Nikella sighed again, her breath clouding in the cool air. “We share some of the same scars. I thought it might ease your mind to know you’re not alone. To understand that what happened to you was their fault, not yours. Something I wish someone would’ve told me all those years ago.”
My eyes burned, and I bit my lip, staring hard at my clenched knees. “I know it’s not. Or at least, that I’m supposed to know it’s not my fault. But sometimes it doesn’t stop me thinking, if only I’d been more obedient or more loyal...”Father might not have used Korvin to punish me. Or Renwell might have actually cared for me the way he’d seemed to.
Nikella squeezed my shoulder. “Desiring love is not a weakness. Knowing you deserve love and recognizing it when you see it—thatis strength.”
Her words hung in the air like the smoke from the village. It was so strange to be sitting with a Teacher—Renwell and Korvin’ssister—in the shadow of Arduen’s Mountain after a bloody battle and having this conversation.
But it felt like exactly what I needed, more than any rest or medicine. Sharp, painful longing sang through my blood.
“Teach me,” I said harshly. I licked my lips and tried to soften my voice. “Please. Teach me how to be strong. How to fight.” Davka’s dead stare needled my mind. “How to protect others better. Teach me how to win.”
Nikella studied me in the shifting light. Her dark eyes were unfathomable. And for a moment, it was two years ago, and I’d just found out my mother had been killed and I was demanding that Renwell teach me to be him. To make sure no one ever harmed my family again.
Now I was here. Asking to be his sister’s student. Becoming reluctant allies with my mother’s killer. All to take Renwell down. To make sure I never fell beneath his boot again.
I was as desperate now as I had been back then. The guilt and humiliation still burned in my gut. But I wasn’t as ignorant. I knew what needed to be done.
“I will train your mind, heart, and body,” Nikella said. “Alignment of the three will give you the strength you seek.”
I wasn’t sure what that meant, or why she said it like a warning, but I didn’t care. This was what I needed.
I nodded.
She quirked an eyebrow. “Does that mean you plan to stay with us for the foreseeable future?”
“Yes.” I gently touched my stiff cheek. “I refuse to let Renwell bait me. The next time I see him, it will be on my own terms.”
Nikella stood, offering me her hand. “Then I suggest you get some rest. The clash of swords and fists is only the first half of a battle.”
I grabbed her hand and rose, my bones creaking and my muscles aching. She gathered her supplies, and we walked back through the village of embers.
Most of the injured now rested in large tents that huddled on the outskirts of the village. Warriors stood on watch at the perimeter, red-eyed but alert. They nodded at us as we passed through their ranks.
Someone called out for Nikella, and she followed the voice.
I picked my way through the camp, not seeing Maz or his sisters. Perhaps they stayed with Davka. My body sagged with exhaustion and grief. Gods, I hoped sleep offered some respite.
I didn’t realize what I was searching for until I saw his tall form lying out on a bedroll, his arms folded under his black hair and his gaze wandering the starry sky. A thick bandage encircled his thigh.
My chest tightened.You were never really my enemy, were you, Aiden Falcryn. But why can’t I forgive you?
His green eyes flicked to me and held, as if he’d finally found what he’d been looking for.
My chest prickled with heat.
We’d saved each other’s lives on the battlefield, but these quiet moments felt the most dangerous.
I’d put distance between us after he hugged me because it was too much. My feelings had been too sharp and painful, like burrs coating my heart. Any more pressure and they would’ve clawed deeper.
But I was too tired to avoid what I needed in this moment. Like warriors bedding down between the living and the dead when the fight grew too exhausting.
I grabbed a blanket from a pile and laid it out next to his.
Chapter 17
Aiden
Kiera lookedat me with a question in her tired eyes.
