“I think I need to change her,” I tell Jessie. “Where’s the restroom so I can change her diaper?” I ask the waitress.
She looks at me awkwardly. “Oh, there’s only a changing table in the women’s restroom. Maybe your wife can change her?”
I nearly fall out of my seat. “There’s no changing table in the men’s room?”
“Uh, no, sir. I’m sorry.”
How in the hell am I supposed to change my daughter’s diaper? Is this some kind of rule everywhere? What about a single dad like myself? Am I not allowed to take my baby out?
I start to panic as I realize the world might not be set up for the convenience of my and Eli’s situation. This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have been so bold, thinking I could handle going out after only one week with a baby.
“I’ll take her, honey.” Jessie smiles knowingly at me. “You do so much already.”
She stands up and takes Eli from my arms, then grabs the diaper bag. My knee bounces up and down nervously as I watch her disappear with my baby that I apparently can’t take care of in public.
By the time they’re back, Eli is happy as a clam. I take her from Jessie and prop her up on my lap.
“You eat,” I tell her. “I don’t want your food to get cold.”
I grab a slice of pizza and take a bite, the taste not even registering in my brain.
“Hey,” Jessie calls from across the table, pulling me from my thoughts. “It’ll get easier. Not every restaurant will be like this. This one is apparently stuck in the dark ages.”
“So, when I go out to dinner, it’ll be a toss-up on whether or not I can take care of my baby?” I reply with a bitter taste in my mouth.
The sympathetic look on her face tells me everything I need to know.
The rest of the evening sinks under a heavy weight. What I thought I needed—a distraction, a way to smother the fire of my longing—turns out to be something else entirely. I’m forced to see the truth—I have a hard road ahead of me as Eli and I try to carve out our place in a world that was never built with us in mind.
Chapter Eleven
Jessie
I’ve been in a weird mood all day. It started as soon as Walker came home from work at lunchtime. I knew it was the end of my time with him and Eli.
The moment I handed her back to him, I grabbed my bags and rushed out before he could see the tears pricking my eyes. I felt like a fool. I had spent one week with them. There was no reason for me to feel so emotional about it.
The entire walk to work, I cursed myself for letting my heart get mixed up in Walker again. I’d thought I buried my feelings deep enough that they’d never resurface.
And yet spending the week with him—watching him become a father—it was impossible not to crack in half as he took on the role with no questions asked.
I glance down at my watch. It’s after seven, and I know I need to go home. Just thinking about going back to my place depresses me.
I need to shake this.
With Eva at home with the baby, I know I have to find another alternative.
I reach for my phone and send out a text to my friend Melissa. We went to undergrad and law school together. We go way back, having known each other since we were eighteen. She’s a lawyer at a large firm here in the city.
Me: Tell me you’re out right now. I need a drink.
As I pack my things into my brown leather bag, I feel the fear pressing against my chest. It took me years to stop thinking about Walker every night before I went to sleep. I can’t let this happen again.
My phone beeps. I nearly knock it off my desk as I fumble to open it.
Melissa: You’re in luck. Just got done having a drink with our new clients. They’re the worst humans on this planet. Come join me. I need another drink to recoup from the last hour of my life.
I text her back as I walk out the door.
