Sleepwalking/Sleepy Ada
Carbon monoxide poisoning
Glitch in the matrix/delivery delay of the text
Actual stalker
Tom
Complete mental break
God himself is both real AND torturing me
After spending all day yesterday trapped in bed, I need to make sense of what is happening to me. Since my head was somewhat clear when I woke up to pee this morning, I forced myself out of bed and made a list of possible causes of my issues, but none of them seem to explain everything.Nothingexplains everything, so it has to be some weird combination of things, though which combination is anyone’s guess.
Now, I’m sitting at the table staring at the list I’ve written and willing it to present me with which is at fault. The real problem is, thesolutionto these causes is different.If I can’t figure out what is happening to me, how am I meant to fix it? Therapy is only going to solve things if the issue is some combination of my mental health deterioratingandweird tech issues that would delay my text message delivery.
Granted, the text message delay thing isn’tthatweird… half the time my mom calls it’s because I haven’t responded to a text that I haven’t received yet.
And of course my anxious brain wants to jump right to “stalker” but… things just don’t add up quite right. Mostly because the “stalker” in question knows a lot, likea lota lot, about me. Like my secret love for the goth aesthetic and dark romance. They aren’t things that I really talk to people about, except maybe Fae, but that’s only because we like the same books a lot of the time, and she knows which gorgeous goth girls I follow on social media.
I add: “Fae being my secret Santa” to the list. And then immediately cross it out because she certainly doesn’t have access to my online accounts. She wouldn’t be ordering things frommyaccounts.
Which, of course, leads me back to a mental health issue. A few days ago I was worried about losing time, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like I’m not.
Not remembering what is happening while you are literally sleeping isn’t losing time. That’s pretty frickin’ normal, last I checked.
Pushing return several times, I start a new list. An objective account of what is happening.
Wrapping paper
Book
Text messages from my old number nagging me about lights
Wake-up routine alterations
Boxes on myporch (attributed to the texter)
Next, I group them into two groups. Those possibly done by someone else, and those that could ONLY be done by me. After my identity was stolen last year, I’ve implemented alotof fail safes to my online accounts… so I move those items into “done by me” with the mental caveat that theycould, possibly, in a very strange stealth hacker situationbe done by someone else.
Done by me:
Wrapping paper
Book
Wake-up routine alterations
Done by someone else:
Text messages from my old number nagging me about lights
Boxes on my porch (attributed to the texter)
Looking at it that way, it does seem like the two things might be entirely unrelated. Like my college statistics professor used to say, “don’t mistake correlation for causation.”
Further, when I look at the list of “Done by me” stuff, it’s far less scary. In the grand scheme of things, it’s notthatweird to order yourself a little treat or two and forget about it, or download a new wake-up routine. Hell, my little corporate spy is always offering me new routines, it’s possible I just said “yes” to one she suggested when I wasn’t actually listening.
