Hell, I don’t know. Maybe she thinks Darcy and I are back together and doesn’t want to get in the way? I knew she had a schoolgirl crush on me. Every part of me wants to admit I feel the same, but a part of me knows that I need this time. How am I supposed to find myself, sew up those gaping wounds that Steph left in her wake if I keep running from girl to girl?
I head into the haunted frat house, and the jet engine level of music, the mindboggling crowd of people sets my skin on fire.
I don’t know why I’m fighting it. This is exactly what it feels like inside my head, twenty-four seven.
I spot Lawson and Rush laughing it up near the refreshment table. A pot with dry ice seeps its icy fingers out over the vicinity and makes this entire night feel like a mindfuck.
Ava jumps up beside Rush, giving his ear a little tug, and something about that flirtatious gesture makes me want to vomit my intestines onto the floor. That little display out front earlier made me see red—made me certain that at some point in the evening I would be forced to kick Rush’s preppy little ass.
“Here you are!” Darcy screams into my ear at the top of her lungs. She has a beer in one hand, me in the other, and I’m quick to evade the move.
Darcy tilts her head at me knowingly. “This is for you.” She shoves the bottle into my hand, and I knock back half of it without coming up for air, feeling the burn all the way down and accepting it. There’s something honest about pain, the way it lacerates you with its bitter sting.
When my sister died, death’s sting lingered for so many damn years. I can still feel it. Sometimes, I think I want to. Without the pain, the anger might go away, and without the anger, everything might somehow feel okay—as if losing Stephanie were just one of those things. That will never happen. I glance back over at Rush with his arms swimming all over Ava, his meat hooks coming daringly close to the girls blossoming out of her shirt. A part of me wants to go over and tell him to stay the fuck off my little sister, but something tells me I’ve lost that privilege. Ava isn’t up to playing our little sibling games these days—not sure I am either.
Ava’s hair catches the light with a reddish tint, and I’m mesmerized as I take another hit off my beer. Darcy plucks the bottle right out of my mouth.
“Maybe alcohol isn’t the way to go tonight.” She sways her body to the music until she’s landed in front of me, effectively blocking Rush and Ava from view. “How about we take off? We can have our own party. Maybe we can go trick-or-treating?” Her eyes expand with a desperation I haven’t seen in her before.
“No.” The old me would have apologized for my lack of enthusiasm, for letting her think for a minute that this impromptu visit wasn’t a good idea, but for some reason, the old me has been put on a shelf.
The day Ava came crashing into my world was like a breath of fresh air was blown into me. I became a new creation, a better version of who I could ever hope to be. And now, watching Rush all but tackle her, I’m not sure what I’ve morphed into. One thing is for sure—I’m boiling with rage.
“What are you looking at?” Darcy tries to follow my gaze, but a sea of people drifts by, blocking her view.
“I’d say nothing, but that’d just be another lie,” I whisper.
“I’m going to get myself something to wet my tongue!” she shouts up over the music. “You want anything else?Another one?” she mouths while pointing to my beer.
“No.” I put the bottle down as soon as Darcy disappears out of sight. I thread my way through the crowd, over to the other side of the room, my adrenaline pumping louder and faster than the music with every step.
Ava’s hips grind smoothly to the music, that short skirt of hers rising up with every move. She has a pair of fishnets on, high heels that show off those long stems of hers. But it’s her face that lights up the room, that one million kilowatt smile ignites the commons area like an entire solar system worth of stars.
Lawson is the first to greet me. Scratch that—only one to greet me. Both of Ava’s friends sneer at the sight of me, but I’m not too concerned with what they might be thinking. I know I never set out to upset Ava. I would die before I did that.
Lawson slaps me over the back. “What’s up, man? Where’s your girlfriend?”
Shit.
Ava glances over with a slight smirk of her own before refocusing her attention back on Rush. And damn it all if he isn’t lapping it up like a puppy about to get scratched in his favorite spot.
“She’s not my girlfriend,” I growl so low I doubt he heard, don’t really care if he did. Then it knifes me. If Lawson thinks that’s the way things are, then everyone must assume the same, including Ava.
The music switches gears to something slower, and the room explodes with a collective sigh as the girls begin to sway in unison. Ava bites down on that poppy red lip of hers and tosses her arms around Rush’s neck the way she did mine in the gym that day.
For a moment I’m convinced they’re going to dance. Other couples are spontaneously doing it. Hell, Lawson and some chick dressed like a dominatrix are doing it, but Rush starts nibbling on Ava’s neck, and my blood runs cold.
“Shit. He can’t do that,” I pant as if my opinion about anything would matter. “Hey.” I try to get his attention without stepping in too close. A swarm of coeds bursts in from behind, butting me into Ava and Rush without meaning to.
“Watch it, dude.” Rush elbows me before diving his mouth back over her neck.
Ava glances over with a sleepy-eyed expression, her lips parting as if she’s actually enjoying it.
I’ve had my fair share of surreal moments, those out-of-body experiences that leave you to believe no matter what happens next nothing is real, of no consequence—it’s all some warped and twisted dream you’ll soon wake up from.
Rush brushes a line of kisses up her cheek, and I kick his leg out from under him.
“What the hell?” He gives a hard look my way. “Dude—get lost, would you?” He ducks back down for another peck. Here it is, a real do-or-die moment. I either kick the living shit out of my best friend or turn the hell away.
