She smiled the way she used to when everything was right between us.“That means everything to me, but can you ever forgive me for what I did?”
I hadn’t thought I ever could, but a woman with red hair and laughter dancing in her green eyes crystalized in my mind. The truth settled in my heart. If I couldn’t forgive Christine, I’d never let her go, and I didn’t want her standing between Jenny and me. For the first time, I was ready to let go of my wife.
“I loved you with everything I was, Christine. You know that. I never gave us a chance to find our way back to what we’d had together. For that, I’m sorry. I don’t hate you anymore. You’ll always own a piece of my heart, but we need to let each other go.”
“But can you forgive me?”
If she’d asked me that one day ago, my answer would have been no. I’m not sure what changed. Maybe that I was tired of holding on to my misery. Maybe because I’d flown with an owl, reminding me that I liked being happy. Or maybe it was because I wanted that green-eyed girl in my bed without a ghost between us.
“I forgive you, Christine. I do.”
She disappeared. I knew she’d never come back.
The clock said it was 3:00 a.m. when I eyed it. As I sat there in the middle of my bed, I made a mental rundown of my vitals. My breathing was calm, my heart softly beat, and my mind was blessedly free of the guilt that had lived with me for the past two years.
My therapist had told me that her visits were a creation of my mind and that this would happen when I could both forgive her and myself. He turned out to be a smarter man than I’d given him credit for.
“Be at peace, Christine,” I whispered, sitting there alone in the dark.
Hoo. Hoo, the owl said, sounding as if he were right outside my window.
I smiled, wondering if he knew I’d flown with him tonight. Christine would always be a part of me, would always own a piece of my heart. That I hadn’t lied about. But she was finally resting in peace. I punched my pillow back into the shape I wanted, then went back to sleep, dream-free.
“So you’re just goingto let her go free after she murdered Billy?”
I came close to telling Moody that he needed a good mouthwash and get the hell out of my face. Since I was in my new Zen state, I just shrugged. “I’m not her judge or jury, Moody. She made bail and she has an attorney.”
He fisted his hands as if he planned to plant one on my face. I could look mean when the situation called for it, which this did. Narrowing my eyes, letting them go cold, I poked him in the chest. “Back off. That’s an order.”
“You son of—”
“I don’t think you want to finish that sentence,Captain”—emphasis on the Captain because his ability to use that title was limited to how soon I could fire him—“because if you do…”
Okay, I’d lost my cool, which wasn’t at all cool. I took a deep breath. We were in the bull pen with my other cops looking on, and I’d almost told my captain that I was going to knock him on his damn ass. Every single one of them looked ready to start placing bets on the outcome of a fight between Moody and me.
“In my office,” I said to Moody. “The rest of you, find something constructive to do.” Apparently they knew I meant business because they scurried off like rats. I stalked Moody down the hall, closing the door behind me after we’d both stepped into my office.
The only thing this man understood was brute force. I invaded his space, backing his fat ass against the wall. “You want to take me on, be at Valley Gym tonight at six. Otherwise, Captain, you need to keep your mouth shut. Don’t ever disrespect me like that again.”
He clamped down on his bottom lip so hard that a trickle of blood dripped down his chin, but he kept his mouth shut. Lucky for him I’d woken up in a good mood, willing to give him leeway that I wouldn’t have yesterday.
I stepped back. “Do we understand each other?” I didn’t doubt that there were a thousand words he wanted to spit at me, but he only nodded. “Good. See yourself out.”
Since I’d made the challenge, I was at Valley Gym at six, but Moody never showed. At least he wasn’t totally stupid. I worked out for an hour before going home. Christine didn’t visit that night, and I knew she wouldn’t be back again. Nor did I fly with my owl, which was disappointing.
Dressedin a dark gray pin-striped power suit, white shirt, and red tie, I walked into the town hall building Thursday night, taking a seat near the front. Two councilmen were already at the table, deep in conversation, one of whom I knew was Adam Hunter, since I’d studied up on the councilmen.
The meeting wouldn’t start for another five minutes, so I took out my phone, tapped the screen for a few seconds, then decided what the hell.
Thinking about you and fireworks
She would be busy at the bar and wouldn’t see my text until later. Would she answer? I switched the phone to vibrate, then dropped it into my coat pocket. Although I’d been tempted to stop by Vincennes for a quick bite before this meeting, just to see Jenny, I’d resisted. Absence made the heart grow fonder and all that. I was hoping she’d miss me between now and Saturday.
The mayor came in, gave me a curt nod as he passed to take his seat at the table. So Jim John was still annoyed with me for how I’d pushed my way into this meeting. He’d get over it soon enough. Buddy Ferguson and Freddie Barnes walked in together. I nodded to them both.
Peanut Man was a sly fox. I’d stopped by his stand—Friendly Freddie’s—this morning as promised, and he hadn’t said a word about tonight’s meeting even though he was aware I was on the agenda. I’d had Buddy make sure each councilman had a copy of my new budget to study. Although I knew Freddie was one of the three—having done my homework—I hadn’t mentioned it either.
As for boiled peanuts, they were just weird. Not bad tasting, but peanuts should be dry and crunchy, not wet and mushy. I’d sat on a barrel for an hour, eating the damn things while listening to Freddie tell me the story of his life.
