I shook my head.
“He used to say, ‘one man’s weakness is another man’s power.’ He told me that every time I cried when he kicked me and whipped me with his belt. Because I feared him, he had power over me.” Renwell suddenly broke off and sat back in his seat, his expression as placid as glass. “So I took his advice. I stopped being afraid. I dragged him to the river he so feared and drowned him while repeating those very words.”
Disgust crawled through my veins. Disgust for such a horrible man, but also for the son he turned into the monster before me.
“Are we the same?” Renwell asked softly. “Would you have wanted to kill your father if I hadn’t gotten there first?”
I shook my head. I’d hated Father, but to actually kill him? I didn’t know if I could’ve forced his heart to stop beating.
“Come now, admit it.” Renwell’s smile was venomous. “You tried to kill me, after all. The night Aiden killed your mother, I found that wild, raw hatred and helplessness inside of you and knew exactly how to sculpt it.”
I shook my head again, even though he hadn’t asked a question.
“Shall I tell you more about myself? Perhaps you’ll find another weakness. Or another way we are alike.” He took the crown off his head and studied it in the firelight. The bits of sunstone embedded in the gold flickered with their dead stars.
“As a miner’s son, I would never be more than a miner. The same as every boy and girl in the village of Calimber who toiled for someone else’s gain and accepted their scraps. But I was cleverer than all of them, including my siblings, and twice as ambitious. I refused to waste that on the life I was born into.”
His eyes refocused on me when I said nothing. “That’s why I partnered with your father when I left Calimber behind. Weylin already had the connections I needed and the bone-deep desire to get us there. I simply had to play on his considerable weaknesses to ensure our victory.”
“Just like you used Mother’s death to cut me away from the rest of my life,” I rasped.
“You chose that. If anything, you used me.”
I barked a humorless laugh. “As a mentor. Not a weapon.”
“We both had to play our parts.” Renwell placed the crown back on his head. “I grew tired of pretending I wasn’t stronger and smarter. I grew weary of constantly herding lesser minds, of not justtakingwhat I wanted.” His gaze gleamed with an almost feverish look as it slid over me. “Aren’t you tired of pretending, Kiera? Pretending you don’t wantmore?”
I licked my dry lips. His eyes snapped to the motion like a snake’s.
“I do want more,” I said.But not from you.“I want peace. I want freedom. I don’t want to be held captive in a role that carves away pieces of who I am to make me fit. Freedom meansIwill carve my place in the world to fit exactly whoIam.”
My voice cracked, and I looked away, staring into the fire. I hadn’t meant to speak such truth, to let a sliver of my soul escape through my words. Fucking Four, I hadn’t even realized that was what I wanted so badly.
Renwell leaned forward, drawing my attention back to his hard eyes. “Then I will hand you the knife, Kiera. All I ask is one simple promise.”
I hesitated, letting my gaze wander over his furrowed face as if I were thinking it over. Renwell didn’t seem to breathe. The Death and Four tiles lay abandoned between us.
He wants me to trust him. For some unfathomable reason, he wants me at his side. Willingly. Whether that’s because he truly cares or not, I can use it against him the way he did to me.
“Give me one night alone,” I said. “Show meyou can honor your word, and I will swear an oath to you the next day.”
Triumph flared in Renwell’s eyes. “Done.”
Chapter 60
Kiera
I waitedin agony for four days.
I desperately wanted to claim my night of freedom immediately, but Everett and Delysia agreed with my first instinct—to wait. The timing had to be just right.
Melaena needed time to find the two soldiers and set up a disguise. Aiden and Henry needed time to get here. And I needed to give the guards as little time as possible to find the flaw in their gate.
But it also meant giving Renwell time to change his mind.
I avoided him as much as possible for this reason, pacing my room and then Delysia’s, until she threatened to tie me to a chair.
I visited Everett in the library, where he showed me sketches of the city walls and battlements, ensuring I’d know my way around. He’d make an excellent Teacher, someday.
