“I hope so. She seems genuinely sorry. Said she can’t sleep at night because when she closes her eyes, all she sees is Sean’s mangled body.”
“Hard way to learn a lesson. Let me know when her court date is.”
“Will do. Anything else, Chief?”
“No, just be back a few minutes before five.”
I got busy planning my meeting with Moody, half hoping he’d come at me so I could throw his ass in jail. If nothing else, it helped keep my mind off Jenny. For a while. But she was there in my thoughts, refusing to go away. I kept asking myself one question. What if I did tell Jenny I’d wait for her? What was the worst that could happen? She’d meet someone and fall in love. If that happened, I didn’t want her to feel guilty.
As far as I knew, she’d never been in love. I had. It was a wonderful and beautiful thing to love someone, until they didn’t love you anymore. Then it was like walking into a wasteland where everything was dead. But it didn’t have to be that way for Jenny.
The right thing to do was to let her go.
37
~ Jenny ~
How was it December already? I think the last two months passed so fast because of my time with Dylan. Time really does fly when you’re having fun, I guess. I’d only left him this morning, and already I was missing him. It was cowardly of me to take off, leaving a crappy note. I should have told him to his face that I needed time away from him, but I was afraid I’d admit to how I really felt about him. If he knew he was halfway to stealing my heart, he might try to talk me out of going, and I might agree. I think if that happened, the guilt would eat away at me for breaking my promise to Natalie.
It was finally starting to feel like winter. We’d had a few snow flurries this morning, but they’d melted before hitting the ground. I glanced out the window. The trees were bare, the mountains an ugly brown. As soon as Autumn and Brian were married, I’d go. I’d even turned in my notice to Angelo. He wasn’t happy, but I’d never hid my plans from him.
Travel brochures I’d collected over the years covered my kitchen table. I sipped my coffee, staring at the budget up on my laptop screen that I’d made for my world tour with a sense of excitement and dread. My tips during leaf season had been exceptionally good. Adding the money my parents had gifted me toward my trip, I had surpassed my goal. That would mean I could travel longer than I’d planned.
That should make me happy, but it didn’t. Why did I have to meet the perfect man now? If Dylan had waited to walk into my life in a year or two, it would have been perfect. Would he even consider waiting for me? A year would go by fast, right? No, that wouldn’t be fair to him.
“Damn it.” I squeezed my eyes shut against the sting of tears. How did one choose between a promise made to the most important person in my life and love? Not that I loved Dylan yet… Okay, maybe a little. I just didn’t know. What if I gave up my dream, Dylan and I got married, and ten years later ended up divorced?
A hysterical-sounding laugh burst out of me at having us already married. After what he’d been through, the last thing he probably wanted was another wife. In which case, there really wasn’t a future for us, just some good times until he moved on. Should I risk my dream on the slim chance that Dylan and I could find something special that would last a lifetime?
My phone rang, Autumn’s name coming up on the screen. “Hey.”
“What’s wrong?”
“You got that from one word how?” I heard Autumn’s snort in my ear and couldn’t help grinning.
“Because I know all your heys and that wasn’t a happy one. I just finished my last appointment, so I’m going to swing by Mary’s, get us some of her mouthwatering chocolate cheesecake slices. Be there in twenty. Have me a glass of wine poured.”
She hung up before I could protest. Autumn was an interior designer, a good one. She’d helped me make my tiny apartment cozy on very little money. There was no one I’d rather pour my heart out to right now than her, unless Savannah was here, too, to join us.
“Let’s call Savannah,” I said as soon as Autumn walked in the door.
She handed me a white paper bag. “Cheesecake and wine first, then we’ll call her. Mary said, ‘Tell Jenn the answers are in the stars.’ I just dug my nails into my palms to keep from going bug-eyed on her. What does she know that I don’t?”
“I don’t know how to read the stars.” If only I could, then maybe I’d be able to see a future with Dylan. My lips quivered. “How does she even know I need answers?”
“The woman’s spooky, that’s for sure.” Autumn wrapped her arms around me, giving me a bestie hug. “Whatever this is, we’ll figure it out, okay? As soon as we eat.” She eyed the cheesecake slices as I put them on a plate. “That’s at least five pounds right there that I shouldn’t touch if I want to fit into my wedding gown, but you mean more to me than a dress.”
God, I loved her. Without Autumn, I’m not sure I would have survived losing Natalie. My parents had been wrapped up in their own grief, and I hadn’t wanted to add to their sadness. Savannah had been there for a few days, but then she’d left for New York. It had been mostly Autumn I’d turned to. She had held me, cried with me, sometimes rocking me like a baby during the hardest days of my life. I burst into tears, suddenly missing my twin with a bone-deep ache.
“Oh, sweetie, you’re thinking of Natalie, aren’t you?”
Unable to speak, I nodded.
She picked up one of the glasses I’d filled with wine, handing it to me. “Drink up, then start talking.”
I downed half the wine. Setting the glass back on the table, I buried my face in my hands. Somehow, between sobs, I managed to tell her how torn I was between Dylan and my promise to Natalie. “I don’t…” I peered at her through watery tears. “I don’t know what to do. I could love him, Autumn. Like I’ve never loved another man. But I promised Natalie I’d go to all the places we dreamed of going together.”
“Sweetie, the two of you were barely out of high school when you made that promise. Loving a man forever wasn’t even on the horizon for either of you to take into account. If Natalie knew what Dylan meant to you, she’d be the first to tell you to go for it.”
