I lean into his chest, the warmth of his skin pressing into my cheek though it's marked by the wetness I leak onto him. He carries me into my bedroom and reverently dries me off. He pulls back the covers and lays me down, gently tucking me into my sleep pod before climbing in behind me.
The only noises I'm making are sniffles, because I don't know how to talk about any of this.
I don't know how I'm supposed todealwith any of this.
But as Seth slips one arm under my head and the other around my waist, as he tucks his knees up behind mine and makes soft shushing sounds, it feels, for a second, like maybe I don't have to say anything.
Like maybe the world is crumbling around me, likeIam crumbling, but that maybe he's holding me together.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SIX
When Ada’s breathing finally evens out, an exhausted sleep claiming her, my turn to fall apart arrives. It’s easier to be strong when she needs me, but now that I’m alone with my thoughts I can’t stay still. I slip out of her bed gingerly so as to not disturb her rest, and when I lose the warmth and softness of her form against mine, my hands begin to tremble. My mind races as the reality of my situation fully sets in.
I’m in the human realm, and likely stuck here forever.
I say likely, because things have been a blur of activity and soothing Ada so I haven’t tested my theory. I’m afraid to try, but it has to be done to understand how dire my situation is.
Henry gives a lazy tail thump as I step out of Ada’s bedroom into the living room, his body trained toward the front door from his spot on his fluffy bed. I go over and bend down next to him, giving his greying muzzle a soft pat and a few scratches behind his ears that make his leg kick out. “Good boy,” I murmur. “If I’m able to leave, you’ll watch her while I’m gone, won’t you?”
Henry thumps his tail again, soulful dark eyes staring into my mask as if to say “uh, no shit, that’s my job.”
I chuckle, the sound shaking loose a fraction of the tightness in my chest and throat.
Alright, better get this over with.
Sighing, I give Henry another pat and rise, unable to keep from peeking back into Ada’s bedroom to make sure she’s still resting. Her gentle snoring lets me know she’s still asleep, and my chest squeezes as I watch her for a long moment.
Even with her face puffy from tears and a slight furrow still on her brow, she’s the loveliest being I’ve ever encountered. It’s difficult to pull myself away again, the ache inside me begging me to go back to her bed and hold her. To never let her go.
In her dreams, I was her captor, holding her against her will so I could enact all her darkest visions, but this urge to hold Ada tight and never let her out of my sight is different. It’s a bone-deep yearning to be in her presence. A terror that if I’m not, something horrible will happen to her again.
I still don’t even know if she wants me here now that the imminent danger is gone. I offered to stay and be by her side for as long as she wanted me, and she thanked me, but didn’t indicate any desire for that.
Why would she? I served my purpose. Protected her when she needed me. Satisfied her curiosity about what it’d be like to be fucked by her nightmare. Now that reality is crashing back in on her again, why would she want any reminder of what she’s been through?
I wouldn’t blame her at all for wanting me to leave.
Which is why I need to stop stalling and find out if that means I’ll go back home when she turns me away, or if I’ll need to figure out how the fuck to exist in this human realm on my own.
Stepping out into the biting air of the late afternoon, the sun dipping below the horizon casting a golden glow on everything it can reach, I attempt to still my mind. My eyes shut and I slow my breathing, hesitantly reaching inside mefor the tether that connects me to dreaming. It takes what feels like ages before I locate it, and when I do, another eternity for me to focus enough on it to attempt to tug myself across realms of existence.
Every molecule of my body fights it, my skin feeling like it’s being torn apart violently as I try to undo the weave of this solid, far too physical form. I grit my teeth against the pain, blood filling my mouth as my fangs cut into my lip, but I push harder.
The agony is blinding, but I can feel the dream realm just out of reach. If I tried a little more…
A wretched cry bursts from my lungs as I collapse to my knees in the snow from the pain. Fuck, it’s like there’s an anchor weighing me down, preventing me from making that final step.
Ada.
The moment I think of her, I lose my grip on the tether and am slammed back into my corporeal form. My breath punches out of my lungs and I sputter and gasp, eyes opening again to take in the vivid beauty of the mortal world I’m officially stuck in.
Well…shit.
A dark laugh bubbles out of me as my body sags, flopping over onto my back in the snow and staring up at the cloudless sky. Cold seeps into my limbs, moisture soaking into my clothing as the snow melts on contact with my body heat. My heart hammers in my chest, my stomach clenches with some unknown discomfort, and my lungs burn from the exertion of attempting to leave and the frigid air.
How is it possible tofeelso much? It’s absurd. It’s a miracle that mortals can survive this constant barrage of sensation, let alone have the capacity for anything else.
