She was even more beautiful than he remembered. A woman in her prime. But also, she had something she’d never had before. Something like inner peace, happiness even shone from her.
“Would you like to sit?” she asked nervously. Maybe she wasn’t so at peace after all.
“No, thank you. I prefer to stand.”
She nodded, swallowed.
He waited.
“I... I’m sorry, William.”
“Sorry for what, exactly? For running away? For letting me think you were dead for seven years? For what, precisely, are you sorry?” His voice rang with fury. He couldn’t help it.
“For everything. For marrying you, for my inability to make you happy, for the failure of our marriage. And yes... also for letting you think I was dead.”
His fist slammed down on a console table, making the figurines atop it rattle and Eloise jump. “And do you think saying you’re sorry fixes anything? Do you think it erases all the pain and guilt I suffered? I mourned you! I have not known peace these past seven years. Why?”
Such a small word. Such a big question.
Eloise sat, wringing her hands. She looked fragile, deflated. “It is difficult to explain.” Her voice was thin, her head bowed.
“Try. By God, I deserve an explanation.” Her obvious pain lanced some of his anger, leaving only sorrow behind.
“Yes, I know. I just don’t know if I can explain, just as I wasn’t able to make you happy.” She looked up at him then, a plea in her eyes. “I will try, for you. Just... please understand, this is very difficult for me. So difficult that I ran away rather than face it. But I can’t run anymore, can I?”
“What were you running away from, Ellie?” Despite his chaotic emotions, it seemed the most natural thing in the world to call her by the pet name he had given her as a child. “I’d think it was from me. But you don’t seem afraid of me now. What or who were you running away from? Was somebody threatening you? You can tell me. You could have trusted me back then. I would have protected you.”
She gave a bitter little laugh. “Ah, Will. Why do you have to be so damn good? It makes my guilt so much worse. You couldn’t have protected me because the person I was running away from was myself. What I am.”
“What you are? I don’t understand.”
She looked down at her twisting hands again. “I am not normal, Will. I don’t feel the way a woman should.” She made an impatient gesture with her hands. “This is so difficult to explain. Especially to you.”
She stood and paced in agitation. “Ever since I was a young woman, I suspected I was different. All the other girls were always falling in love and tittering about one gentleman or another. They would blush and simper and get all nervous and excited when the gentleman who caught their fancy addressed them or asked them to dance. I, in contrast, felt no attraction toward any man.
“At first I was glad I felt that way, since I was already promised to you, and it would have been inappropriate for me to develop feelings for another man. I thought myself virtuous. I was even proud, thinking myself above such girlish folly. But It was just that I had not met the right person. By the time I realized my true feelings, it was too late. I was already married to you. You must believe me, I didn’t know. I never would have married you if I had known my nature.”
“So it is true! You fell in love with someone else. You had a lover. Who is he? Where is he?” He looked around as if expecting his rival, his wife’s lover, to saunter into the room at any moment.
“Not he, but she. The person I am in love with is Ninette.”
