“Why?”
“Because now I don’t want to talk.” He releases my face to squeeze my breast instead.
“Oh, I see.” My voice is breathy, and I can’t remember what we are meant to be talking about.
“As much as I want to stuff you full again, this is serious.”
I try not to whine when he picks me up and sets me back down on my chair alone, but I fail. “What do we need to talk about?”
“Ada.” He clears his throat.
There’s my name again. I sit up and pay better attention, lifting my pizza slice and staring at it like it will grant me the power to be so chill and cool. Maybe even put my puss on ice.
“Since I can’t go back… will you help me… find a job? I think I could stay at Tom’s place, but I want to keep seeing you?—”
I blink at him, the cheese dripping off of my slice onto my plate. A job? I mean, fine, I can try, but everything inside me recoils at him living at Tom’s. Notonly do Ineverwant to step foot in that house again, but thinking of him anywhere but here with me just feels… wrong.
Everything between us is so confusing, because I barely know him, but Ifeellike I know everything about him. Until, of course, I think about any detail outside of my dreams or what he’s done for me. Even though he says it’s not my fault, so much of what I’ve done has removed his choices. If he wantsto live at Tom’s, that’s what we’ll do. I might not be able to come over to visit, but it’s not as if I can go much of anywhere at all anyhow.
“Of course, if that’s what you want, but Seth… you don’t have to—I mean if you want—you could always stay here…” I know my face is beet red, but I feel like I’ve just launched myself into the air, an acrobat wondering if he’s going to swing the other half of the trapeze.
“Here? With you?” He smiles, lifting the pizza slice to his mouth. “I think I’d like that.”
I mirror him, the cat who got the cream. The pizza is still arguably too hot to eat, but even as the cheese sears the roof of my mouth, I moan. I know he used my favorite cookbook, the one where they scientifically test every recipe permutation, but I think it might be my most favorite thing I’ve ever eaten. It’s salty and tart, the bite of spicy pepperoni soothed by the creamy cheese. There is nowayhe did this with the ingredients in my kitchen, no way. The crust is chewy and garlicky, resisting my teeth perfectly.
When I look up, Seth is mirroring my reaction. His eyes close as he savors every bite. I can’t look away as his sharp teeth tear off another slice, a long string of cheese stretching down to land on his chest. I lean forward because I want nothing more than to lick it off.
Unfortunately for me, he swipes at it with one finger and pops it into his mouth.
“You know, we might have to get you some shirts, though… I don’t know if I can work in these conditions.”
“These conditions?” He cocks his head, looking so adorable that I worry my heart is about to burst.
“Yes, sometimes I need to focus, and I don’t know how I am supposed to do that with you thirst trapping all over the place…” I blush again, or maybe still? I feel like I’ve spent so much time blushing that I can hardly distinguish when it’s not happening. Perhaps I will just spend the next… however long in a permanent blush.
“Aha,” he says, winking at me. Okay, so the mask can move? I know he’s like literally my dream monster guy come to life, but for whatever reason, the mask moving with his face is what’s shocking to me.
“If we’re setting stipulations…” He reaches across the table to grab my hand. “I really think you should talk to a therapist.”
Like he’s got a homing device on all of my worries, he’s located the next concern. Not only do I have to deal with my own fears around therapy, the option feels as if it’s now entirely removed. I never came to a solution for it earlier, and I suppose he knows me too well, so now it’s time to deal with it. I growl in frustration, because I remember I am trapped all over again. “I can’t!”
“I know that therapist when you were a teenager was a creep, you dreamed about it enough, but we can find you one that is good! There are good therapists!”
“It’s notthat! How am I going to talk to a therapist about everything that happened? Oh, gee whiz, therapist-person, I was mugged, sure, but I was also kidnapped, but don’t worry, my nightmare boyfriend came to save meeeee!” I slap my pizza down on my plate and bury my head in my hands. It feels hopeless, but I also know I wouldn’t change knowing Seth for anything. Because now, I’m doing the math and deciding that even if Ican’ttalk to a therapist about any of this, Seth is worth it. There’s self-help videos on YouTube and articles and stuff. SurelyI can make it work on my own.
“Oh fuck, Princess, I’m sorry!” he says, rounding the table to scoop me up again. He sits in my chair, settling me in what is becoming my favorite place. He puts a finger under my chin to tilt my face up to his, tucking a stray hair behind my ear. “Ada, you aren’t the first person who knows about us. I’m sure we can find you a therapist you can telleverythingto. While we try to stay hidden, it happens. The internet has made it really hard to keep it entirely under wraps. If I remember right, I should get a sort offeelingif someone already knows. We can test it out.” He squeezes my hips. “If you wanted… you could probably tell someone you really trust. I don’t want you to feel alone in this.”
“Really?” I immediately know that I’m telling Fae. I’ve had trouble navigating the whole transition from friend to employee, and I worry that it means I’ve stopped being as good of a friend. She’s been exactly the same, however, so it’s time I returned the favor and trusted her.
“Really, really.” Seth presses his lips to mine, sipping from them gently, because we aren’t done with this conversation.
“Okay, I can do therapy.” I breathe out. It’s going to be scary, and it’s going to suck, but if this is what I need to do, for Seth, I can.
“Great. But, what I’m hearing is… that I’m your boyfriend?” He smiles and waggles his mask.
Now, the blush is too much, and I cover my face with my hands. “No, no! That’s not how that works! You have to ask me, I didn’t—I mean if you want but?—”
“No, I’m pretty sure you just staked your claim, Princess, and I am nothing if not your humble servant. Boyfriend it is.”
