“Not a chance,” he told her, and she saw the steely determination in his eyes. It reminded her so much of Gabriel that a sudden burst of emotion made her chin tremble.
Oh, God. How she wanted to have Gabriel here. All throughout this pregnancy, she had missed him, but never so much as now. He couldn’t visit, of course. That would be unthinkable. How would they explain that to the servants, or the doctor?
She turned away so Harold wouldn’t see her cry. But a soft hand on her head told her he had seen her upset. And had probably guessed the cause. It only made her cry harder.
By the next morning, she was no further along in her labor. At the crack of dawn, and much to the horror of everyone but the midwife, she decided she needed to take a walk.
“It is the way with some women,” the midwife had reassured the duke. “I’ll be with the duchess the entire time.”
With an ominous look that promised retribution if any harm came to her or the baby, the duke allowed the midwife to take her for a walk. They had intended to walk along the gallery, but she yearned for the outdoors, so she convinced the midwife that she was capable of taking a turn in the garden.
The fresh morning air and the walk made her marginally more comfortable. She sat on one of the garden benches whenever a strong pain made it impossible for her to walk. But otherwise, she walked until she saw the worried figure of the duke laboriously descend the stairs towards the garden, helped by one footman. He approached her, and she saw his haggard face.
“I think it’s time to go back inside, dear. I worry about you out here.”
She acquiesced for Harold’s sake. It was obvious the sleepless night, coupled with the stress, were taking as much a toll on him as they did on her. So she trudged back inside, yearning for Gabriel with every step.
CHAPTER 39
“GABRIEL? I SAY, MAN, have you listened to a word I’ve uttered?” Colin said.
Gabriel shook his head and tried to focus. They were ensconced in his study, sharing a drink and having a chat. Or at least Colin was. His friend had come to visit unexpectedly, and as glad as he was for the company, his mind was not up to the task of upholding a conversation. Hannah was due to have the baby any day now, and that occupied his entire mind.
His restlessness had intensified since yesterday. Something was up. He could sense it. He almost got on a train and visited Stanhope Abbey but refrained. Surely, they would let him know when she went into labor? They may not welcome him dropping by unannounced. Hannah was anxious about the scandal, and the last thing he wanted was to cause her more concern at this delicate time.
“Forgive me, old boy. I’m not very good company today. Got a lot on my mind. You were saying?”
Colin made a dismissive gesture. “Forget about that. It’s not important. What’s troubling you?”
Did he dare tell him? Even though their lives had taken them in different directions for many years, and they had only just reconnected, their friendship had been forged in hardship during their time at Eton, and Gabriel knew Colin was a solid chap. Trustworthy.
Colin had proven he trusted Gabriel by coming to him for advice a few months ago, when his marriage was falling apart.He liked to think he had helped his friend back then. Now Colin and his wife were beaming with joy as they eagerly anticipated the arrival of their baby.
The similarities and differences in their situations struck him right in the heart all at once. They were both about to be fathers. But Colin was enjoying his wife’s pregnancy. He was by her side. He would be able to see his child born, hold it in his arms, claim it as his. Whereas he...
“Do you remember when I told you the woman I love was expecting my child, but she’s married and I can’t claim it as mine?” Apparently, he had decided to confide in Colin, because the words burst out of him as if ripped from his aching chest.
His friend nodded, a slight frown of concern appearing between his brows.
“The baby is due to be born any day now. But I have received no news. I don’t know how she is faring, how is the baby, even if it was born yet! I might be a father already, and I don’t know. Not knowing is killing me.”
“Are you able to inquire?” Colin shook his head. “Forgive me for prying, but I remember you attended a house party at the Duke of Stanhope’s estate a few months ago, and I’ve heard some nasty rumors... Do you have anything to do with that?”
Fuck. Colin had pieced the story together. If he did, was there a chance some others might as well? He had promised Hannah he would protect her and the baby from scandal. For a moment, panic seized him. What if he failed? What if everyone found out... No. Unlikely. Colin could figure it out because he had said too much. That day, fueled by misery and alcohol, he had been indiscreet. But never again.
“I hope you realize that is strictly confidential,” he replied, meeting his friend’s gaze straight on. “You must not speak of this to anyone.”
“I’m offended that you even think you need to tell me that.”
Gabriel exhaled. “I’m sorry. It’s just...It’s not just me. There are more lives involved.”
“I understand. Actually, no, I don’t. How did you get involved in a relationship with the duchess? And how about the duke? Does he know?”
“He knows. This whole mess was his idea to begin with. He needs an heir.”
Colin’s frown deepened. It was obvious he was struggling to understand the context. Which was difficult to do when one didn’t have all the details. Even then, it was outrageous enough to scandalize most people.
“Then maybe you could write to him? Would he allow you to meet your child once it’s born?”
