By the time we hit the fog outside, Lexy and Michelle are already cackling at how fast my pink parts have raced across the internet.
“What the hell?” I snatch the phone out of Lexy’s hand and gasp as I see a hashtag that reads #drunkSkyla. I click on it, and sure enough, there are a plethora of pictures of my body that are clearly X-rated in nature—triple X-rated if you want to get technical. And if I scroll down, I see a few of myself—when I was actually still in my body—doubled over at what looks to be some of Ellis Harrison’s parties. “Great,” I snip. Now my kids will have this dark history to look forward to one day. “This has gone too far. I’m going to murder her.”
“What?” Lex takes her phone back. “This is gold.” She nods to where Bree and Rory are spastically trying to put their clothes back on. “Who the hell cares? It’s Skyla. She’s taken Logan from me. There are some sins that are simply unforgiveable, and that’s one of them. He told me himself that if it wasn’t for Skyla we’d be together.”
Michelle gasps. “You should totally off her.”
I think on this a moment. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing to hop on the murderous express? If Lexy killed me, I could hop back into my body once Rory got the big spiritual heave-ho. And then I’d make sure Lexy was caught for attempted manslaughter and the police could lock her up and throw away the key. It sounds like a win-win to me.
Please,Chloe grunts.Lexy isn’t a trained assassin. If anything, she’d screw it up and you’d end up with a body that was rendered useless. You’d need an expert at homicide to work this out for you, and that would be me. But I’m certainly detained, and I’m also not in the mood for prison.
“Fine,” I mutter under my breath and Lexy’s eyes light up.
“So you’ll do it? You’ll off Messenger for me?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Chloe groans, or screams—right about now it sounded just the same.I told you not to mess with my life.
Michelle lifts a shoulder my way. “I might just like you again. How should we do it?”
Lexy slaps her hands together. “I’ll come up with the details. Thanks, Chloe, I knew you’d have my back.”
The two of them take off, and I cringe.
See that? I’ll be implicated. An accessory to a crime I’m not even in charge of. That’s what pussies go to prison for.
Nobody is going to prison,I tell her.I’ll make them knock it off.
I spot Laken on the phone nearby. She’s probably checking on her children, which is exactly what I would be doing if it wasn’t for Rory’s stupid shenanigans, and I’m talking about the first stupid shenanigan she initiated which was my death—although, sleeping with Gage all of last year qualifies, too.
I stride over to where Lexy and Michelle have congregated.
“Nobody is killing Messenger,” I say. “She’s trying her best to save all of your sorry asses, and if you can’t see that, maybe it’s you I should be plotting to kill.”
Watch it, Messenger,Chloe snips it low like a threat, but I choose to ignore her for the moment.
Nat comes up with a glass of champagne in her hand. “I needed a refill. What’d I miss?”
“Skyla’s bits and pieces have been broadcast to the nations,” I grunt. “Her children will forever have to bear that hairy cross, and now these two turkeys think the answer is slaughtering Messenger in her sleep.”
Lex shakes her head. “I’ll make sure she’s wide awake to experience her worst nightmare—just the way I was wide awake to experience it when she stole Logan.”
Nat gives a wide-eyed blink. “You bitches are psycho. Yes, Messenger can be an asshole as evidenced by those pictures that will live in infamy, but nobody offs her or I off them. Got it? And by the way, in the event you do off her without my expressed permission, I didn’t hear a thing.” She stalks off toward Bree and seemingly me.
“Then it’s settled,” I say. “Skyla lives.” I glower over at Rory. “Now let’s get on with the evening.”
We take Rory to the dive bar across the street with promises of some serious banana hammock action, and boy, does it ever deliver. And then it hits me. This is the exact same place I was in during the bachelorette party Laken had before she married Coop. I was having some serious mindbenders no thanks to the Fem lineage my poor boys were suspect to, and I hallucinated seeing Marshall, Logan, and Gage up on stage shaking their junk. Although, none of those boys have any junk attached to their bodies. It is all solid gold—premium stuff straight from Heaven.
I spend the rest of the time daydreaming as a parade of penises swirls through my mind. Marshall’s penis is on hold indefinitely. Gage is just a dick. And Logan—I can’t wait until I can take a seat over his lap and—
Way to keep it G, Messenger. Show’s over, get us the hell of out of here. I say you follow Rory home and beat her up. That sounds like the perfect way to round out the night.
I’d agree, but I’d hate to hurt my face before the wedding. Lexy ironically will be the photographer, and now I wonder if she’ll be shooting more than a few quick pictures.
We head back to Paragon and Nat, Michelle, and Lex catch the first car home, where I’m sure they have a colorful conversation in which my slow death is the prized topic. I hitch a ride with Laken and Rory, and we drop off Laken first.
I lean her way as she’s getting out of the car and whisperthank you.
