‘I forgot how awful the smell of melting flesh was,’ I said yawning, wrapping my bare legs in a blanket. She placed her sword down as if what she was about to say needed the respect of her undivided attention.
‘What you did… it meant a lot to your people. For them to see you go to such lengths for them. You’ve inspired them. I don’t think before today any of them thought you truly cared about them beyond just your obligation. No one thought you would go to war for them.’
‘How can I ask anyone to go to war for me if I cannot do that for them? Of course, I care. I have always cared. I remember the name of every fallen soldier since the day I took over this fucking throne one year ago. 3,748. That’s how many I’ve lost.’ She looked at me, shocked, not quite believing what I was saying.
‘Then why? Why do you act so indifferent? Your vulnerability will inspire everyone,’ she pressed. I was surprised she even had to ask the question—that she couldn’t already tell.
If I show my people I am vulnerable, I show the enemy. This war between us and Morgad is not solely based on land; it is personal. The moment they learn what my people truly mean to me is the moment they realise how weak I can be. How to make me bend and fold. So, I need to be cold, removed, and steadfast. It is the only way to avoid revealing my hand and leaving my people exposed. But I also do it for myself. It’s not easy to be vulnerable when unravelling one tiny string can release a tidal wave of trauma that no one, especially myself, is ready to see yet. She stared at me, absorbing every word I said, and looked at me as if a fog had been lifted from her eyes, as if she were seeing me for the first time after all these years.
‘I thought some part of you did care; you had to, to take the throne. But I thought your people were just a means to an end to get your revenge. You wear the mask well,’ she said.
‘I know my reputation well, Viv. I was the one that created it even if there is some truth to it. But no matter what I do or say, everyone that lives within my borders are like my children, mine to protect. Even you. If that means building walls no one can climb through then so be it,’ I said, rising from the chair dismissing her.
Eight
We were only a few hours away from the Academy. Visarous hadn’t spoken a word to me since last night, but at the moment, I preferred it that way. Cain joined us halfway through the journey to confirm that Demir had received our message and had called off his childish attempt to murder me, knowing he would not have the upper hand and anticipating that we had rerouted. I, however, always had a point to fucking prove, so we maintained the same route we had initially planned. I couldn’t wait for the blatantfuck youthat move would send to Demir once he received the news that he could have taken me.
This was the crux of the difference between Morgad and Maureia: my people were stubborn and persistent. Even though Morgad had more money and more allies, we had managed to push them back for so long through sheer force of will and a hunger to get dirty while Morgad liked to pretend they were above us, better than us. During this ball, Demir would have more allies in the room with him. My only true allies came from the Wiccans and the Forest Fae—none of whom could attend this event as they were not former students. It would only be Viv and Visarous who joined me for the next few nights. Cain wouldkeep watch and report back to me from the border and the healing camps where Sienna remained. He could not set foot on its grounds, so I would have to meet him at the edge of the wards each morning for my updates. I wouldn’t risk carrier birds being flown in and out of the grounds where our messages could easily be intercepted.
As we arrived, the familiar scent of the mountain air and the cathedral inspired architecture sent a pang of nostalgia through me. Although my time here wasn’t easy, it was much simpler. The Academy was so large that some of the towers disappeared into the storm clouds brewing above. I could smell the rain that was to come, and I couldn’t help but smile. Although I hated the sound of thunder, I found comfort in the rain. It was one of the few times I could cry in front of people, and no one would be the wiser. It was also when I slept best, but I also found it hardest to leave the warm comfort of my bed to begin my torturously long days. We headed straight to the stables, where Vixen and the other horses would get a much-needed rest after hauling us through our lands to get here. Now that we were no longer students, we could bring weapons onto the grounds, but the wards still protected us from using them to kill another. We crossed the courtyard, which was lined with twisted, leafless trees and surrounded by bluestone archways leading to the main housing hall. The same rooms we had stayed in as students would now house us all as leaders. Every step contained another memory. When we reached the hallway that had housed us in our final year, I came to stand before the black wooden door that I had shared with Viv and another girl, Raleigh. She had died in a coup shortly after ascending to her throne. She had belonged to the lands of Voldina, which bordered us on the opposite side of Morgad. Cain and Viv surmised that she was taken out due to her connection to me. Her people did not want her to ally herself with me in the fight against Morgad, so they eliminated the problem. Our whispers and shadows uncovered King Sebastian of Morgad had promised unlimited wealth andpower to those that would take out Raleigh. Now her younger sister Jade ruled over Voldina, which had vast cityscapes intermingled with lush greenery. She was merely a puppet to those who had taken her sister from her, with the threat of her life and her people’s lives hanging over her head like a guillotine ready to drop at a moment’s notice. Over this last year all communication and trade between our lands were cut off.
Our bags were already in our rooms, and our belongings were tucked away in all the drawers and cupboards. Three black metal framed beds lined the far wall. Visarous would join us in this room, as he was one of my advisors. There was one window by my old bed on the far right. Next to it was a wardrobe that had been left open due to the sheer size of my gown for the upcoming ball. The other side of the room contained three small wooden writing desks, each with a quill, ink, and some parchment paper. The bedside tables were mini bookshelves filled with all our favourite books. They had known and stocked it accordingly. We used to shower in a communal shower, but now being leaders, they enchanted a cupboard to turn it into an expansive private bathing chamber.
The ball would begin at midnight tonight, leaving Visarous and Viv to their own devices I took the first shower to wash the dried blood that was still caked all over my body and embedded underneath my nails. Once I was done I entered the bedroom in nothing but a towel, Viv rolled her eyes as she had been used to this in our years sharing a room together. Visarous, however, just about choked on the air in his lungs. I don’t think he had envisioned me wearing next to nothing in front of him with his sister present. I threw on an oversized tunic and crawled into bed, letting the darkness overtake me. I didn’t dream about a single thing, as the exhaustion was too heavy on both my body and my mind.
By the time I awoke, Viv and Visarous were ready for the ball. Visarous wore a white suit with silver embellishments that complemented his white hair. Viv wore a deep purple asymmetricalgown that left her legs exposed. She claimed she needed to be ready for anything, so she never wore restrictive clothing, even if it was a ball. I had a similar viewpoint in almost every other setting. My people rarely saw me in lavish gowns as I lived in my fighting leathers, carrying as many blades as I could strap to my body at one time but tonight was about making an impact. Showing how far I have come and the significance of the weight of the crown, as well as the power I now hold.
The ball was due to start in less than an hour. I closed my eyes and envisaged my final look, my hair pulled back slightly from my face in long waves that reached my waist. My face glowed with black lined eyes that allowed my new flame-filled blue eyes to stand out. It took those around me some time to get used to my eyes after the eternal flame had changed them. No one else from the Academy had seen them, as I had ascended after I left these halls. It would be a surprise, and a thrill ran through me at the thought of seeing their confused and shocked faces. Next, I envisaged vibrant red lips that would match the satin blood-red gown I had chosen. The heavy black smoke seeped from my skin as it billowed around me. As it cleared, my hair and face were transformed into what I had pictured. I grabbed the wooden jewellery box from the top of the armoire that my sister had gifted me and pulled out the jewels that had been left to me by my mother and every ruler before her. I placed shining little gold phoenix pins throughout my hair and wrapped my wrists in gold chain bracelets. Gold cuffs wrapped around my upper arms.
I left my neck and chest bare to display the black mark that was visible thanks to the plunging neckline of my gown, which matched the plunging back and the high slit that ran up my thigh. The black mark was burned on our people’s chest in a ceremony that only a few ever had the privilege of partaking in. The Skin Seepers had a spiritual tradition of marking our kills on our bodies to never take for granted the lives we had taken. We would etch each kill on our backs in the smallest of marks afterevery battle. Once there was no more room because you had killed far too many to count, you were bestowed the black mark. It was a perfect circle with a sword driven right through the top of it, black rivulets of blood dripping from the tip of the blade.
My fingers were adorned with gold rings that contained garnets, sapphires and emeralds. I took out my mother’s earrings; they were her favourites and now also mine. Hooped earrings in the shape of a snake looped around my ear, with its head turned into that of a dragon biting into my ear—it almost looked like a blend of my crest and Morgad’s snake.
‘Viv, can you help me put them in?’ I asked. She smiled like it was old times, us getting ready in this room together not more than a year ago.
‘They’re beautiful… my Queen.’ She chuckled at just how much had changed so quickly. In the corner of my eye, I noticed Visarous trail his fingers along the skirt of my gown that hung in the cupboard. He looked to me and gave me a crooked grin. He couldn’t wait to see me in it.
‘Bring that here,’ I said, facing him properly once Viv had finished putting in my earrings, not breaking eye contact.
‘As you wish, my Queen.’ He stepped before me gown in hand, his eyes trailed each part of my body for a moment longer than was necessary, taking in my bare legs and the oversized shirt that just barely covered enough of my hips and my chest that was behind the thinnest of fabrics. I raised my shirt over my head, careful to avoid my hair and all of its pins then stepped into the gown he was holding open for me. He pulled it up and over my body, his fingers brushing against my bare skin as he circled to my back. At this point, Viv stepped away, registering that she was now part of something she no longer wished to witness. She closed the door of the room behind her a little too loudly in a show of frustration, but Visarous and I didn’t break away from each other.
He pulled the strings on the corset backing grabbing my waist to keep me steady. His fingers pressed into my side,lingering there before he started to tie off the ribbons. I stood there, staring at myself in the mirror. The gown looked like lava pooling at my feet. It hugged me in all the right places and made me look both intimidating and ethereal. Visarous picked up my black leather and gold embellished longsword sheath, which I reserved for special occasions, and placed it over my head, buckling it along my back. He slid my long sword through as I felt the coldness of the blade graze the nape of my neck. The hair on my skin stood on end; we were on the sensual edge of something dangerous. He knew he couldn’t win with words alone, so he tried to tempt me—tempt my body.
‘Crown,’ I said, breaking the tense and hypnotic silence as we both gazed at me through the mirror. He smirked and moved to the base of my jewellery box, unlatching the bottom compartment. Inside it was a golden crown of spires arranged in ascending order of height, with a blue stone at the center that matched the one in my sword and the flame that raged within my eyes. It looked as though the center stone was made of liquid blue fire. Visarous held it delicately in his white gloved hands, then stood behind me and placed it atop my head, his fingers trailing down my scalp to the base of my neck. He leaned over my shoulder, holding my gaze in the mirror, and placed a light kiss on my cheek.
‘You are breathtaking, my Queen. Looking at you makes me want to shatter every last thread I have grasping onto my sanity and take you for my own, right here. Right now,’ he breathed into my ear, sending shudders up my spine. My body involuntarily leaned into his as he closed his arms around my waist and pulled me tighter against him, not caring for the sword that stopped him from moulding himself around me so completely. ‘Tell me you want me,’ he whispered. I bit into my lower lip trying to regain some composure.
‘I want your body, Visarous—onlyyour body,’ I said firmly, but seductively. I could see the pang of pain behind the thrill in his eyes.
‘I can work with that. I’ll give you every part of my body in any way you want it,’ he said so deeply that my thighs clenched with desire. I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to ravage this man or if I wanted him to ravage me in that moment.
‘Can you handle being used by me, Visarous? Can you handle me wanting your body but not your mind? Can you handle me never feeling for you what you feel for me?’ I asked.
He paused for a moment to truly consider my words before he responded. ‘No. But I want it anyway. I want you. So use me.’ At least he was honest.
I shook my head; I couldn’t do this to him. As I tried to push away, he turned me around, slammed my shoulders against the wall beside us and stepped right between my legs. I could feel him pressing against me, hard and unyielding. I felt my desire pool between my legs. I wanted to feel him plunge into me. I pressed myself against him as he let out a soft groan.
I loved the sound of a man moaning beneath me, the power and the control was exhilarating. I could have stopped him as I had last night but I was tired of denying myself simple pleasures. I gave everything to everyone all of the time and now it was my turn to take what I wanted. He rubbed his length against me, up and down over and over again until I dripped my arousal down my thigh. I grabbed his hand and I pulled it through the slit in my dress and trailed his fingers up my thigh until he felt what he had done to my body. His eyes were aflame as he flared his nostrils—a beast in heat and my body the prey.
