He had so far behaved like a beast and embarrassed himself in the process. She could not have failed to notice his rampant erection when he helped her dismount. Had she been alarmed by his involuntary reaction? After all, she had scrambled to get away from him. She had reasons to be wary.
She was alone, lost, and frightened. And here he was, displaying inappropriate passions. Did she worry he planned to take advantage of the situation? Good god, what if she thought that in order to secure his help and protection she was obligated to satisfy his lust? The idea repulsed him at a visceral level.
She was not a courtesan, nor was she in a position to fend for herself if she wanted to rebuff his advances. She needed him. That made her indebted to him, and vulnerable. The mere idea of her bargaining her favors was so revolting that he knew he could never even attempt to seduce her. He must squash his inclinations and act contrary to his desires.
What to do about her? Or, more precisely, what to do about the way he felt about her? It was ridiculous, of course, to feel such intense emotions when he had just met her and could not even begin to understand her.
He was trying to understand the pull she had over him. Her beauty? Yes, she was beautiful. His loins tightened just thinking about her, but he had met lots of beautiful women in his life and never felt more than a passing attraction.
Was it her situation, because she came from a different time and place, which made her so alien and exotic? Or that she was alone in this world and in need of help and bound to him by circumstances? Or was it her valiant temperament, a mix of bravado and fragility, which proved his undoing?
Maybe it was all of that, and something more undefinable, but no less real. When he had briefly kissed her lips, that lightest of contacts had seared his soul. She had leaned in, and for a moment, the kiss was on the brink of careening out of control. Thank goodness he had mastered control, had become so adept at hiding his emotions. He didn’t think she had suspected how much that kiss had affected him.
He now realized it had been a grave mistake, that kiss, but at the moment he had not been thinking about propriety. She had been distressed, and he had been able to feel her emotions. All her fear, her loneliness and despair, had found an echo inside him, and he had wanted to comfort her, to banish the cold desolation which was so familiar to him. To kiss her had been the most natural thing in the world. Almost necessary. But the emotions unleashed had been totally unexpected... and somewhat unwelcome.
Well, no. Not unwelcome, he couldn’t even bring himself to wish he felt different. But these emotions were wrong. All wrong. The wrong person at the wrong time. Literally. Impossible. And yet, despite the conflict, or perhaps because of it, he felt more alive than he had felt in years.
But this was dangerous. He knew the treacherous nature of these emotions. He knew about their potential to cause devastation. What good could come from an attachment between them? She did not belong in his world, and whatever force had brought her here could take her away any day, leaving him in a worse situation than he had been before.
There was also the possibility that she didn’t feel the same way about him. She had said she was not married, but perhaps someone held her affections. Impossible to think that such an attractive woman would not have men flocking to her.
But right now, she was under his protection; he was her only friend and ally. If he showed interest in her, would she accept him out of fear he would remove his help? And what if she then found his attentions unpalatable? It had been made very clear to him in an indelible form that his inclinations were repugnant to any decent lady. The thought of inflicting himself on an unwilling woman, or of being endured out of obligation and necessity, made the bile rise in his throat.
The only solution remained to leash his desires and to treat her with courtesy and respect. He was going to have to create some distance between them and limit the amount of time they spent together. He must avoid touching, embracing, or physical contact of any kind. Certainly no more riding together.
That brief excursion tonight had been exquisite torture. Having her sitting between his legs, his arms around her, her back pressed to his front... he grew hard again just thinking about it. He had to avoid these kinds of thoughts. As it was, it would be excruciating to be around her and not touch her. But he had learned self discipline in the hardest way. He would control himself if it killed him.
***
HIDDEN IN THE FOREST, two pairs of displeased eyes observed the house.
“Well, that’s a complication. Mission is compromised,” said the female.
The male snorted. “An understatement. It needs to be dealt with.”
She rolled her eyes. “I know that.”
“Should we take the car and disappear it?” He insisted.
“For what purpose? They know what is going on. And they have already concealed it.”
“It worries me. The woman... She doesn't belong here. We do not know the consequences. We need to cover our tracks. Need to eliminate possible consequences.''
“Yes, Dariux. I know that too.” She kept her eyes on the house.
“Kalli, look at me. How? Should we just take her and be done with it?”
“No! It’s too soon.”
“When?”
“We’ll know when the time comes. Now let’s just observe and be ready to intervene if needed.”
“If you say so,” Dariux replied, still unconvinced. Kalli was too soft, but he was determined to do whatever it took to keep this mission on track.
