“I don’t have to hate her.” I let the words swill around my ears before I ever believe them. The truth is, I’ve hated Aubree Vincent since the day they hauled her in for questioning. Prior to zeroing in on my sister’s killer, I never bought the idea that my sister took her own life. I watched my parents go through hell before her conviction. Not that putting her away did them any good. But every nightmare that has overtaken our lives can be accurately traced back to Aubree. I hate her so thoroughly that my days are often fueled with my anger toward her. “Who would I be if I didn’t hate her?” I take a sip of my drink and watch as Darcy tries to choke out an answer.
“A better person.”
A hand falls over my shoulder, and I turn to find Bryson Edwards nodding down at me. I knew a run-in with Bryson was almost imminent once we set foot in here, but a part of me was hoping for a small holiday miracle. I shouldn’t be too surprised. Miracles never were my thing.
“You got a minute?” He nods toward the back, and I blow out a breath just thinking of where this might be headed.
“Sure.” I excuse myself from the table and follow him to the empty poolroom. Bryson reminds me a lot of Jet, with his beefed up arms, tatted up sleeves, that same cautiously friendly smile. “What’s up?”
“I’m glad to see you here.” He examines my features, my eyes as if looking for something he lost. “You look so much like her.” His smile comes and goes. “I miss her.” His eyes mist up, and I almost want to believe him. “She had a smile that rivals those stadium lights they use on the football field.”
Something in me warms when he says it because I know for a damn fact it was true. Stephanie knew how to ignite the night with just the curve of her lips, a lot like Ava. And I feel like a traitor comparing the two.
“I do miss her,” he insists. “And I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I really do think she had something to do with me meeting Baya.” He winces. “I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way. It’s just—it was her birthday, Stephanie’s. I was talking to her like I do sometimes, and I wondered what she would want me to be doing and with who—that’s when I bumped into Baya.” He shakes his head in lieu of an apology.
That scene last night in the hall where I wondered who I belonged with comes to mind. I bumped into Ava. Of all the parties at Beta house, not once did I bump into anyone, not like that, not when I needed to most.
“It could have been a coincidence.” I’m quick to shoot down his afterlife-inspired love connection, but a strong surge of hope fills me, because what if…
“Nope.” He shakes his head, emphatic. “I swear it was her. Steph’s always been on point when it comes to people. She can figure out who you should and shouldn’t be hanging around with.”
“Then why the hell did she hang around with Aubree?” I spear him with all the deadness I’ve been lugging around in my soul, all the soot, the grief that sticks to the inside of me like tar. “She wasn’t agoodjudge of character, Bryson. If she was, she’d still be here today.”
“She was friends with Aubree.” He bows his head and scratches at the back of his neck like a dog that’s spent too much time in the sun. “She had a bad feeling about her. The relationship went south once Aubree expressed interest in me. Steph and I were just friends at that point, but it was me she was looking out for.” He pauses, staring hard out the window behind me. “I never thought”—his voice breaks—“it never occurred to me when Steph passed that Aubree had anything to do with it. I could never imagine.”
“No one did.” Not even the cops. My mother swore it was a homicide—the note wasn’t even close to her penmanship, but they wouldn’t open a case. “They ruled it a suicide, and that’s what stuck.”
“Until it didn’t.” He clasps his hand over my arm. “Steph was exonerated. We know she wanted to live. She loved you.”
“She lovedyou.” I pin him with the words. A part of me wants to watch him squirm a little. Bryson has led a storybook life since my sister’s passing, and all my sister got was the life knocked out of her.
“I want to be your friend, Grant. We used to be. I think we can be again.”
A lump settles in my throat. When I lost Steph, I lost Bryson, too. He was the one who taught me how to throw a ball. He came to all my games and cheered me on right next to Steph. But sometimes in life there’s just too much baggage to deal with, and that’s what Bryson and I have between us, a shit load of baggage.
“Do you know when my sister died, I mourned losing you just as much as her? I hated you at first because I thought you could have stopped her. I couldn’t understand why you didn’t love my sister—why you shattered her heart and drove her to do what you did.” Now it’s my voice breaking as tears blur my vision.
“Come here.” He pulls me in, and I let him as he offers a firm embrace. “She’d want us to be friends. Hell, we’re family.” He pulls back and slaps me over the arm. “Owen tells me you fell for Ava.” He nods into this fact as if he understood it. “I saw the aftermath of the big gene pool reveal. No one ever said love was fair. I don’t think Steph would want you blowing Ava off just because of Aubree. Steph was a good judge of character and did love Ava.”
I meet up with his watery eyes once again. “She did?”
“Yup. I remember her telling me once that she didn’t trust Aubree as far as she could throw her, but that little sister who tagged along with her sure was cute. They bumped into one another at the mall once or twice. So you see, Steph gave Ava the seal of approval long ago.” He socks me in the arm. “I’m betting that was for you. Steph would want you to be happy.”
It’s as if the floor shifts underneath my feet. Steph met Ava. She approved of Ava. Steph wouldn’t want me to hate anyone. I know Darcy is right. And I know Bryson is right, too—Steph would want me to be happy.
“Thanks for that.” I hold out my hand, and Bryson shakes it before pulling me into another strong embrace.
“Thanks for letting me back into your life. Expect to see me at the games.” He leans back. “Now, what are you going to do about that girl?”
“I don’t know. As much as my gut says go get her, my heart knows it wouldn’t work. It couldn’t. Her sister killed mine. It’s a lot to rise above in any relationship. Maybe in the long run she’ll thank me for letting her go.”
Bryson shakes his head, his dazed stare still locked to mine. “I hope you’re not making a big mistake.”
I hope I’m not either.
After Darcyand I say goodbye, I head back to the dorm just as a flood of bodies fills the commons room. It’s the final house party before we officially disband and everyone goes their separate ways for winter break. I shower and dress, take extra care in getting ready tonight. I’m not sure why. I’m not gunning for a reunion with Ava, at least not cerebrally. My heart seems to be on autopilot, and it’s not giving up the controls.
I head down and spot Rush and Lawson stacking beer cans into an overgrown pyramid.
