“A good hurt?” He purses his mouth and cocks his head. “That’s a thing?”
“Yeah, like when your muscles are sore or you’re cold and warm up?” He doesn’t answer, just stares at me blankly. “Trust me, it’s a thing. Please put me in the water.”
I make sure not to make any noises that Seth could think were bad this time, even though there is a sting. Once I’m submerged I hum so that he knows I’m enjoying it. For a few moments, he stands there, just staring at me, until eventually he shifts his feet back and forth.
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
“Yes but…” Seth runs his hand through his hair and looks around. “I don’t know what to do…”
“What do you mean?”
“Normally… when I’m here, I’m sneaking around and trying to do stuff to make you happy. Obviously I don’t need to do that anymore.”
“What would you do if you were home?”
He shrugs. “Go see my friends? Time moves differently in the dream realm and things are less…tangible, so a lot of my time is spent in my head rather than doing something actively. But I supposed I liked visiting the gardens by the Well of Hopes, and soaking in the glow of the Dream Aurora. I used to enjoy cleaning and decorating my home, too, but lately not so much.”
I bite my lip, because… damn. Yeah, he has an entire life outside of me and here. A life that I have norealunderstanding of. All of those things are words in the English language, sure, but I have no idea what the Dream Aurora might be. I have no Well of Anything to point him to if he’d like to see its gardens… just semi-neglected raised beds currently covered in snow. No, he’s got a home—an entire life—to return to. It’s not like he can just stay indefinitely. Even if we are… dating? Together? Whatever this is… it’s not like he can leave everything… for me.
“Of course, well if you’d like to go do that, I’m all set here!” Without even realizing it, I’ve slipped into what I affectionately call my “fundie baby” voice. Soft and high pitched, it’s designed to be meek and approachable and I hate that I did it. Of course, I want Seth to do whatever he likes, he’s not trapped here with me, but apparently spending that time trapped at Tom’s has me regressing a bit more than I’d like. I don’t like having to be that girl and I certainly don’t want to be that way with Seth as we’re… whatever we’re doing.
“Yeah, uh, sure… of course.” He smiles, setting down my phone on the edge of the tub. “I’ll get out of here and let you bathe.”
“Okay!” I call after him, my voice brightso he doesn’t think I am about to lose it. My phone vibrates and when I check the notification, it’s from Fae.
F: Am I calling the Army National Guard or not??? PLEASE RESPOND
Actually, it’s alotof notifications from Fae. When I unlock it, it seems she’s been trying to get ahold of me since yesterday.
A: Sorry! I’m fine.
I hold my phone, staring at it, because she deserves more than that, but I havenoidea what to tell her.
F: Jesus, you scared me! I even gave you an extra day, and then I started freaking that I should have called them because you were probably dead in a ditch somewhere!
A: No ditches, I promise, it just… took a lot out of me to confront him.
I’m lying. I’m straight up lying to her but I don’t know what else to say. How can I even begin to explain?
F: Fair enough, people-ing is hard, dude.
A: Seriously. I’m drained. Talk tomorrow and I’ll debrief?
F: Deal. Get some rest! That’s a mom order!
A: Deal.
I have until tomorrow to figure out what I am going to tell her. I sink under the water, groaning and submerging my head.
The events of the past few days come rushing in, pounding against my mind and refusing to let me relax. I’m meant to be loosening up and calming down after everything that’s happened, but instead I’m assailed by the thoughts careening through me.
Because now that I’m safe? I can’t ignore the fact that Seth is real.
The nightmare-dream-man that I have been dreaming about… for my entire life… is real. We’ve shared so many dreams, so many experiences, together. We’ve battled monsters, traversed labyrinths, sailed the seas and flown among the stars. He’s worn so many faces and been so many people.
All for me.
Who is he, really though? Which of those faces are his… if any? Come to think of it,whois Seth? I don’t know him, not really. I know versions of what I’ve made him to be. Are any of these characters anything like who he actually is?
