“That’s Nate for you. He’s the most generous guy I know. He’s also practically a doomsday prepper, so, you know, balance in the force.”
I chuckle. “How so?”
“It’s part of them having gotten stuck on the elevator. They’re all about having Swiss Army knives and emergency supplies everywhere they go now, because they’re both too afraid of losing each other. It’s kind of romantic.”
“And only slightly paranoid,” I add.
She shrugs, looking at her smiling friend. “I think when you really love someone, you’ll do anything to minimize the risks that could take them from you. No matter how paranoid.”
“That’s not how it works, though. No matter what you do, the other person still has agency. Or a condition that limits their agency. And that’s to say nothing of accidents. You can do everything right, and something could still happen.”
“That doesn’t mean you don’t try,” she says.
I shake my head. “That way lies madness.”
“It’s not madness. It’s love.”
“It’s overwhelming. You spend your whole life second-guessing yourself, constantly questioning every choice you make, worrying if you’re responsible for other people’s decisions, if you’re at fault for every twist of fate. Hope turns into a fixation. Love becomes neurosis. It’s too much pressure!”
Liesel gives me a sad look. “Is that how you felt? With your mom?”
I feel like I’ve just stripped naked and streaked across the stadium. “I don’t know. I’m just saying.”
“Ah, okay.”
Stupid Cooper! Just open up!
A bell rings, and the volunteer coordinator calls us all back into the center of the warehouse.
“Looks like that’s our call,” I say.
She squeezes my hand and smiles. I smile back, all the way to my eyes.
So why does that make her frown?
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
LIESEL
“Thanks to your efforts,” the volunteer coordinator says. “We packed 400 meals for children and families this afternoon. Give yourselves a hand!”
We all cheer, and one of the coordinators rings a bell, adding some excitement to the feelings of love and warmth in the air.
The lights dim, and then a projector opposite us shows a video of the many communities the charity serves. We see kids eating the meals that have been provided, as well as artisans in those communities hand-making beautiful crafts. The crafts are bought by the charity and sold in the stores of every Feeding Futures warehouse to help further benefit those communities. Beaded wire-framed animals and wooden charcuterie boards from countries in Africa; ornaments from Costa Rica and Nicaragua; tea towels and threaded bracelets from Asia.
“My mom would love those,” Coop says quietly.
“Which ones?”
“All of them,” he says.
When the video is over, the coordinator gives us one last thanks.
“Two thousand years ago, the world was given the greatest of all gifts. Today, you have honored that gift by giving hope and joy to others. That is the true spirit of Christmas.”
Juliet puts her head on Nate’s shoulder, and he kisses her crown, and the feeling I’ve been ignoring since that dang cocktail party fights its way to the surface:
I want that.
