Springvale
Darcy
I passed a restless night with less than two hours of sleep. My anticipation of pressing my suit to Elizabeth in the morning consumed me. At one point, I almost left my bed to compose my overture to her. But I abandoned the enterprise lest my proposal sound like a rehearsed oration rather than a sincere request.
Winston gave me a perplexed look when I asked him to change the blue coat he had selected for a green one. I had observed Miss Bennet to wear riding habits of green or cream, and as nonsensical as my reasoning may have been, I did not want any part of my person to be out of harmony with her today.
I took a position to await her beneath an old elm—an ideal vantage ground with views of the two main paths from Knight’s Manor. I caught sight of her familiar form, dressed in green, upon the grey mare half a mile away. When she came within thirty yards of me, I emerged from the shelter of the tree and waved.
She returned the gesture and slowed the horse from a canter to a walk when she neared me. “Good morning, Mr. Darcy. You are welcome back to the neighbourhood.”
“Thank you, Miss Bennet.” I indulged in a moment to drink in the sight of her unique beauty, enhanced on this occasion by her rosy cheeks and the wind-blown curls framing her face. Although the many images of her tucked away in my memory had made the days of our separation endurable, none compared to the reality. “My sister will not be riding this morning. I came here to find you because I need to speak with you on a subject of import.”
“Oh, I see. I hope Miss Darcy is in good health.”
“Yes, she is quite well.” I swept my arm towards a track leading to the woods, adorned in rich russets, ambers, and yellows to herald the season. “There is a glade along that path where I thought we might talk. We may leave our horses tied here.”
“Very well.”
I assisted her to dismount, revelling in the all-too-brief contact. After we secured Lily and Regal, I offered her my forearm. She rested her limb upon mine with an exquisite lightness. I savoured the enticing essence, unique to her, that wafted around me. She did not speak, and I searched my mind for turns of phrase I might employ to request her hand; none of them seemed worthy. Yet my precise wording mattered not, as long as I made the offer.
At my suggestion, she settled upon a fallen log. I dismissed the notion of getting down upon one knee as too melodramatic. Instead, I stood before her. “From our first meeting, I have been drawn to you in an inexplicable and powerful way. Never before have I experienced such a phenomenon.”
With a sharp, indrawn breath, her gaze lowered to her lap.
“Despite your initial disinclination towards me because of my purchase of Lily, your many singular qualities drew my admiration and regard. My affection for you has grown with our every meeting. By the time I left for town, I had resolved to make you my wife.”
Elizabeth’s head shot up, and her hazel eyes locked upon me. It seemed my declaration shocked her. No doubt she had believed a match between us to be impossible.
“Will you consent to assure my future happiness by accepting my hand in marriage?” There, I had done it. I indulged in a deep breath.
The stiffness in my posture receded, but as the seconds passed in silence, my weight shifted from side to side, and I pulled on my coat sleeves. Would she not speak? Faint, vertical furrows arose between her fine eyes; she appeared more troubled than elated.
“Forgive me, but I am taken aback.” She gripped the garnet cross around her neck, rolling the crucifix between her fingers. “I had the impression you intended to court my cousin Cassie.”
What nonsense is this?“Certainly not. Miss Barton is an acquaintance, nothing more.” I winced; my response came out more forcefully than necessary.
“But she seems to be certain…” Elizabeth shifted her head sideways. “In any case, I had no idea you felt anything towards me beyond friendship. Although I am honoured by your offer, I…I cannot accept.” Her soft intonation did nothing to lessen the sting of her refusal. My stomach muscles contracted, and a wooden sensation in my legs rendered me immobile. This could not be her final answer!
What would induce her to reject me? This ought to have been a moment of felicity; instead, a dull, heavy sensation afflicted me, almost as though I had drifted into a terrible dream. A cloudy film blurred my vision, provoking me to blink and avert my gaze from her. Did she mean to punish me for not having made my intentions known sooner?
With several measured inhalations, I attempted to soothe my inner tumult and ease the writhing pain in my chest before I fixed upon her again. “I should like to know the reason for your refusal. Unless I am mistaken, you have a favourable opinion of me, and you formed an affinity with my sister as well. I have the means to support you in comfort and provide anything you may wish for.”For Heaven’s sake,I could ensure you never had to part withLily. Of course, to mention that would make me sound desperate…or ridiculous.
Her mouth compressed for a moment, yet a soft glimmer danced within her entrancing irises. “You are not mistaken. I like you and Miss Darcy very much. Nevertheless, you deserve to marry a lady who returns your love, and I cannot state with certainty that I do.”
She does not love me. Yet she did not discount the possibility she could do so in the future. Unlike dozens of other ladies I could name, she would not accept me for material advantages or to elevate her rank. In her rejection, she managed to increase my longing for her. More than any other lady I had ever met,shewas worth winning.
My error glared before me like a beacon in a storm: I had never made the slightest effort toearnher affections. Instead, my primary focus had been upon my futile inner struggle to overcome my feelings for her. All along, I had assumed her heart to be mine for the taking—an absurd and arrogant premise. I had been a conceited fool.
“I am sorry for any disappointment you may feel.”
Unequal, at the moment, to speech, I took a seat upon the log, landing rather clumsily and preserving a two-foot berth between us. I placed my palms flat upon the trunk to steady myself. “You have no cause to apologise,Miss Bennet. I have done you a disservice. I never behaved towards you as a suitor. Rather, I took pains to conceal my feelings for you with the erroneous expectation that in time, they would dissipate. In light of this, your response is judicious…and most commendable.”
A dense sensation hampered my throat. “I should be grateful for the opportunity to correct my blunder. Will you allow me to court you?”
She gave me a fleeting smile. “Yes, I should.”
At her answer, a burst of hope restored my vitality, and I sat taller.
