“Great. Good. Lay with him. We’ll make arrangements for transportation and come back in about half an hour. Okay?” Mack says and puts a hand on Colton’s shoulder. He squeezes him reassuringly.
Colton nods. “I thought… medical came in with me?”
“That was for someone else,” Mack says quickly. He might be lying. Colton wants to lie down with Graham, hold him one last time because he’s lost the submissive for sure now, hasn’t he?
“Okay.”
“Good. Shirt off. And his, too. Doc, you want to cut his shirt off and save us all some time?” Mack asks. The doctor obeys, cuts Graham’s shirt off so he’s naked and beautiful, laid out like an offering.
