Loris puts down the pencils and grabs his beer.
Charles sighs, clapping faintly on his bottle. ‘Your disbelief in Pavel’s backstory is entirely subjective.’
‘No, it’s common sense. TheLandsscream joy and hope, there’s no way they were built on hurt and despair. The only part of the bookthat’s real is his forbidden passion with Matthew Burton, the rest is plain—’
‘You’re cherry-picking what’s believable? I call bullshit, Professor Loris.’
‘There’s a big difference when it comes to Matthew. Pavel doesn’ttellus about their relationship. He couldn’t, back then. It’s to be read between the lines whenever Matthew is mentioned. Plus, it’s been backed up by the letters published by Matthew’s descendants. You’ve read them too, right? So let’s point out that when Pavel wrote about his life and theLandsto Matthew, it was all sunshine and rainbows.’
‘Because Matthew was his safe, peaceful place. Pavel didn’t want to bring his demons into the room.’
Loris takes a black pencil with a shake of his head. ‘You’re making assumptions.’
‘What about his relatives who confirmed his depression and the fact that his father was an utter arsehole?’
‘Pavel might have… bought their support?’
‘Who’s making assumptions now?’
Charles raises an eyebrow, waiting for the next argument that won’t be one, but it doesn’t come.
Loris has disconnected from the conversation. His eyes are fixed and narrowed, his lips are pinched, his face is contracted.
Charles observes him, amazed by his concentration that verges on trance, and a little bit envious. If only he could dissociate because of surges of inspiration, and not just when he—
That’s what he said happened after he zoned out at the pub on Sunday. That’s when he alluded to writing fiction.
Feeling stiff all at once, Charles stops slouching, and the move catches Loris’ attention.
‘Sorry, I tend to do that when I draw. Where were we?’
‘Can I ask you a personal question?’
‘Shoot.’
‘When you had to quit rugby, it was a dark time for you, wasn’t it?’
‘You can say that.’
‘During your healing process through art, did you only come up with gloomy ideas mirroring your frame of mind? Or did you find comfort in distorting your feelings? In turning them into calming pieces where your pain had no room to prevail?’
Loris carries on drawing without reacting, until his lips stretch into an incriminating smile. ‘You make a good point.’
‘Always.’
‘But what I went through wasn’t as bad as what Pavel said he endured.’
‘Objection overruled. Pain is pain.’
‘Okay. Next one… It was a risky gamble to paint an utopian vision of a part of the world shaken with conflicts. And Pavel was after recognition, you can’t deny that, Professor Charles. So if he had this depressing background, and wanted to advertise it anyway, why not use it from the start? Safer to go withThe Lands of Sombreor—’
‘Because he had the courage not to go for safe. And he had the strength to forgive a world that had been ugly to him. To depict its beauty. To believe it’d get better. Pavel didn’t lie in the book, but he didn’t lie in his early optimistic speeches either. For all the shit he had to surmount, he believed. He didn’t give his troubled upbringing the power to crush him into a… a self-doubting shadow of himself. He didn’t— He was more than his ordeal… and…’
Charles stands and steps away to escape Loris’ disconcerted gaze.
‘That’s why you need Pavel’s past to be true? Because if he overcame it, then there’s hope for… anyone to overcome anything?’
‘I don’t need his past to be true. It just is. He was a complex person,and it’s wrong of you to deny it. If someone always seems in good spirits but one day shares something they’ve been struggling with all along, would you call them a liar?’
