Belle of the Bar
Lex
Six YearsEarlier…
It’s been one year.A little over one year to be exact. We actually celebrated our one year anniversary like a bunch of sappy hippies last Halloween. We were so ecstatic you would have thought someone inflated us with helium the way we were floating around Hollow Brook like a couple of mismatched balloons—dancing, exchanging I love yous as if every day were Valentine’s Day. We were kissing—outright diving our tongues down one another’s throats in public as if we were trying to give all of society the middle finger. We didn’t care who watched The Ax and Lex Show. We were on all the time, twenty-four seven and didn’t give a flying rip who tuned in or tuned out. I had finally done the impossible. I relinquished—gave my heart away, lost control. Two things I vowed I would never do again after my mother took off in that rumbling station wagon that roared up to our driveway. My mother, the flake, took off with some high school sweetheart so the two of them could shoot up coke for the rest of their days. She chose a mountain of white powder and cheap motel sex over my siblings and me. If she wasn’t going to step up and be the woman God intended her to be, I sure as heck was. In fact, I was fast becoming an expert. I took Aunt Priscilla’s younger two under my wing after she died in that horrible car wreck. Rush and Sunday need me. Nolan is grown, but he needs a mother figure to act as the familial glue even if he’s too stubborn to admit it. This is precisely why falling in love with Axel Collins or anyone else was a risk I never should have taken. Someone needs to have their head about them. And for God’s sake, nobody is ever allowed to run out on meagain.
“New York?” I can barely get the words out of mythroat.
Here we are, in the middle of Founder’s Square where we shared our first kiss all those dizzying months ago. Only now the night is replaced with the cold harsh glare of a winter sun, snow reflecting its raysmercilessly.
“Yes, it’s for a spring admit.” He swallows hard as he wraps his arms around me just a little bit tighter. He can feel the urge to bolt building in me, I can tell. “NYU has a great law school. It was my first choice. Don’t worry about it. It’s just a silly admissions letter. I should never have brought it up. I’m happy at Whitney Briggs. I’m happy with you.” He presses a kiss over my lips that quickly grows cold in the frigidair.
My body solidifies. I can’t breathe. I can’t push the words that are dying to stream from me past that Manhattan-sized lump in mythroat.
“You should go.” I shrug, trying not to acknowledge the pain those words caused as they shred their way past my vocal cords. “It’s not every day your number one pick invites you to participate as a spring admit. Finals are over. I’ll help you pack.” I bite the air with my words. That furious venom that lives inside me percolates to the surface—a parting gift from mymother.
“Hey”—fear takes over his features, and I hate that I’ve done this to him—“I’m not going anywhere. I’ve already got my classes set for spring right here. I get it. A long distance relationship would suck. And the only thing I need to suck is you.” He offers up that sheepish grin that has the power to charm me, and I almost want to laugh at what a fool I’ve been. Who the heck did I think I was diluting myself into thinking that this person, this entity that lives outside of my airspace could be controlled and kept under the lid of my universe? People leave—mothers, fathers,boyfriends, and it was all too painful to deal with. No way in hell am I ever falling on a sword for an outsider ever again. Serena, Marlin—they’re not only blood, they’re my charges. I don’t care how much older Marlin is. He’smine.
I glare at Axel Collins, and those eyes I’ve let him hypnotize me with because I can never safely say the same abouthim.
“Go to New York or I will never speak to you again.” I don’t dare tell him that it will be the same case if he stays. “In no way do I want to be that person who you will point an accusing finger at for the rest of your miserable life because I made you stay,” I spit the words out likevenom.
The entire purpose of this conversation and any other interaction we might have from this moment on will be just that—an effort to make him loathe me. It will be easier that way for both him and me. Leaving someone you love is hard on the heart and just as hard on the mind. People turn off their emotions real quick once they despise someone. I wish I could hate my mother. I’ve nurtured that love for her for far too long. I’ve hurt my heart, damaged it beyond repair. My mind is a maze of madness, of head games and defense mechanisms that I utilize just to keep breathing eachday.
“Lex.” Axel tips his head back, his eyes opened to the sky as if pleading for help from an outside source. “Why are you taking this so hard? I’m going to let them know I’m not coming. It was stupid of me to mentionit.”
“Please go.” My voice cracks. For a second I contemplate tricking him into believing I’m fine with a long distance relationship—drop him off at the airport and forget him. But I know Axel. He’d be on the next flight home if he thought something were amiss. No, this needed to end, and it needed to endnow.
“I’m breaking up with you.” I slap my palms over his chest and take a step back. “If you don’t have the backbone to do what’s right in your life, then you’re not the man forme.”
Axel lunges forward and wraps his arms around me like a vise. His eyes are glassy and his jaw set tight as we stare one another down sternly. Axel and I have been a fragile flower since the beginning, each petal encased in snow. But the thaw was coming. Eventually, the seasons change, and spring is inevitable. We weren’t strong enough to survive the sun and her heated affection. She had already killed us by merely exposing our faults with herlight.
I knew, Iknewin the deepest part of who I was that this was too good to be true. Axel and I were doomed from the start. This entire last year has felt as if I were running haphazard on a tight rope, no net. I’ve spent each day secretly dreading the fall. Sometimes it’s easier just to jump, get it over with, and that’s what I was doing.Jumping.
I take a breath and harden my resolve. “You didn’t think I was serious with you, did you?” I turn and walk briskly to the student parking lot. Axel doesn’tfollow.
I was serious with him. Far too serious for my owngood.
PresentDay
Lex
Igrowllike a madwoman at the bevy of protesters lining my front driveway as I barrel my way into thehouse.
Raven comes storming out of the kitchen clad in her uniform of old ratty sweats, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s with a spoon spiked through it as if it were arequirement.
“You.” I needle her with all of mydiscontent.
“You!” Raven jumps back, and that waterfall of inky dark hair spills over her shoulders. “You’re half-dressed! You’re wearing someone else’s clothes! You have no shoes on.” She stretches the words out with a newfound disdain as her eyes rise to my middle. “And my God, you have abush!”
I glance down at my newly exposed crotch and let out a howl of a scream. “This day just keeps getting worse and worse!” All sorts of gagging noises sputter up my throat as I dash into my bedroom and strip off all evidence of last night’s romp andstomp.
Raven blinks to life beside me, snickering and tittering while pointing at my girlparts.
“Boy, you must have really put on a show last night.” Then just as quick as her junior high glee showed up on the scene, it disappears as she gasps hard and slaps her hand over her face. “Yourbrother!”
“That’s right, mybrother,” I roar over her face. “How could you? Isn’t there some kind of a girl code you sorority girls pledge into for life? How is it that you practically cheerlead me into my ex’s bed and then you turn around and sic the Jepson PD on me who also happens to be the very last person on the planet who wants to see evidence of my sexuality? You sent him straight to ground zero!” I bellow over her until she shrinks into a semi-fetal position with her arms curled over herhead.
