“Oh, right.” A remorseful laugh titters from me. “So these blushers in the cute little peach compact are my favorite and, my God, they smell like”—Seth pulls off his shirt, and just seeing his bare flesh in my dorm sets off an infernal fire in me—“smells like spice and woodsy cologne, and I love getting my face right in the neck—nectar.” I startle back to life and gape at the camera. Why in the hell am I talking to a handful of girls when I have a perfectly good boy in my room ready and willing to take care of all my hormonal—and, good grief does pregnancy make you randy—needs? “All right, my sweets. Giveaway!” I shout with contrived enthusiasm as I hold up the entire damn box from between my knees. “Let me know what your favorite scent is, and I’ll pick a random winner from the comments.” I turn off the camera and slap my phone over my dresser before crawling into bed with that beefcake taking up residencethere.
“What the heck was that about?” His brows furrow as I curl into his arms, my fingers strumming over that steely chest ofhis.
“That was all your fault. Who do you think you are coming in here and doing a strip tease to seduce me? It’s downright criminal.” My lips find a home over his mouth, and Seth plunges his tongue into me like a punishment. Seth knows exactly how rough and rowdy I like it—mostly because I boss him around until he gets it right, but that’s beside the point. He’s generous enough to give me what I want—what he says I deserve, and all I want is him doing this thing he does with his magic tongue all over my body. Seth is a master at making me moan and groan in all the right ways. I try not to think of the girls who may have gifted him all this experience, and as much as it boils my blood while we’re apart, when we’re together I want nothing more than to pen them a thank you. This boy has skills, and he’s not afraid to use them. Lucky, luckyme.
We strip off our clothes, and before I know it, I’m riding high, on top, just the way I like it, bouncing, having the best time of my round-bellied life, when the door flies open, and Trixie screams as if we were a couple of vandals. A tall head of hair struggles to peer in behind her—RUSH!
Trixie shuts the door once again like a reflex, and Seth and I scramble to put on our clothes so fast he ends up wearing my sweatshirt, which was technically his to begin with, and I’m left in his flannel with the front buttoned wonky, and the girls—and, my God, are they huge now—peeking out as if they too were concerned for oursafety.
There’s a gentle knock, and Trixie hops in, sealing herself over the door as if to keep my brother out. He’s either dropped dead or has no clue what was really happening because neither Trixie nor a locked door couldn’t keep him from exploding into theroom.
“Are you kidding me?” Trixie hisses it low like a mean whisper. “You almost got caught.” She looks to Seth. “And you almost got killed.” Her glare reverts my way. “I told him you were doing naked yoga! That’s your story, and you’re sticking to it. He’s waiting for me at the elevator.” She bolts to her bed and swipes her phone off the pillow, holding it for me to see. “I forgot something.” She snickers at Seth. “I’d say use a condom, but I guess you don’t need to. Please leave a shoe outside or something in the future to signal the fact you’re getting busy. And by the way, nice reverse cowgirl. I might try it myselfsometime.”
“Aaargh!” I scream and toss a stuffed animal at her as she cackles her way out the door. “I hate you!” I shout, only half-teasing.
“Keep up that naked yoga!” she screams through thedoor.
“Gah.” I fall back onto the bed and cover my head with a pillow. “I think I just saw my life flash before myeyes.”
“You?” Seth pulls me into his arms and sits here panting with fear instead of pleasure. Having your brother nearly walk in on you will do that. “Maybe I should say my goodbyes right now. If Rush found me here, under you like that, he would have thrown me off the side of thebuilding.”
“It would be funny if it wasn’t true.” I nuzzle into the safety of Seth’s neck. I could sleep soundly for a good solid eight doing just this. “We need to get everything out in the open, don’twe?”
Seth pauses for a moment too long, and I look up at him to find his forehead wrinkled with worry. “I think it’stime.”
A quick flutter rattles me from the inside, right in the exact spotwhere—
“Oh my God. I think the baby just moved!” I take Seth’s hand and lay it over my belly, and the two of us freeze solid, not even daring to take our next breath. The flutter goes off again, harder, far more jolting, and we share alaugh.
“Sunday.” Seth’s affect changes to that of grief as he quickly sobers up. He glides down until his mouth is over my stomach and presses a soft kiss over it. “I loveyou.”
And just like that, my heart melts. “Seth.” I rake my fingers through his thick, soft hair. “You love my baby?” I know he does. Seth is just that wonderful, but it makes me feel bad that I’m dragging him into my drama. And as a person who is openly allergic to drama, it makes my heart hurt forhim.
“I love you and your baby.” He swims back up and holds me with those dark navy eyes pinned to mine, their secrets as unknowable as the depths of the sea. “You’re both mine, Sunday.” He swallows hard, and his eyes tear up. His lips quiver as if he’s trying to push his words out, but they’re strangling himinstead.
I land my finger over his lips and shake my head. The room fades in a blur as the tears come hot and heavy. “Don’t say anything else.” I feel like a monster. Here I am selfishly making him bed me just to ease my insatiable desire, and all the while I have Eli Gates’ baby inside of me. I’m sick. Only a sick person would do that. Seth and I should have waited. We could have cultivated both our relationship and our enthusiasm for what was to come. Instead, I jumped the gun per usual. My greed knows nobounds.
Seth and I fall into a hot, delicious kiss that feels as if it lasts for hours. Seth makes love to me thoroughly as if he owed me something, and per usual I greedily accept all he has to give. But I don’t let him breathe another word. I don’t have it in me to hear him tell me it’s all right when I know it’snot.
That, right there, is the next thing on my list—making things right. And the first thing I need to make right is telling Eli Gates he’s going to be a father. The father of mychild.
It’s time to grow up, do what needs to be done, and as much as it hurts, I refuse to back down thistime.
* * *
On Saturday,Nolan sent a group text to Rush and me letting us know he’d like to take us to dinner at the Black Bear. Dad is in town, so he’ll be there, too. Seth mentioned Misty invited him as well. Maybe that’s the right time to tell everyone how we feel about each other. There’s no way my brothers will really kill Seth. TheyloveSeth. Murder isn’t a realistic option. Ihope.
I decide to hit the Black Bear a little early because I happen to know that Serena is almost off work, and she’s on my long list of people I need to make restitution with. The truth is, I miss Serena. I miss her with an aching heart. And I can’t believe I’ve been letting any and everything get between us. It was my petty jealousy of her that led me to that frat house that fateful December night to begin with. If only I had been a bigger person, none of this would have happened—but in a psychotic way, I’m sort of glad it did. I mean, I have Seth in my life in a special way now. My hand glides over my belly a moment—a cardinal sin in and of itself when you’re trying to keep your blooming body out of the public eye. I scan the vicinity for my sweet cousin, but there’s no sign of her bubbling redheaded eminence. Instead, I zero in on the very person I was sort of expertly avoiding—number one on my list of restitution, EliGates.
There he is, alone, bent over a book, most likely studying for finals. This entire semester seems to have whizzed right by. Seth and I spent all of spring break trying to raise more funds for the homeless shelter. I haven’t dared to ask how much our meager fundraisers have raised so far, and Seth hinted that he’d rather keep that information to himself. He’s so sweet, he probably doesn’t want to upsetme.
I’ve got less than a half an hour before my entire family shows up, and since Serena is nowhere to be found, it’s as if the universe has laid out the golden moment forme.
My feet start in that direction without my permission, and I take a seat across from him without saying aword.
He looks up with mild concern before his entire face brightens. “Sunday, what’s up? You ready for that cheesy rematch? Are you laying down the nacho gauntlet?” He pushes his books away, offering his fullattention.
“No, actually”—my body trembles with a nervous laugh, but I don’t dare take my eyes off his. I’m doing this. There is no turning back. “I actually wanted to talk to you about something else I laid down.” I nod, hoping to prod his memoryalong.
