But why can’t he have me? What is holding him back? What can’t he tell me?
Back then, I had just turned eighteen. I could possibly see why he would hesitate, though he didn’t have to be such a dick about it. I was young and sensitive.
It can’t be my age.
Ugh, I’m so frustrated. I’ve spent so many years hating him, thinking he was the spawn of Satan, for treating me so poorly. For pretending like I never existed after that night. I told myself time and time again that he just wasn’t attracted to me, no matter how much that hurt. No matter how many times I swore I caught his eyes drinking me in with appreciation.
It’s what drove my hatred all these years, fueling it for the next time I saw him—the anger from knowing that my body reacted to him so viscerally while he was indifferent to me.
But that’s all gone, taken away from me in an instant. Vanished in a painstakingly sexy moment, where he had me pinned up against the window like he was seconds away from throwing caution to the wind and owning my body.
Somewhere in the middle of the night, I’m startled awake by Eli’s wailing. I look over at Walker, who shed his clothes sometime in the night, all the way down to his black boxer briefs. His beauty fuels my anger.
I reach over and punch him in the stomach.
“Ughhhhh,” he grunts in agony.
Honestly, I didn’t punch him that hard. It’s an overreaction. He looks around like he doesn’t know where he is. Once it dawns on him what’s going on, he sits up.
“You could have just nudged me awake,” he bites out as he stomps away in a daze.
I nod off back to sleep until Walker’s presence wakes me again. He is pacing around the room, right in front of the coffee table, with Eli over his shoulder as he pats her back.
I take this time to watch him in the soft city glow coming from the window, casting him and Eli in a blanket of light. The way he sways back and forth with her chubby little fist caught under her chin. My heart cracks open even more, leaving crevices for him to sneak back in. I know this isn’t good. I just need to get through a couple more nights. I’m sure by then he will tell Eva, and everything will be okay.
I’ll be back at home and far away from him. I’m sure everything will go back to normal.
The glow of the laptop at night is starting to strain my eyes. I reach into my bag and grab my blue light glasses.
Today was crazy. I spent the morning with Eli while Walker went to work, and then we switched.
We are now sitting on his couch, working, while Eli sleeps in the other room. The monitor is sitting between us, the white noise machine sounding through the device.
I reach for the glass of wine and take a sip as I look up at the episode ofThe Officeplaying in the background.
Walker has on his glasses and is scowling down at his laptop like it just insulted his mother. I find it amusing to watch. He beginstyping aggressively, each finger pushing harder than the last, until I’m afraid the keys are about to start flying across the room.
“Is everything all right over there, buddy?” I ask curiously, my smirk hiding behind my glass of wine.
“Everything’s fine,” he bites out as he continues to abuse his keyboard.
“Doesn’t seem like it,” I press, wondering what the hell has him so worked up.
He stops typing and looks over at me. “What makes you say that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe the fact that if your keyboard could speak, it would be begging for mercy.”
His jaw moves from one side to the other as he seems to work out what he wants to say, and then he takes a long, defeated breath.
“It’s this damn case that our firm just landed. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime kind of case, one that could make me the most-sought-after attorney in the city if I won.”
“And you want it assigned to you?” I assume, realizing where this is going.
“I’m the best one for the job. I can do this. I can win this case. I just don’t know if my hours this week are going to cost me the opportunity.”
This week? If this case is as big as he is claiming it is, he would be working hours not suitable for a single father. Eli needs him. She can’t have a mother who abandoned her and a father who is gone most of the time.
“If you did get awarded the case, you wouldn’t be able to work your usual late hours. Not with Eli.”
