Nerves bundled in my stomach. “No. He just said to wear it.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll walk you through it.”
Maz explained what would happen, and my apprehension grew.
“Is this more serious than just a declaration of love, Maz?” I asked cautiously.
He hesitated. “It can be. But anyone can give anyone a scarf. I gave one to Yarina. A mother might give one to her daughter. Deeply bonded friends can. Lovers who might want to be more.”
“More?” I squeaked.
“Not always,” he said quickly. “But some lovers use it to promise themselves to each other before a wedding.”
“Like abetrothal?”
Maz looked slightly panicked now. “Again, not always. Fucking Four, I’m making a mess of this. It’s not a betrothal, Kiera. Unless you both want it to be.”
I tried to breathe steadily through my nose. Aiden had said nothing of a betrothal. The scarf was merely a symbol of the love we’d already professed.
“If it was, would that be so bad?” Maz asked, his blue eyes tender.
“I don’t know,” I murmured. “He’s not just a man. He’s a king.”
Maz nodded. “That life frightens you still.”
My heart warmed to have a friend who understood. “Yes.”
Maz took my hand in his. “Just remember, lovely. You haven’t experienced that life with him yet. The one you knew is gone.”
I gave him a bleak look. “I still have one left to destroy.”
“Then think about it afterward.”
Too late. I likely wouldn’t stop thinking about it.
At that moment, Yarina and Bruna burst into the lodge, out of breath. “Time to get ready!” Yarina sang, dragging me away from Maz. “Don’t move until we come back,” she ordered her brother.
A few hours later, I huddled in the snowy woods with a group of men and women. Night had fallen, and a large crowd had gathered around the unlit bonfire.
My scalp ached from the brutal brushing and braiding Yarina had subjected me to, but I had to admit the results were beautiful. My hair glowed and fell in a soft, wavy blanket down my back. Red and orange ribbons cascaded from the woven crown on my head.
She’d also given me a dark blue blouse with long, flowing sleeves and a black skirt. I hadn’t worn a skirt since the last time I’d danced. The thick material kept my legs warm as we waited.
Yarina hurried to each of us and pressed a single fireseed into our palms. “Your scarf, Kiera,” she hissed at me.
I dug my lovely scarf out of my pocket and knotted it around my waist with trembling fingers. Gods, I couldn’t believe I was doing this. Yarina and Bruna had practiced the dance with me.We’d laughed and twirled, and I realized how much I missed Melaena and Delysia.
I would see them again soon.
“All right, it’s time,” Yarina barked. “Follow me.”
We trailed after her, each of us wearing an outfit of the same colors and displaying our scarves.
We snuck through the woods until we stood closer to the crowd. They had backed away from the wood piled in the center of their circle, leaving a narrow walkway.
Half-naked men and women formed a ring around the pyre.
Yarina had told me that, traditionally, the givers started the dance barefoot and bare-skinned as the god Arduen once had.
