A shouting match ensues in which Raven attempts to apologize and simultaneously fill Low in on all the ridiculousdetails.
“Wow.” Low fans herself with a fashion catalog sitting on my nightstand. “But I don’t get it. After Marlin left, you could have easily stayed with Axel.” She leans in with that nosy look on her pert little face. “What happened? You can tellus.”
Raven gently picks up my hand and clamps both of hers over mine, and something about the act warms me. “We’re your friends, Lex. Whatever happened once Marlin left, we’ll support you no matterwhat.”
“I’ll kill Axel if he hurt you,” Low offers quickly as if it were a given. “Actually, I’ll probably have Levi do it since death can get messy. Plus, he’s known him longer and can really cut to hisweakness.”
“His weakness.” A dull laugh dies in my chest. “I suppose that would be me.” I give a guilty shrug just before segueing into the fact that I dumped Axel all over again before stomping out of his penthouse thisafternoon.
“Oh, Lex.” Low drops her head in her hands, and her dirty blonde curls spill over the bed. “That boy loves you, and you love him. I’m sorry, but I’m calling it like I see it. Why the heck wouldn’t you want to have everything withhim?”
Raven wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Because that’s what she does—she pushes people away.” She tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. And in the first time in forever it feels as if someone understands mecompletely.
I look over at her. Raven has a sweetness about her that reminds me of both Serena and Sunday on a painful level. I already have two girls to look after. I don’t need yet another set. And that’s when it hits me. Raven doesn’t need me to look after her. She’s a grown woman. Raven is simply being—dare I say, a friend? I glance to Low as the same realization hits. Raven and Low are truly there for me. Not as family—asfriends. It feels unforgivably strange, and yet it feelsright.
I take a deep breath as if I were about to dive belly first into ice-cold waters. “She’s right. I push people away.” A hot tear rolls down my cheek and it feels good, as if I’ve finally lanced a blister that’s been tormenting me for the last decade or so of mylife.
Raven lays her head on my shoulder, and her dark hair spills between us like shards of black glass. “It’s because your mother left you. How could you possibly trust another adult? Let alone another humanbeing.”
I give a hard sniff, nodding, suddenly unable to speak at all. It’s as if Raven knows me better than I knowmyself.
Low grunts as if she were kicked in the gut. “And you mentioned to me a few months back about your father passing. You had to do it all—be both mother and father to your siblings. Not to mention your aunt’s kids.” I filled Low in on my sordid family history a few months ago while she was temporarily separated from Levi. It was the night I kissed him, but we don’t talk about thatanymore.
“You put up a wall.” Raven nods knowingly. “To protect yourself. If you’re not in charge—well, neither is anyoneelse.”
“Yes.” I sit up with the epiphany. “I mean, I’ve always known it deep down inside, but just hearing it like this—it really paints apicture.”
Low scoots in close to me and wraps her arms around my waist. “And that’s why you pushed Axel away this afternoon. He was getting too close to home, wasn’the?”
“He was.” The words come out smaller than a whisper. The truth is, Axel had infiltrated the deepest part of me both physically and emotionally. He did years ago, and I’ve never been able to fully evicthim.
“Let him in.” Raven glides her arms around me as well, and it feels nice being wrapped in a hug from both Raven and Low. Especially now when I need it most. “Let him loveyou.”
Low chuckles. “Heck, that boy wants to worshipyou.”
Raven leans in with those intense sea blue eyes. “Do you lovehim?”
“Of course.” My fingers tap over my lips. “Oh my God, I do. I didn’t even have to think aboutit.”
“You never stopped.” Low scolds with her finger, and the three of us share a quietlaugh.
“I didn’t, did I?” It feels as if a freight train just smacked into my face. “I have never stopped loving Axel Collins. I love him still. I love him so much it hurts to think of all the agony I’ve put us through.” Tears buck through me as both Raven and Low join in on thecryingfest.
“So now what?” Low hiccups into myear.
“First thing tomorrow, I’ll head over to The Pelican and tell him how Ifeel.”
“First thingtomorrow?” Raven is protesting the idea simply with hertone.
“That’s right.” I fall back onto the pillow mountain, and the two of them do the same. “Right now, I need to finish up a rom-com marathon with my two bestfriends.”
“Aww!” they both coo in unison as we engage in a three-wayembrace.
Raven sighs heavily as she looks up. “Still so impressed by thebush.”
I kick her knee off my stomach, and the three of us share another laugh. It feels good. Heck, it feels great. Just the thought of two people whom I’m not blood-related to caring anything about me is pretty darn amazing. It feels downrightspecial.
But the real reason I didn’t speed right over to Axel’s penthouse with my new heart-shaped epiphany is far less easier to finger than a simple rom-com with friends. I suppose at the end of the day it has more to do with fear than anything else. What exactly is it about having a relationship with Axel Collins that frightensme?
