The next morning, Ava and Harper sit on the bed across from me with their wordless judgments, their glaring accusations that scream louder and harsher than words ever could.
“Would you two stop?” I grunt just as my phone goes off once again. Lawson has texted and called a dozen times, but I’m too afraid to have a conversation with him right now. I’m too afraid to have anything to do with him ever again.
Don’t shut me out.
That’s his latest, but not his greatest plea by a mile.You didn’t do this to me—now that was a good one. He’s right in theory, but I can’t shake the feeling that yes indeed I did do this to him.
“Text him back.” Ava’s tone comes off like a threat. “Do it or I’ll steal your phone and do it for you. Grant says you’re killing him.”
“No, I’m not.” My heart wrenches at the thought. “I’m saving his life.”
Harper moans at the idea. “You’re not saving anything. You’reruiningthings. The way you described what was said in that room before all hell broke loose—that’s every girl’s dream. You’re insane if you let your demented brother rule your life this way. Don’t you see? You’re giving Jet just what he wanted. Now the next time you’re with a guy all he has to do is break a few heads, and he knows you’ll be single by morning. You need to teach him a lesson and stick to your guns. Lawson and you were meant to be together.”
“We’re not. Trust me. And there won’t be anyone else for me either. I’m doing the entire opposite gender a favor by stepping to the single sidelines—permanently. Jet means well, but I don’t think anybody is going to teach that old rabid dog new tricks. He’s no Owen. I saw the look in my brother’s eyes. He was ready to do prison time for me.” I wince over at Ava because her sister happens to be doing prison time. “Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize to me.” She stretches her leg out and kicks my foot. “Apologize to Lawson. After the beating that guy took for you last night? He didn’t fight back, Lucky. He was letting Jet do what he had to do, and he took it like a man.”
“He passed out. One more blow and he could have landed in a coma. He could have died.” I dive my face into my pillow and buck with tears, my hot breath my only comfort. Yes, Lawson is back at Beta house this morning, but he could have just as easily landed in the morgue. I can’t kill another person. I can’t let that weigh on me like this.
In my mind’s eye, it all plays out, each death directly a result of my unwitting madness, this curse that’s followed me around since my conception. I don’t know what happened to Jade, but I’ve always surmised I had something to do with it. Did I wrap the cord around her neck? Steal all of the oxygen? Knife her heart out with my fingernails? It’s all a possibility. And my father? I’ll never forget the day Jet sat me down and told me that he tripped over toys on the stairs. My slovenly behavior led straight to my father’s broken neck. Then there was my mother—the sweet angel of a woman I adored with all my heart. One day I asked her to slice an apple for me—an apple. She cut her finger, almost down to the bone. She refused to do more than rinse it under the sink. An infection set in, and she went into septic shock. She died in less than a week. Blood poisoning. I had done that to her. In all of these deaths, I was the common denominator. I was the poison.
A gentle knock comes over the door, and I shake my head at the two of my friends with a not-so veiled death threat in my eyes. Harper smiles and gives me the finger, opening the door wide enough to reveal Daisy and her patchy red face.
So she’s been crying—so what? She’ll get over it. It’s me who’ll be bawling for the rest of my life.
She swoops in and sits beside me, patting my back as if attempting to burp me, but I keep my eyes trained on the wall in front of me.
“Jet sends his love. He’s so sick. Lucky, I’ve never seen him this upset.”
“I guess that’s what happens when you come this close to committing a homicide.”
She clucks her tongue. “He’s sick about you, too. He’s convinced himself he’s ruined your relationship.”
“He has. Both my relationship with him and Lawson are forever lost. I’m not sure Jet and I will ever be close again.” I pull back and look her in the eye. “I know for a fact Lawson and I will never be close again. Jet made sure of that.”
“Lawson isn’t angry with you.” She’s shaking her head so hard it assures me that Daisy is here to plead both Jet’s and Lawson’s case. “Lawson feels terrible about this. Why don’t you give them both a call? I know it will make everyone involved feel better. Push aside the hurt and anger you feel toward your brother and move on, Lucky. Be happy that Lawson is all right—that Jet has cooled off.”
“For now.” I spear her with a look. “He’ll go off the rails again soon. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it.” We both know it’s true. Jet is a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.
“Lucky”—her voice trembles—“I know you’ll repair your relationship with Jet. It might take time, but this bond you have is too strong to ever be broken. But Lawson? I don’t want to see you push away a good thing just because things went a little haywire.”
“Haywire?” My eyes enlarge at her belittling slight. “They went far more thanhaywire, Daisy. They went fucking nuclear. Look, I appreciate all of your good advice. I really do, but, right now, I just want to pack my things and get lost for the next solid week.”
“Don’t you dare disappear on your brother.” Her eyes are wild with fear. Figures. Daisy knows Jet’s temperament with me just as well as I do. He’s beyond rabid. Jet sank his overprotective teeth into me years ago when our mother died, and he’ll be dead and buried himself before he ever lets go. And even then he’ll probably haunt all of my prospective suitors from the grave.
Nope, Jet will never change.
“Tell Jet not to worry.” I swing my legs over the side of the mattress and pull my suitcase out from underneath my bed. “Where I’m going, there isn’t a single thing that can happen to me.”
Lawson
“She wantsnothing to do with me.” I push my plate aside as Grant and Rush stare back at me, stone-faced. They followed me over to campus, in the event I mysteriously toppled over, then convinced me to make a left and head to the Black Bear instead. My head feels as if a hammer crashed down over it, and that hammer’s name is Jet Madden. “Dude, you guys can head back. I promise I’m not storming up to her dorm.” That’s a lie, but I know if I try to make a run for it in my weakened state they could easily stop me. That’s the real reason they’re here. I confessed that I was headed over to speak with Lucky face to face, and when they couldn’t talk me out of it, they sat my ass down in this chair and shoved a burger in my face.
“She just needs space.” Grant’s face pinches with grief as if he knows that’s not entirely true. He’s been keeping a steady dialogue going with Ava, getting minute-by-minute updates on Lucky, and judging by that pained look on his face, it doesn’t bode well for me.
“She needsme,” I say it so convincingly I almost believe it myself.
“She doesn’t need you at the moment.” Rush looks pissed, and I can’t tell if it’s because he’s on my side or he’s sticking up for Lucky and the embargo she’s placed on our budding relationship. “Look, if it’s meant to be, she’ll come around. A girl like Lucky doesn’t just gift her virginity to someone and not want anything to do with them. She’s into you. You said so yourself, she said she loved you.”
