“Are you ashamed of her?” Her voice is etched with shock.
I snap my head up at her. “Of course I’m not ashamed of Eli. I love Eli.”
“So, why have you been hiding her from them? These are supposed to be your mentors. Shouldn’t they know something that impacts you and your work schedule so dramatically?”
“Yes. I’m planning on telling them. It’s just been chaotic. I’m trying to get my head out from under water.”
A cynical laugh escapes from her. “Really? Are you sure you’re not worried about whether or not they’ll think you’re as valuable as you were before you had such a big commitment outside of work?”
Her words are so spot-on that it nearly pulls a gasp from me. She always knows exactly what’s going on inside of my head. It’s alarming at times.
“Is it so wrong if I am?” I ask defensively.
“I mean, if that’s who you want to be. If where you want to spend your time is a place that sees your daughter as a roadblock to more money.”
“That’s not fair, Jessie.”
“No, Walker. You know what’s not fair? You walking around, hiding shit from people you claim to care about.”
The double meaning to that statement is clear. It’s exactly what I knew was coming by jumping into this without a plan, without a decision.
“You hide Eli from the people who should know her, and you hide the truth from me. Do you realize what that says, Walker?That we’re both just things you keep locked away until it’s convenient.”
“That’s not what I’m doing, Jessie. I’m just … I’m trying to hold it all together. You don’t understand. If I tell you, if I lay it all out, I might lose everything.”
Tears begin to fall down her cheeks. She does her best to wipe them away, but they continue to come down. I reach over to smooth them away, but she shoves my arm out of the way.
“You’re already losing me. I can’t do this anymore, not when you keep half of yourself locked away. Until you’re ready to be honest with me abouteverything, we’re done.”
She jumps off of the couch and grabs her purse from the chair in the foyer. I chase after her, toward the door, as panic begins to build in my veins, adrenaline pumping through me.
“Jessie, wait, please …”
She turns around with those tears stuck in her eyes, making my heart shatter. “No, Walker. I’m done. You don’t know what the hell you want, and I won’t stick around, waiting for you to figure it out.”
She shuts the door in my face, leaving me standing alone as I try to figure out what just happened. How did it all spiral out of control so quickly? One minute, we were getting ready to watch a show, and the next, I’ve lost the most important woman in my life. The woman I love.
My head falls back as I try to stop the tears that threaten to come. I should have never let it get this far. I let myself pretend there was a possibility I could have it all. The woman I love, a beautiful daughter, and a successful career. Now I’m on theverge of losing everything, all because I’m too much of a coward to take what I want.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jessie
Ihate him. I hate that he has this power over me. I hate myself for not being smart enough to say no from the beginning. Mostly, I hate how much I love him despite all that has happened. My heart feels smashed to pieces so small that there’s no use in even trying to put it back together.
I want to call him and scream at him. Beg him to stop being so afraid of what everyone else thinks about how he should live his life and just live it for himself. But I know that will fall on deaf ears. He’s proven himself to be too weak to stand up for what he believes in, and I’m the collateral damage.
Anger seeps deep down into my bones, hardening me from inside out. I feel the old, protective Jessie coming back. The one who will use humor and insults as a defense mechanism to guard herself.
My muscles are tense from the lack of sleep I got last night. Thankfully, it’s Friday. I just need to get through today, and then I can bury myself under the covers and hide away from the world.
I feel my phone buzz in my purse that I tossed on the ground this morning when I got here. I reach in and pull it out to see who’s calling. A wave of relief washes over me when I see my dad’s name flashing across the screen. This is exactly who I needed to talk to.
“Hi, Dad,” I answer with a sense of comfort.
“Hi, sweetie. Guess what,” he says cheerfully.
“What?” I reply.
