She rotated her hips. Experimenting with different motions. Front to back, side to side. Circle around. Sinking deep, taking his hard length to the hilt. Everything felt delicious. Every second she was aware of the hard, big presence inside her. Possessing her.
It felt right. This union. This was her husband. The man who owned her heart. She was his, and through this joining, they became one.
“That’s it. Enjoy my cock, darling. It’s all for you. Ride it hard, make yourself come all over it. I’m so fucking hard, Alice. Onlyyou can make me feel this way. And you are so wet. It’s like being enveloped by liquid fire.”
Nathaniel had always been vocal, and she loved her husband’s dirty mouth. She never had to wonder what he was thinking, what he was feeling when they joined. He told her freely. Nor did she have to wonder what he wanted; he asked outright. But he also invited her to share her feelings and wants. It was as if he wanted perfect communication, perfect union, perfect harmony, when they were joined together as close as two human beings could be. It was so freeing. So liberating. So incredibly exhilarating.
So why couldn’t they communicate as well outside of bed? Or maybe she should say, outside of marital relations, since not all their joinings took place in bed, as was the case now. But she was digressing. Why couldn’t they communicate as well in other matters? Why were there so many doubts, secrets, and misunderstandings between them?
She rotated her hips, and his length hit a spot of raw sensation inside her, drawing a gasp from her lips, scrambling her thoughts, obliterating anything but the pursuit of this sensation. She chased it, repeating the movement, her breaths coming in short gasps. His hands on her hips supported and stabilized her but didn’t control her movements. He was always so attuned to her needs. It was no surprise that when she needed a little extra help to fly over the edge, his thumb insinuated itself between their bodies and rubbed her pearl, that small place where all sensation coalesced.
“Nate…” she sobbed. Begging for him not to cease. For him not to leave her hanging on the edge of this precipice. He knew exactly how to touch her, the pressure, the motion she needed. Knew her body almost better than herself.
“That’s it, sweetheart. Chase your pleasure. You are so fucking beautiful when you come apart in my arms. I got you. I wantto experience your sweet release. I want you squeezing my cock with the spasms of your flesh.”
The pressure and speed of his thumb on her nub increased, and he leaned forward and unerringly caught her breast with his mouth. Even through her blouse and chemise, he found the nipple and bit down softly with inexorable pressure. The sting of the bite was muffled by the layers of fabric and yet provided enough stimulation to make her fly free.
Her release rose and overflowed, overtook every limb, every part of her. Her ears muffled the sounds of her scream and the roar of his release as they shot together to the stars like fireworks. She felt the spasms of his cock deep inside her, the liquid warmth of his release. And throughout it all, his presence was there, steady. In her, around her. Providing pleasure and stability. Safety and risk.
She fell boneless against his chest, his phallus still inside her. While his arms cradled her, his hands caressed her head, and his mouth scattered soft kisses along her temple. She wished they could stay like this for an eternity. Without thinking, without plans. Only feeling. But of course, this moment couldn’t last forever. Even now, in passion’s aftermath, Nathaniel’s chest rose and fell under her cheek, but instead of the languid satisfaction she expected, she felt a subtle tension in his body, the taut set of a man holding something back. Of course. She knew he would not be distracted from his purpose for long.
Soon, his low, wistful voice washed over her. “Alice, love, I can’t keep doing this. The spy work—the blood, the shadows, the endless nights. It thrilled me once, when we were young and reckless, but now…” He dragged a hand over his face. “Now I cannot watch you gamble your life every night. I want a quiet life with you. We could spend half the year in the countryside. You could help me manage my estate, support me in parliament. I would also support any causes you decide to take on. Like theone you are involved in with the Duchess of Aycliffe. But not as an obscure agent, but as Viscountess Greystone. My viscountess. I know that after the excitement and adventure of the spy life, it may seem dull, but I promise you it’s very rewarding. You could effect change on a bigger scale. And…” His voice hesitated. And when he resumed, it had lowered to a yearning rasp. “We could have children. I want a family with you. But the spy lifestyle is not very conducive to having a family, is it?”
So much love. Tenderness and safety. Ecstasy and adventure. He offered to fulfill the deepest yearnings of her heart. A need she had buried so deep she didn’t even know she had it. But it had begun to sprout the moment she had cradled the tiny twins in her arms. She had felt such a rush of tenderness and…craving for those babies. Now, with his words, that need crystallized in her mind. She wanted children with Nathaniel. Wanted a family with him more than anything. But…
“So what are you saying?” she whispered, cold fear swamping her chest, threatening to drown her hope.
“I’m saying I want us to abandon spying and become a family.”
Her breath seized. There it was. The catch. She withdrew from him, his member sliding thickly from within her flesh. As she stood and arranged her skirts, a trail of moisture slid down the inside of her thigh. His seed. That he had deposited deep inside her. And not for the first time since their reconciliation. He wanted a family. And she did too. Maybe they had already started one. She loved this man with everything in her. Why, then, couldn’t she take what he offered? Seize that life with both hands? She wanted it desperately. And yet…she still hesitated. Why?
When they were together, close and secure in each other’s arms, the answer wasn’t apparent. The decision seemed clear and straightforward. They both wanted the same things. But whenever he was away, the doubts creeped in again. Becausethis wasn’t real. She wasn’t enough, wasn’t cut out for that life. And at some point, he would recognize it.
He may not realize it yet, but he was in love with the spy. The intrepid Alice. Fearless, adventurous, capable. But she wasn’t any of that outside of spying. Once they attempted to build that fantasy life he was offering, her deficiencies would soon become apparent. He had forgotten how it had been the last time they had tried to play at Lord and Lady of the Manor. Or maybe he had mastered his role and believed she could do the same. Yes, that was more likely. He looked more confident, more at ease with his title and his responsibilities than he had been five years ago.
That wasn’t surprising. After all, he had been born for the role. Even if he hadn’t been the heir at the time, aristocracy was bred into his blood. Not so with her. She didn’t belong. She would asphyxiate like a fish out of water.
She studied him, wary. “But this is what I am, Nathaniel. If I’m not an agent of the Crown, then I don’t know who or what I am.”
“I do,” he said, voice raw with conviction. He reached and touched her hand, fingers brushing lightly. “I know the real Alice. The woman who sits with me by the fire and listens to me read a story, who knits in her downtime, and then donates her pieces to orphanages, who tends to the widow’s babies with such tenderness it breaks me to watch. That woman could live as Lady Greystone. She could be happy.”
Her eyes burned. “Perhaps. But this—this life is what gives me purpose. Without it, I’m nothing.”
“You’re wrong,” he growled.
“Then let me be wrong.” She pulled her hand away. She could not allow herself to be swayed by the hurt burning in his eyes. She was doing him a kindness, even if he couldn’t see it now. “If you want us to continue to be together, we can. When you’re intown, we can see each other. But I can’t be Lady Greystone. I am not fit for it.”
The silence cracked between them before his fury poured out. He surged to his feet, buttoning his trousers, dragging on his shirt with sharp, jerking movements. “Casual encounters? That’s all you offer me?” His voice rose, hard as steel. “I’m offering you a real marriage. A partnership. A life together. And you counter with stolen hours and a warm bed when it suits you?” He yanked his coat from the floor. “You think you can fuck me senseless and send me on my way? Think again. I’m not your lover, Alice. I’m your husband. The only relationship I will have with you is a marriage—like we once had. I will not settle for less. It is all of me or nothing at all.”
Her lips trembled, but she held her chin high. “Then perhaps you should finish the divorce and be free to marry again. To someone more suitable than I.”
His eyes flared, wounded fury darkening them. He jammed his arms into his sleeves, his movements like blows. She sat on the sofa where moments before they had become one, her arms wrapped around her middle as if to hold herself together. Silent tears coursed down her cheeks, and she wiped them ruthlessly. But more kept overflowing from her eyes.
At the threshold, he turned, his expression savage with hurt. “This discussion is not over. You’re exhausted, not thinking clearly, and I’ll make allowances for that. But I’m not finished with you, Alice. Not this time.”
The door slammed with a thunderous crack that echoed through the house, leaving silence in its wake. Silence—and her muffled sobs, breaking into the emptiness around her.
CHAPTER 26
