I think it’s about time I curedthat.
It’s time I cured a lot ofthings.
* * *
Collins and Associates,my father’s law firm in which I was made an official partner just four short months ago, sits snug in downtown Jepson in a tall slender building fit with enough mirrored windows that on a clear sunny day I’m convinced you can see it from space. The refractive light winks on and off like a distress signal as I make my way inside. The thirty-seventh floor is where a majority of the partners have their offices—and once the elevator doors vomit me out, I spot my little sister, Teagan, sitting behind the receptionist’s counter as she logs in hours for her summer internship. Teagan is a carbon copy of Emilia, and every time I look at her I feel a pang of grief volley through me. Same dark hair, same violet gray eyes that have always looked far more manufactured than they ever do real. Emilia was a beauty, and when she died she took all that beauty with her. And my God, how we miss her. But thankfully, we still have Teagan. She’s just finished high school and has opted to head to community college instead of straight to Whitney Briggs, which was a disappointment to my mother in what has been a long line of disappointments thisyear.
“What’s up, kiddo?” I lean over the counter and give her ponytail a slight tug. “Is Shep here?” Shepard is my one and only brother. He’s just passed the bar and thus just surpassed my father’s expectations for him. Shep has always been the wild card in our family, a bright spot that hungers for fun and spontaneity on a regular basis. He’s slowly wilting in an office next to mine and it hasn’t been but a few months. A part of me wonders if it had to do with Emilia’s passing, but I think we all know Shep is having a hard time fitting his square peg into the round slot of this judicialclimate.
“I’m not a kiddo,” Teagan snarks, swatting my hand away. “Dad dropped off a ton of new files and I plopped them on your desk. Mer’s stuff.” Mer—Meredith is Levi’s ex who recently had his brother’s baby. Both Chip, the brother in question, and Meredith had somehow found a place in my father’s iron heart. They’re both top-notch attorneys, the brightest and the best, so it’s no surprise my father had to have them. And all those long lonely nights working overtime together contributed to their affair, ultimately resulting in that baby girl of theirs. Since Mer’s still not back from maternity leave, I’ve been picking up the slack right along withChip.
I groan at the thought of an increased workload. “Sounds good. You up for lunch? I’m thinking of heading out—The Sloppy Pelicanmaybe?”
“Done! And we’re headed straight into party planning mode once we get there!” Her eyes brighten at the thought. Teagan loves The Sloppy Pelican as much as I do. So much in fact, she’s begged me to let her have the banquet room for her birthday party in a couple of months. All she wants to talk about is the endless lists of people she’s invited, the décor, the boys who will be there. I’ve let her know in no uncertain terms that I’m not above breaking a leg or two. But I’ve listened to everything she has to say regarding the party of the century, intently at that. I know for a fact that if Emilia was still alive these are things she would be sharing with her, and I’m doing my best to fill the void. My mother and Teagan have a rough sordid relationship—and that about explains every relationship my mother has ever had withanyone.
“Let me comb through a few things and we’ll get out of here.” I head for my office just as my father strides my way, that signature grin of his expanding at the sight ofme.
My mother has always referred to my father as a silver fox, a devil incarnate among other far more nefarious titles. They’ve been divorced for over ten years. My mother has remarried and divorced again twice since then. But my father has remained faithful to his work.His career was the mistress that stole his heart,my mother once said. I’ve ventured to guess she was right. But my father’s mistress is no soul mate if you ask me. He’s lonely, tired, overworked, but he plods on, chasing after his next million. He’s never been content in that respect. A part of me is terrified I’ll end up just like dear old Dad, tired and alone, chasing empty dollars to fill up bank accounts that I don’t really care about. Who the hell cares if I’m wearing a designer suit or how my penthouse compares to the rich idiot next door if I don’t have Lex in my life? The thought stops me cold for a moment. I don’t have Lex in mylife.
Dad slaps his oversized mitt onto my back. “I’ve given Mortgage Makers over to Shep. We’ll let him clown around and see if he can get that up and running again. I think it’s a great addition to the portfolio, and it’s something solid he can really cut his teeth on. Once he gets that off the ground, we’ll ply him with some real work.” He leans in, that intense gaze of his has always had the power to make me feel as if I’m about to have my ass handed to me. His heavy cologne clots up the air between us, and my entire childhood flashes before my eyes. My father has always been a Polo man, and I’ve always appreciated the warm scent on him. I can’t walk by a bottle without thinking of my dad. “But for you, sport—I’ve got a surprise waiting on your desk. Why don’t we take alook?”
We head into my office together, the view of downtown Jepson wafts under the duress of heat as the hot air radiates over the city like a bad dream. A file markedFlynn Oilsits prominent on my desk, and I can’t seem to catch my nextbreath.
“You’re giving me Flynn?” I stab my fingers over the cushioned file indisbelief.
“That’s right. There will be no time for you to mingle with any of the new mergers we’re incorporating. I’ve got the rest of the team to subdivide those. Chip has agreed to take on the remainder of Meredith’s load, which isn’t much considering she’ll be back in a few short weeks. But you”—he slaps me hard over the shoulder and it feels like a punishment—“you’ll be too busy for outings at that silly bar, forget about heading out for lunch. I’ll make sure Teagan sends in whatever you want. You’ll want to get on that case right away. There’s a conference call in the morning and you’ll need to be up on the history. Let me know if you need anything.” He takes off, nothing but his cologne trailing behind to mockme.
A knot builds in my throat as big as an oil derrick. Flynn Oil has notoriously vowed to expand its hundred-acre facility, which will bleed parts of the plant close to low-income housing and underperforming schools on the outskirts of east Jepson. It’s been a long running feud between neighbors and big oil, and I’m the lucky fish that will be publicly gutted when and if this goes awry. And by awry, I mean if and when I win. There is not a single way out of this but through the thorny gates ofinfamy.
I pick up that paperweight of the world Shep gifted me last Christmas and pitch it to the floor exploding it into glassy blue bits all over the hardwoodfloors.
“Shit.” I take a seat in that big leather chair I was once so eager to call my own and spin until I’m facing the window, facing Jepson itself, as I look out toward Hollow Brook, toward Lex and the life she’s living without me. Lex is in trouble—both financially and socially. Low showed me that video that’s been circulating this weekend and I feel terrible for her. I also want to slam that nosy neighbor of hers with libel, and that is the real reason I planned on heading back to The Sloppy Pelican for lunch. Levi mentioned she was coming in early for training and I wanted to run it past her—the irony being that Lex would most likely rather endure public humiliation than accept any overt help from me. Sure, she accepted the position at the bar, but I think even she knew I was married to my work and that our paths would seldom cross. And now, thanks to my father, even that scant bit of time I was looking forward to is nothing but a pipedream.
The door swings open and I turn to find Teagan groaning and gasping at the mess I’ve made. “What the hell is wrong with you?” She gets straight to the task of cleaning it up and I hop over to join her. “Oh please, sit down, your royal highness. Leave the grunt work to peasants like me.” She scoops up the bits and pieces with her bare hands and I cringe, but she’s got the mess swept up in notime.
“You’re not a gruntworker.”
“That’s not what Dad implied when I told him I didn’t want to order you a hot Thai lunch. You actually said you’d be taking me somewhere.Remember?”
“I am.” I glance back to that file. “I was.” I cringe at how easily I’ve meandered to where I never wanted to be. After Emilia died, I swore on all that was holy I’d be there for Teagan. “Work just piled up on me unexpectedly.” I scratch the back of my neck as if the Flynn file managed to give me a heatrash.
“Look, I don’t know why you sent that beautiful globe crashing to the floor, and I don’t know what could possibly be more important than keeping your word to your baby sister, but you promised me a lunch date and I’m collecting.” She blinks those crystalline eyes up at me, and I can tell she’s only half-teasing. Teagan is a sweet, responsible girl. The last thing I want to teach her is that I’m a talker who never means what hesays.
“I’ll make it up to you. Dinner instead? I should get a head start on that file if I’m going to be ready for that conference call in the morning.” I’ll have to make it a quick dinner. In and out. Hell, I might have to get it to go. There’s just no way I can get out of this day without disappointing mysister.
“Dinner?” She balks as if it were a four-letter word. “You know, I always knew that Dad was grooming you to be the next incarnation of himself, but I never thought you’d cave so easily. A wise person once told me that no matter what life presents you with, you have the power to pick and choose your own route on this journey.” She clicks her tongue as her eyes gloss over with tears. “It’s sad to see that Dad was right about molding you into his mini-me. And if you keep putting work over people, you’ll be just like him sooner than you think.” She takes off with the slam of thedoor.
“It’s called being an adult,” I shout afterher.
“It’s called being an idiot,” she counters. “Take some control over your life. Now that is being anadult!”
I head back to my desk, my adrenaline pumping, my anxiety skyrocketing as I gaze out at the city melting below myfeet.
Teagan is right. I’m well on my way to becoming the exact representation of my father. The Flynn case will be the final nail in the coffin. I’ll lose nights and weekends and eventually live at my desk, in the courtroom, as months drag on. A case like this will take many years to resolve, and I will have to sacrifice everything for it. I will end up gifting the Flynn Oil Company the best part of my late twenties and most likely straight through to my mid-thirties. My blood begins to boil at the thought. Lex would have long since moved on—happily might I add. What the hell was I going to do, anyway? Make Levi and Brody go away and fill their positions? Levi runs the bar right alongside Brody. There’s no need for me to stalk Lex each and every night. Brody will get to know her best, working on the schedule, working side-by-side, teaching her the ropes. Levi will be her fast friend, and once again I’ll be out in the cold, a voyeur into her world even while she works at the establishment I own. It is a shitride.
I squeeze my eyes shut tight and try to make this newfound tension go away, but it only gets worse. That knot in my stomach intensifies as if someone just tossed a Molotov cocktail on top of it. This is not my life. This is not where I wanted to be. This isn’t where I want togo.
Teagan’s words come back to haunt me.Takecontrol.
