CHAPTER 63 - No Tomorrows
SHAME AND NEED CLASHEDinside him, creating an explosion of feeling he was unable to control. He fell on her, kissing her mouth with desperation, seeking absolution and solace while he buried himself in her. She was so hot, so wet. He started pumping furiously, frantically. He wanted to forget, to lose himself in her.
The shreds of his consciousness sounded an alarm. He shouldn’t be doing this. He had tied her without permission. Was this ravishment? Or was she agreeing to this? Her body seemed to be. Her mouth devoured his while her hips undulated to meet his thrusts. He untied her hands, and her arms immediately wrapped around his torso, holding him close. Ah, yes. She accepted him. His lovely, warm, welcoming Livvy, who had always accepted him as he was.
Her acceptance calmed him somewhat, taking the edge off his frantic need. He slowed the tempo, while keeping his thrusts long and firm, the way he knew she liked it. He observed her face, her beautiful, dear face, for signs she was reaching her climax. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes scrunched closed. She arched her back, throwing back her head from side to side in an agony of ecstasy. He had never seen a more erotic sight. With a groan torn deep from his chest, he let go and emptied his seed deep within her. The most bittersweet sense of homecoming enveloped him.
With a superhuman effort, he slid from her sweet body and collapsed on his side. Reaching down, he untied her legs and gathered her in his arms. She burrowed into his chest and went quiet and still. A few moments passed, and he heard her inhale desperately, then her whole body shook with sobs. His arms tightened, and he murmured apologies against her hair.
“No,” she sobbed, “I... I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cr-cry.”
She kept trying to talk but could barely drag enough breath in between the most heart wrenching sobs he had ever heard. To say his heart was breaking seemed like a gross understatement. Each labored breath she took was like a whiplash tearing his heart to shreds.
He couldn’t talk either, so he held her and caressed her back as she convulsed with her cries. He felt like crying himself, like raging against fate. It was so unfair that they had found love together just to lose it again.
At length, he didn’t know if five minutes or an hour had passed, her sobs abated. Livvy tried to speak again.
“Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to do that.”
“Don’t apologize, Livvy. I wish I could take away your hurt.” He captured a stray tear with his thumb and kissed her forehead.
“But you shouldn’t have to. I don’t want to add to your burdens. I thought I was doing so well. Staying composed, stoic. But then... it must have been the intensity of what we just did. I broke down.”
“I am the one who should apologize to you. For acting like a brute. I caused you distress.”
“No! That’s exactly what I didn’t want you to think. You didn’t cause me distress, you...”
“But I tied you down without your consent. I brought up your impending departure. And then I took you like a barbarian while you were still tied and distressed. Please darling, forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive Dale. You didn’t distress me. Your lovemaking could never distress me because I... I adore it. You could take me anytime, anywhere, in any way, and I would be enthusiastic about it. The only thing that distresses me is the thought of not having it. Of not having you.”
“Ah, my love. And I reminded you of that.”
“I don’t need reminding. That thought is ever far from my mind. Or yours. We were just trying to be stoic. Suffering in secret to not overburden the other. And I caved in.” She smiled without humor. “British are so very famous for their stiff upper lip. I didn’t know what that meant until now.”
He snorted. “I have not been a very good example of stoicism. I have lost my temper more than once in the past few days. And behaved badly when I did.”
