Crap.
I swallow hard. I’d like to think it were as simple as me saying yes—that suddenly things would change for the better, but the reality is, all those old issues would be right there waiting for us again. They’re haunting us even now, waiting for us to just try and make things right so they can hack us to pieces all over again.
“Tell me what to do, Laney.” He lets out an exasperated breath. “Tell me who to cut out of my life, and I’ll do it.”
I dart my gaze into him as his words settle in my stomach like battery acid.
“I never asked you to cut anybody out of your life.” I hack the words through the air, jagged and careless. They slice right through any magic last night might have carried and expose this morning for what it is, the day after something that we’ll soon regret.
Ryder spikes up on his elbows, his features soften.
“That’s not what I meant.” His dimples dig in and out as he runs his tired gaze over me. “I’m serious, Laney. I’m in this for the long haul. There is nobody else that I care to keep in my life if it means I can’t have you. Don’t push me away.” He wraps his arm around me and lands a kiss over my shoulder. “Just let me love you.”
It’s tempting. I’m caving I can feel it, but that residual anger surges like a tidal wave.
“If you want this so bad, why make me choose who you’re going to spend your time with?” I shake my head while doing a quick scan of the floor for my dress. At this point I couldn’t care less about my underwear. Hell, I might even call the shoes a loss.
He secures his arm around my waist before I can even think of rolling out of bed. I glance back at him. Ryder is so damn handsome in this early morning light with his rumpled hair, his laser blue eyes pressing into me with something just this side of an intrusion. His cheeks are peppered with stubble, and it gives him that undeniably gorgeous look. Ryder Capwell is sex on a stick. Any woman on the face of the earth would give her right boob to be in my position.
“I’ve already chosen who I want to spend my life with.” A tiny dimple appears on his left cheek. “It’s you, Laney, it’s always been you. I’m sorry for every stupid thing I’ve said and done. From the bottom of my heart I beg your forgiveness.” His features harden as if he’s holding back tears.
A moment of silence stops up the air. Here it is, the fork in the relationship road. Go with Ryder or go home and hope you have enough AA batteries to reenact those wild stunts his tongue pulled off last night. Our eyes latch, and he winces as if pleading. My heart melts at the sight of him, at the thought of him wanting me just as bad as I want him.
“Okay,” I whisper, taking back my wrist.
“Okay?”
“I won’t cut you out of my life, Ryder.” I cup the side of his face, and he turns into me with a kiss. “I want this with you.”
“Laney.” His brows pitch, giving him that demonically sexy look I’ve missed so much. “Thank you.” He touches his forehead to mine, exhaling his relief over my chest. His breathing picks up pace. His eyes glisten with tears. Ryder melts his mouth over mine and pulls me over his body. We fall into a world of deep, soulful kisses—long, primal, animalistic, I’m-so-hungry-for-you tongue lashings, and, best of all, kisses that brand the words I love you over one another’s hearts better than words could ever do.
Sometimes you need to say things with actions, you need to show one another that the inherent promises a relationship entails are going to be kept. That when you give your heart away, the person you give it to will protect it at all costs. Every girl dreams of being loved with an unquenchable fire—and the only person who I’d want that combustible affection from is right here next me, lighting up the sheets.
I want my forever with Ryder Capwell and hope this time we can find a way to make it happen.
Something tells me it won’t be as easy as we would like it to be.
The long drive back to Whitney Briggs isn’t nearly as awkward as I imagined. Before we left, I showered alone despite a rather lengthy plea on his part. But I figured with all that slipping and sliding going on, I might be tempted to impale myself on his eminence and what with no protection around, things were bound to get procreative on us. Not that I’d mind having Ryder’s dark-haired, drop dead gorgeous children with their dimpled smiles, their midnight eyes. He’s one stud I’d gladly sacrifice the size of my uterus for. But I think we should take it one life event at a time, starting with the renewal of our relationship.
“So what’s the game plan for today?” I ask as the road stretches out in front of us like a long asphalt tongue. Everything in me cries out to have Ryder again. It’s all I can do to keep from taking the wheel and landing us in a ditch. I can’t help but notice that the world outside our windshield is giving off its own sexual projection. The evergreens spear the sky with their phallic protrusions. The rolling hills round out like a series of melon-like breasts that ache for a kiss from the horizon. The steel grey clouds look down over creation, heavy with anticipation, ready to release all of their frustration in one trembling thrust.
“No game plan. I’m with you.” Ryder picks up my hand and lands a simple kiss over the back. “That’s all I need to know. You sure you need to get to rehearsal? I’ve got a pretty good idea of where I can pick up those raincoats.” He nods to a gas station on our right.
I give a little laugh.Raincoatused to be our code word for condoms. Of course, I went on the pill to surprise him last Christmas, but we never got to the surprise. His mother and Meg made sure of that. But I’ve been on it ever since. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him last night. I guess, deep down, I wanted to make sure we were solid again, but, then, we were never solid to begin with. I suppose if I’m going to let a man rain down on my insides, I’d better be sure he’s the one. I glance over at Ryder in his dress shirt and jeans, his heavy wool coat on over that. He’s so gorgeous that a part of me demands we pull over so I can crawl onto his lap and let him take me right here in the field like a rabbit.
I press out a dull smile. Maybe I will tell him. Maybe that will be my gift to him on Christmas Eve. God knows I don’t have the funds for something far more tangible like a sweater or a tie. But I’m guessing he’d surrender ever wearing a sweater or tie again for the intimacy I’m about to gift him with.
We pull into the student parking lot, and he finds a spot closest to the entry near Prescott.
“I’ll take that as a no as far as the raincoats go.” He reaches over and tweaks my knee.
“More like a raincheck.”
“Come home with me tonight.” His eyes hold mine with the slight patina of desperation. Ryder is still afraid I might scatter like a timid bird, and a part of me wonders the same thing.
“I have a show tomorrow night.” I interlace our fingers and rub my thumb over his palm. I’m ready to cave—so close.
“I promise I’ll get you back on time.”
