He swallowed the rest of the sentence in a consuming kiss. “It feels better. Every time with you feels better than the last. Your body is a marvel. It’s my home. I could die happily buried between your legs.”
“No talk of dying today, please. I want you to live. Live happily between my legs, and in my heart.”
And then there were no more words for a while, because their bodies were communicating in a much more satisfying way, in a much more ancient language. Straining, sliding, pushing, and pulling. Drawing ecstasy from each other, until she felt him go rigid. A moment later his hands lifted her from him, his member sliding out heavily to spend outside her body. She knew he had done it to protect her. They were not trying to make a baby anymore. This lovemaking was just for its own sake. For the pleasure they found in their bodies.
She loved him even more for it. For his consideration and the presence of mind he displayed, even in the midst of such a maelstrom of desire.
In the aftermath, he rested his forehead against hers.
“Hannah, marry me, please.”
The words were like a dousing of cold water, jarring her from the warm afterglow of pleasure.
CHAPTER 43
“HAVE YOU GONE MAD?I can’t marry you now,” she said as she scrambled from his lap and frantically attempted to rearrange her clothing.
“Why not?” It came out as a growl.
“It would cause a scandal.”
“The scandal will pass.”
She looked away, but he had seen the torment, the fear in her eyes. “Tell me what’s really concerning you,” he asked more gently.
Hannah chewed her lip. “Blackwell is making allegations. During the funeral, he threatened me with a lawsuit. He said he had proof of my affair. That he would have Samuel declared a bastard.” Her voice broke on the last word. “Our marriage could cause the disinheritance of my child.”
“That damned blackguard! How dare he threaten you at a moment like that? When I get my hands on him, he’s going to regret it. I wish I’d thrown him out of the chapel.”
“You couldn’t have done that. For all that he is a despicable man, he is Harold’s nephew.”
“Hannah, he’s bluffing. His threats of a lawsuit are worthless. Blackwell can say anything he wants, but Samuel was born within your marriage. The duke acknowledged him before he died and arranged for the entailment. There’s no court in Britain that would overthrow his right to the title. You must know that.”
“Be that as it may, our marriage, especially so soon after my husband’s death, would validate his accusations. And even if the courts won’t disinherit my child—”
“Our child!” he interrupted.
“Shush!” She looked around, panicked, then continued in an angry whisper. “You have no right to claim him. You agreed. And I won’t have him growing up under a cloud of scandal and speculation.”
“You think you are the only one concerned aboutourchild’s future and wellbeing? Yes, our child. I may not claim him in public, but I told you when it’s just the two of us, I won’t tolerate pretenses. And one day, when he’s old enough to understand it, I’ll tell him the truth.”
“We cannot dishonor Harold’s memory with a hasty wedding.”
“I honored him. It’s the reason I didn’t touch you again while he was alive.” He advanced on her until he backed her against the wall of the drawing room. “None of what we did was honorable. The duke wasn’t concerned about that. He didn’t give a fig about his memory. He only cared about an heir. But he also wanted our happiness. He asked me to marry you after he was gone.”
“Gabriel, be reasonable. I’m not saying no. I’m saying not yet. Let’s keep the proper period of mourning. Wait until the rumors dispel. Until the possibility of scandal doesn’t hang above us.”
“Is love bound by convenience, then? Bestowed only when it is deemed proper, when it is opportune? Nobody has ever loved me enough to break with convention, to risk scandal, to chance everything for me. I don’t want to wait a whole year to be with you. I don’t want to miss a year of my son’s life.”
“You could visit discreetly, as you have been doing,” she rushed on.
He laughed harshly. “You want me to sneak in to see my child? To spend time with you in the shadows? Keep our relationship a dirty secret? I’ve been a dirty secret my whole life. Everyone who should have loved me rejected me out of hate, fear, or shame. I’ve never belonged to any family. I want my child to know me. To call me papa. I want you to call me husband and to be proud of it. I want you to love me more than you fear scandal. More than anything. Because, Duchess, that is how I love you.”
“I...” She stopped, twisting her hands in her lap with agitation. But it was the lost look in her eyes that destroyed what was left of his hope.
She didn’t love him enough.
Maybe she never would. He understood. It hurt like a knife ripping his heart open, but he understood. They had shared pleasure. Maybe she hoped they still would continue as secret lovers. After all, why would she change her life, her position, and her fortune for a lesser title and fortune? She was free now. She had her estate and her baby. What more did she need from him now? Nothing.
