The hours of worry he had endured while she had been away had weakened his defenses. He had thought she had left for good, and as irrational as he now realized that thought was, he couldn’t shake it. He wanted to hold her, possess her, bind her to him so that she never left. She was becoming an obsession he could hardly afford, for the price would be his soul.
Slowly, by infinitesimal degrees, he forced his muscles to relax and release her.
She stumbled a little, but caught herself. She didn’t seem distressed. Just a little dazed.
“Are you all right?” he asked warily.
“Yes, of course. Just a little unsteady.” Her hand came up to touch her lips. “That was quite a kiss.”
There was no insincere adulation in her tone. Nor condemnation. It was just a statement of fact said with the innocent wonder of someone who had discovered a treasure. This pleasure was no treasure, though. It was a drug that delivered short term enjoyment at the cost of long-term pain.
“It shouldn’t have happened,” he said. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry. Now you know why I was keeping my distance.”
“Because you desire me?”
He nodded.
She walked closer to him until the hem of her dress covered his shoes. “Well, I think it is obvious I desire you, too. Why must we fight it, then?” Her tone contained both bravado and shyness.
He forced a smile, moved away from her to the other side of the desk, and stared at her. “You tempt me, almost more than I can endure. The only thing restraining me from giving in is the reminder that giving in to desires can be destructive. You are in a very vulnerable position, and I don’t want to take advantage. You don’t know what you are asking for.”
“Don’t I? Of all the condescending...” Temper flared in her eyes before she averted her gaze. Her color was high, her fists clenched. From rage, passion, embarrassment? All of it, he would guess.
She took a deep breath. “As you wish. We will avoid entanglements. But aren’t we adults? Can’t we control ourselves enough to at least interact? Or are you going to continue avoiding me?”
“I’m sorry Olivia. I’ll try to do better. I must be very careful.”
“Fine then. In that case, I want to go to London.”
“London? Why?” And why such a sudden change in subject?
“Well, for one, there will be more distractions. I am getting bored here all by myself in the countryside. And it’ll be worse if you don’t want me to go off exploring by myself. Second, we haven’t found out anything about what brought me here. Maybe we can find answers in London. And last, well. I’ve been thinking. I hope I can find out what happened and go back home, but if I don’t, or if it takes longer than expected, I can’t continue to live here as your dependent, relying on your charity. Luckily, I am an architect, a career that is as relevant in this century as it is in mine. I was hoping you could recommend me to some architectural firm. Help me find a position. It would be difficult on my own, but if you—”
“Olivia, you don’t need to work. I can provide for you far better than you could ever manage on your own working as an architect.”
“No doubt, Dale. And trust me, I do appreciate your hospitality and generosity. I don’t know what I would do if it wasn’t for you. But I’ve worked my whole adult life and have been financially independent. I don’t feel comfortable letting another person support me.”
Every fiber of his being rejected the idea of her working to support herself. He wanted to keep her under his wing and protect her. But he had to take her feelings into consideration.
“Let me think about this, Olivia. Today has been an eventful day, and I don’t feel like I can make a decision about anything right now. We will talk about this tomorrow.”
She nodded and then turned and left, leaving him seething in confused frustration and yearning.
What was he going to do about her? He pulled his hands through his hair, no doubt making a bigger mess of locks she had already tousled. The memory sent a shiver through him.
He couldn’t keep avoiding her. She had already said she was unhappy about that, and to be honest, so was he. It was torture to know she existed so near and yet to deprive himself of her company.
But if he continued spending time with her, he would give in to his desires and importune her. Look at what had happened just now. Granted, she hadn’t seemed repelled by his lust, but that kiss was a mere prelude to all the things he wanted to do to her, with her. If she knew the extent of it, she might recoil. And that would not solve the dilemma of her independence.
The other option was to do as she asked and secure her a job at an architectural firm. He could set her up in her own place. That would get her off his hands. He had excellent connections with an architectural firm he had contracted for several jobs in the past. The owner was a brilliant architect and a decent, open-minded fellow who might actually accept the idea of hiring a female architect, especially one recommended by him.
The architect was also young, good looking, and unmarried. One look at Olivia, and he’d be smitten. How could he not? And Olivia was bound to like him, too. They’d have shared interests, and with the proximity of working together, something would develop between the two.
The idea was like acid in his stomach. He couldn’t do it. It was a selfish, unworthy sentiment, but he couldn’t help it. He could not give her up. He would not throw her into another man’s arms.
No way in hell.
What to do? An idea floated up from the deepest recesses of his mind. So absurd that at first he scoffed at it. But once conceived, it wouldn’t go away. It presented itself with the persistence of a dog that awaits in the corner for his master to acknowledge it.
