“Helped make them?” Skyla looks as if she’s about to be sick, and I’m right there with her. “Don’t say that.” She twists the baby away from her mother, and he breaks out into a deep hearty chuckle. “My boys did no suchthing.”
“Oh, but they did!” Her eyes light up with insanity as she clasps Barron by the ankle. “How do you think I got the shape so uniform? I used the boys’ feet to create a cast. And don’t you worry. I made sure to include my Nate Nate, too!” She gives Nathan’s toe a quick pinch, and he laughs while kicking her like adonkey.
“Shit,” I hiss under my breath. “You’re kidding,right?”
Drake lets out a honk of a laugh. “Brings new meaning to pussyfooting around, doesn’tit!”
Brielle lets out a cackle as she joins in on the fun. “Brings new meaning to familyjewels!” She dots her finger over the pearl embedded at Lizbeth’s clitoralcraft.
“Oh my loving God.” Skyla’s face pinches with color as rage percolates to the top of her eyeballs, and once again I’m right there with her, glaring at my mother-in-law without meaningto.
“You’re all sick in the head!” Mia snaps a few pictures of the rows and rows of unpainted pussies lying out like the latest bakery confections. “And now the world is going to know it, too!” Melissa joins her on a snapping spree, and I’m quick to wave my hand over theevidence.
“Would you knock it off?” I bark so loud the room rattles. “Delete that shit right now! These are my boys, and nobody is going to damage them like this.” God. Don’t they know things live on the Internet forever? The last thing I want is my boys being mercilessly called pussies for the rest of their days because of one irresponsible night with their grandmother of allpeople.
“Ha!” Tad pokes a finger into my chest. “You don’t get to talk to my girls that way. You watch that filthy, disgusting mouth of yours, Gregory! Or I’ll land you on your ear in five secondsflat!”
“You have the nerve to callmefilthy and disgusting? Take a look at your wife’s latestofferings!”
A gasp comes from behind, presumably the wife inquestion.
“Whoa, dude.” Drake pulls me over to the fridge as if to defuse thesituation.
But Tad’s not done with me yet. He comes at me with his finger wagging. “My wife is making a killing with this nonsense, and I don’t need your dirty mouth, or your ridiculous judgments making things harder for her. If she’s content whittling unmentionable parts, then I back her up one hundredpercent.”
I glance back to Lizbeth with her hand on her chest, clearly melting at her husband’s sudden spurt ofdevotion.
“Okay.” I do my best to shrug it off, but I end up shuddering instead. “Then I’m good with it, too.” My cheek tugs to the side because I’m still not sure if I just spouted off the truth. “Just leave my kids out of it. Recast those things with Tad’s feet, and I’ll have no problem withit.”
A collective groan works through the room at the thought of large, overgrown, malodorous delicate femaleparts.
“Nowthat’snonsense.” Lizbeth picks up Misty who just strolled in, and I can’t help but notice the resemblance between her and the boys. Damn Demetri, spraying his genetics all over the place. “I’ll use this precious angel and Ember. Their feet will be more than happy to serve. Besides, that way we can get some real feminine energygoing.”
Mia balks at the idea. “The only place you’ll get those girls going is straight into the arms of social services. You’re nuts if you think employing two minors into your quasi-sex trade is a goodidea.”
“Would you stop!” Lizbeth barks. “It is not asex trade! You’re always so dramatic,Mia.”
“That’s right!” Tad pulls his pants up clear to his chest. “This is sex for money! We’re not giving anything away in this family—especially not ourfeet!”
Drake gives me a quick sock to the arm as he nods me a few feet into the family room. “The old lady and I are tying the knot, and I need you to step up as best man. Gotit?”
I blink over at him, trying to digest what the hell he just said, but my eyes go straight to that widow’s peak buried in the center of this forehead. As intrusive as it is, it’s almost impressive. My head spins, still lost in Tad’s sex trade argument that quickly went south. I glance back to Skyla because I’d swear Drake and Bree tied the knot a long time ago, and I catch Lizbeth pulling herin.
“And my God—thelengthof him!” Lizbeth looks up, and our eyes meet for a few uncomfortableseconds.
Bree breaks out into a high-pitched laugh. “There’s a reason we called him the baseball bat in high school.” Leave it to Bree to evict any secrecy from theirpowwow.
“I’m done with this conversation.” Skyla stalks over, visibly irritated, and Barron’s dark hair wafts in the breeze, light as feathers. “What’s this about a bestman?”
Brielle jumps three feet in the air. “The cat’s out of the bag! We’re gettingmarried!”
“Youaremarried,” Skyla flatlines, and I rub my shoulder against hers in a show of solidarity. Knewit.
“Not officially,” Bree snarks back. “Plus, we’re doing it right this time. Lots of money is being spent in the honor of our big day.” She bats her lashes up at her prospective and current groom before turning to Skyla. “I thought to myself, why doesLakenget to have you as her maid of honor? Why isn’t my bestiemyfreaking maid of honor? And then I remembered how lame it was that we just took off and eloped. I’m really sorry about that.” She bites her lip while posturing toward my wife. “But I’m going to make it all up to you now. I’ve already talked to Logan about letting us have the ceremony at Silent Cove on the Fourth of July, and we’ll have fireworks and cake, and the wholenine—”
Skyla cuts her off, “Laken yards.Wow. Are you sure you want to venture into copycat waters? We can do something really nice right here at thehouse.”
Tad gags from behind. “Don’t you think about it, son! I’ve got a good mind to put an end to all the freeloading that takes place aroundhere.”
