I love Sunday Knight and that sweet little fish swimming around in her belly. I’d do anything for the two of them—even if it means holding my breath for the next twodays.
The Parent Hood
Sunday
Get crapdone…
Vlog. Apologize to the peeps for being such afuckingliar.
Head to Hallowed Grounds for an extra-large vanilla bean cookie crumble frap and keep an eye on that shady barista who always gyps you of your rightful crumbles. Finals are done. Crumbles are definitely inorder.
Wash hair.Maybe.
Order an extra-large family portion of linguine with arrabbiata sauce from Dante’s Italian Kitchen. Eat your feelings. The heartburn it induces will be an improvement compared to the hell you’rein.
Ihave never been so miserable. Sure, my boobs have swollen to the size of watermelons, my ankles are threatening to go on strike if I gain another pound, my face looks as if it has a serious case of road rash, there’s more hair on my shower wall than there is on my head, my butthurts, I can’t sleep, I still throw up for the hell of it, I’m pretty sure I hate just about everybody, I want to run wild through a sushi restaurant and shove pounds and pounds of raw fish into my face, I do consume frightening amounts of chocolate, and I can’t hide my blooming belly anymore, but all of that pales in comparison to how much I miss Seth. And regardless of how achingly I want to be near him, I’m terrified my fingers will find their way around his neck, and I’ll end up on death row because I can’t fight off the urge to slaughter him. I’m pretty sure no judge will uphold an argument that starts withbut I had a craving for murder!Nope, that won’t fly. Damnhormones.
After Seth made his malevolent point clear last Saturday night, Trixie and Serena took me back to my dorm. I pretty much cried myself to sleep and then repeated the effort the next day. Monday, I botched my history final. Tuesday, I might have done a little better. And today, Wednesday, the entire event was sort of an out-of-body experience. The odds I passed any of my classes this semester will be nothing short of amiracle.
“All right, girl.” I position my phone on the nightstand and make sure it catches both Izzy and me in the frame. “You ready to dothis?”
“Are you kidding?” Izzy scoots back on the bed until her bulbous belly sits between her legs. “Get some mascara on me before I end up accidentally having the baby and frightening the daylights out of it. No one should see me without a protective layer of foundation. It’s criminal you made me waddle all the way here without it. I don’t think I’ve had a face this naked since I was thirteen. Let’s doit!”
“You do realize we’re live,right?”
Her mouth rounds out into a perfect O as she looks to thecamera.
“Hey, guys!” I wave to my phone. “It’s Sunday Knight, and I’ve got a special guest with me today, one that I’ve been promising for a very long time.” I bite down on my lip and shoot a quick look to Izzy. She nods for me to continue with a marked determination. Izzy has been one of my biggest supporters from the get-go. I take a deep breath and look back to the camera. “But first, I need to make a confession. I haven’t exactly been honest with you guys, and I feel pretty terrible about it. You see, all those months ago when you saw that tiny box behind me and you blew up my feed with accusations that I was pregnant?” I wince. Here it is—my do or die moment. “You were right. I totally was—still am.” I scoot back just enough to expose my own burgeoning tummy. “This right here is Little Fish. He or she has been with me since December. I hope you won’t think I’m a fraud, or that I purposefully meant to deceive you—even though in a way I totally did—but here’s the deal. I just wasn’t ready to face it myself. So, if you accept my apology, and I sincerely hope you do, I’d like to get on with today’s show and make this soon-to-be mama sitting next to mesmile.”
I get right to brandishing today’s hottest, most lust-worthy ointments and powders, and soon enough Izzy looks as if she should be painting the town with her man, not sitting in some dorm with a knocked-up teenager—I’ll be twenty in threeweeks.
“Well, guys?” I pull back, exposing Izzy to the camera. “What do youthink?”
Izzy presses her lips together and moans, “Don’t I get to have an opinion? Give me a mirror stat. I’m dying to see thetransformation.”
“You bet.” I hold up a handheld mirror, and she brings it inclose.
“Oh my God!” she shouts so loud you’d think I performed a headtransplant.
“What’s the matter? Aren’t you happy? Are you allergic to red lipstick orsomething?”
“Oh no!” She grips her belly as she looks to me in horror. “My water justbroke!”
“Shit!” I scream as the two of us take off in a panic, running in a dizzying circle, and once I spot the water stain on the bed I gag a little. “We need to get you out ofhere!”
“We need to callHolt!”
“Great idea! Where’s yourphone?”
“I don’t know!” she wails. “Wait—we don’t need it. He’s watching us live from the Black Bear.” She gets in close to the camera—a totally unflattering angle, but I don’t dare go there. “Honey? Can you hear me? I need a ride to the hospital. And we might want to swing by the house and grab my bag. Oh, and tell Laney and Baya! They made me swear I’d tell them. And call Gemma! Get Misty, too. Oh my God, call mymother! She’ll kill me if I forget about her. And if you think of anyone else who needs to know, call them,too!”
It takes less than five minutes for Holt to race over. Serena jumps out of his car and we help buckle Izzy up, and they take off in a cloud of smoke anddust.
“Well”—Serena scoffs—“that was your most dramatic makeover ever.” She threads her arm through mine and pulls me in. “Now that you have a minute, would you mind if we have a proper sit-down?”
“Only if it happens at Hallowed Grounds and involves an extra-large vanilla bean cookiecrumble.”
Serena bubbles with a laugh. “Make it two and you got adeal.”
