Our bodies surge together as the love between us swells. When I sink inside her and she gasps my name, the overwhelming sense of rightness and belonging makes everything we’ve been through together seem worth it. All the pain, hurt, and darkness releasing for these blissful moments of peace as our broken selves begin to mend in each other’s arms.
When she comes around me and I follow her into the mind-altering pleasure that she offers like I’m not a nightmare, but something good and worthy of it, I can’t stop the tears from leaking from my eyes.
As we lay there in the afterglow, Ada kisses away my tears. We only have a few moments of silence before her automated alarm goes off, filling the room with a soft carol.
Ada beams at me, her sated smile and sex-mussed hair making her look like a goddess of pleasure. “I think this might be my best Christmas yet.”
I chuckle. “It’s definitely mine. But I wouldn’t make that call so soon, Princess. You haven’t even opened your presents.”
She shakes her head and nestles in against my chest, releasing a contented sigh. “I don’t need to. I already have all I could want for Christmas right here.”
EPILOGUE
The tingling starts the moment I open my eyes. Today's the day. Exactly one year from the day that I truly met Seth, we are boarding a plane home to Utah. Behind me, Seth’s arms wrap around me, letting me know that I'm not alone and that I'm safe.
“Computer, good morning.” I croak.
“Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. It’s December 20th and the high today will be 37 degrees.” Christmas music starts playing softly, and I wiggle my ass against Seth.
I smile when his customary groan sounds in my ear. He's not much of a morning person, so it's an almost daily occurrence. Another almost daily occurrence is his morning wood nestled between my ass cheeks. I would probably help him out with that, but now that I’ve remembered what today is, my breathing is already starting to pick up. His strong arms constrict around me, and he nuzzles the side of my head.
“You've got this today, Princess.We'vegot this.”
I take a minute and do one of the grounding exercises Amanda has taught me, naming five things I can see, four things I can touch, three things I can hear, two things I can smell, and one thing I can taste.
Seth’s grey arms, my gorgeous black bookshelves, the glow in the dark stars we put on the ceiling so they’d contrast with the dark green paint, Seth’s book on my nightstand, and his adorable bunny slippers on the floor.
I can touch his warm, smooth skin, the sheets, which are soft—if a little too warm—the silk of my bathrobe where it hangs on the back of the bathroom door, and my hair, a little mussed.
Next, I can hear our Christmas lofi music playing, the coffee maker as it percolates to life, and the wind as it shakes the last of the leaves outside.
I can smell the fresh scent of our sheets that I washed last night, and Seth’s warm balsam and cranberry.
Taste… well, it’s first thing in the morning, so the taste isn’t ideal. Still, that is easily fixed.
Now, I can breathe a little easier.
Seth has also learned some of the questions Amanda and I use to explore my false beliefs, so I know if things get really bad, we can talk it out.
"Alright, Princess, here we go. "
We dropped Henry at my friend Chrissy’s house last night, so I’m a little sad that I don’t hear Henry snoozing anywhere. He’s too big to come on the plane with us. The bonus is I have an in-person friend, and she’s only too happy to watch Henry. Chrissy and I met in a yarn store a few months ago, and it’s been really, really good for me—I think—to have a friend who I can do things with in person. It’s a little weird that she still thinks Seth is a human, but Fae knowing is enough for me.
This morning just isn't the same without Henry here, and even though I knew that would be the case, it still makes my heart pinch a little bit.
As I get ready, the changes around my house serve as reminders of me embracing my most authentic self and the life that we're buildingtogether. On the walls, there are pictures of the two of us together, but more importantly, art that Seth’s drawn—trying to describe the dream realm to me. My closet’s half filled with his clothes, and in the bathroom, his skincare sits next to mine. Dark, intricately patterned rugs have replaced the boring beige ones that used to litter my house like quicksand—just waiting to drag me down into mediocrity. Best of all, Henry’s fur doesn’t show up so bad now that we’ve gotten a bunch of black velvet slipcovers for the couch and chairs.
When I pad out into the living room, Seth is already making breakfast, which means I can take a minute on the couch to check in with my clients. I've already got a message from Fae, because even though she's an hour behind me time-wise, she has little kids.
F: Good morning! You've got this today! I'm so proud of you.
Another notification pops up from Chrissy.
C: Good morning from both of us! I've got the coziest snuggle buddy this morning.
She's included a picture of her and Henry on her bed; hedoeslook super cozy.
I shoot them both a good morning message while Seth hands me a cup of coffee. I know I'm probably not gonna have coffee for the next several days, so I've been drinking the “devil’s bean juice” every chance I can. He flops down on the couch next to me, holding out a plate of toast.
