Ree
May 21st
Peter had another seminar in Manhattan yesterday, and in a fit of nostalgia—and longing to have a sexy escape with my husband, I joined him. I arranged for Kelly to show just after nine. Peter drove out at six thirty. I didn’t tell him I would be inviting myself as his plus one, but then, I didn’t think I had to. I thought what fun! How totally awesome to surprise a man who can never be surprised! I could hardly wait to see him. I treated myself to coffee and lunch in midtown, bought a new pair of shoes in an upscale boutique—a treat I felt I had earned after a long week with the twins. Who are we kidding? A long eight years! I jest! Not really, but that derails my point. I had earned them, and they were delicious, calling out to me in that cantaloupe color I crave on occasion. So I put them on, drove to Javits Center, and made my way to the convention floor where I knew I would find my husband, but he never showed. I asked the girls in charge to please let me know if he made it to the meeting, and they looked at me as if I were a certifiable stalker. So I did the only thing I could think to do without ruining the surprise. I scouted his services location. He was miles away, close to the pricey cantaloupe shoe shop (which burned me. Do you know how futile driving in the city is? It feels like a slow death). But I found him. At Renata’s restaurant—coming out of Renata’s just as I ran up the block. (Have I mentioned parking is impossible?) I found him.
I don’t know how to say this. I don’t want to. For some reason, putting it down in black and white makes it feel so real, so final. I saw Peter walking along the street with his arm around the shoulders of a tiny brunette. My God, at first glance, I thought she was a child! A prepubescent teenager in the least. She was young. Younger than me. Pretty from afar. You know the type, va va voom figure, curvy but not stalky. Hair for miles. I froze in the street like a stop sign. My heart thumped wildly in my ears, eating away the sound of the traffic. The people bustling around me melted away like snow. At first, I thought this is simply a colleague. Someone from dental school perhaps? But then, his hand slipped down to the small of her back. So very intimate, and I knew.
All of my dark suspicions had been realized in that moment. I have never felt good enough for Peter. Not pretty enough, certainly not smart enough, not enough as a whole.
What had gone wrong? If I was lacking in bed, one would think he would have the decency to let me in on it and then teach me what he wanted. How had this become our life? I followed them a half a block before they ducked into the Grand Regency, and I couldn’t breathe. My feet stalled again like a car with a bad engine. A part of me wanted to run in screaming. A part of me was over it, done with Peter altogether. But the very reason I came to Manhattan to begin with was nestled deep inside of me. I was going to surprise Peter with our big news. And it was me who was left speechless.
Surprise!
“Ree?” Bram calls from the hall, and I’m quick to close the book and bury it in its tomb beneath a pile of sweaters. I step into my heels, trot out to the mirror, and inspect my black cocktail dress, my simple string of pearls.
He steps in, his cologne permeating the space between us before he ever arrives, and then there he is, a sports coat, dark inky jeans, those gorgeous low-cut boots I bought him for Christmas. His hair is still glossed from the shower, slicked back, his face peppered with dark stubble the way I love it, and it makes his eyes glow ten times brighter. Bram is a vision, and yet my heart sinks at the sight of him.
“I’m ready.” I snap my clutch off the dresser, and we head out the door together.
* * *
The fundraiserthat the Blue Chandelier is putting on is being held on the waterfront. The boardwalk has been transformed with miles of tables that hold items for a silent auction, and the people of Percy Bay have come out in number to help with the cause. It’s a family event, so there are plenty of kids here, all neatly compartmentalized in a large grassy field with a bounce house and games they can play for free. Mila, Tessa’s oldest daughter, a junior in high school, offers to keep an eye on them for me while Bram and I head for the auction site.
I spot Lena in her chef’s garb, her face intent as she listens to a few women from the PTA while passing out canapés from the tray she’s holding.
“Can you believe this is the new us?” Bram lands a warm kiss just under my ear and, instinctually, I turn my head without meaning to.
“Yes,” it comes out less than a whisper as I take in the briny air. A cool breeze is blowing steadily, and I’m thankful I decided to put my hair up for the evening. Everywhere you look women are struggling to shake their tresses out of their eyes. But my heart and my head are far away from the boardwalk. I look to Bram and force a tight smile, taking up his hand as we head into the thick of Percy’s precarious social circles.
A part of me screams,tell him about the shitty emails, tell him about the diary, for God’s sake. It’s only going to get worse as time passes, and yet another part of me is all too aware that Bram never mentioned he and Simone were trying for another baby. He never mentioned that he was anything but faithful to her.
“I was thinking—” I bite down on my lip, and Bram whisks us behind a tent that’s housing handmade crafts as it swarms with women.
His arms wrap around my waist, and an easy smile glides over his lips.
“What’s wrong?” His brows dip a moment. “I know you like I know myself. Something has thrown you. Let me in, Ree.” He dots a kiss over my lips. “I want to see the world through your eyes.”
My stomach melts right down to my feet, and I soften in his warm embrace, my lips twitching toward the sky. This is Bram. Peter is gone. Peter and Simone are gone. They are no more. And yet a part of me can’t seem to forgive him for a slight that was never toward me. A horrible thought slaps through me, and my body stiffens once again. Bram was out of town—at a convention just a few days ago. Certainly an opportunity. What if this brunette is still hanging around on the periphery of his life? For a moment, I picture the two of them laughing at me while she obliges him with blowjobs. The entire idea is ridiculous, and yet it has me fuming.
I suck in my bottom lip, trying to look seductive while hiding the fear rising in me. I had never thought Simone and I had a thing in common outside our shared husband—not that Bram and I are legally wed, but that’s another horror I don’t want to digest at the moment. But after reading her journals, really getting to know her on an intimate level, we not only share similar careers—okay, her career, my hobby, but we share the same insecurities.
“Did you ever think about having more children?” My God, is that the best I could do?
Bram tips his head back, and a quick laugh bounces through him. “Is that what this is all about?” He swoops in with another kiss, his features growing serious—so morbidly handsome it frightens me. “Aubree,” he whispers my name like a secret. “Yes. If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.”
“We can’t afford it,” I say, stunned that he went straight for the gold. Certainly not the turn I was expecting, but then, I walked him right into it.
“We will be fine.” He shakes his head sweetly before brushing a loose wisp of hair that’s lying over my forehead. “And we can start tonight.” There’s an ache in his voice, a tenderness I can’t deny. Bram is intent on making me feel better, pulling me out of the funk I’m in. The funk he thinks my urge to have a child put me in, and ironically it was his ex-wife who landed me neck deep. “Baby making.” He gives a dark gurgle of a laugh, and those comma-like dimples go off that I love so much.
“Baby making,” I parrot back, playing along. In truth, I’m not sure I’m up for a third just yet, but I love the fact that Bram is so keen on the idea that I might just let him sway me with his enthusiasm.
We head back out to the crowd, and a group of men shout for him over by the wine tasting booth.
“Ah! Work never ends.” He winks my way. Bram leads us over and introduces me to his colleagues. I’ve met two before but not the entire herd. They’re all affable looking men, around the same age as Bram, some a bit older. Tarquin is technically his boss, the owner of Smile Wide. He wears a halo of gray and holds a rounded belly compared to the much more fit group that surrounds him. Bram is the most handsome of them all, but then, I am bias. After a brief introduction, the shorter one, Rich, with a head of hair that’s been reduced to stubbles, tips his beer Bram’s way.
“Tell us about Hennessy. Geez. Was that nuts? Did you hear or see anything suspicious?”
Bram shoots a quick glance my way, his eyes oscillate a moment as if he weren’t sure what direction to look in next as he takes a deep breath, and suddenly, my attention is aroused.
