‘Elsy holds grudges against people who think she’s young.’
‘But let’s be real, Loris. You didn’t truly believe I was underage. You just wanted to annoy me, because this gorgeous man suddenly had a gorgeous woman by his side.’
‘Sorry, Els, he’s not the kind of guy who tells you what you want to hear to—’
‘I totally wanted to annoy you.’
‘I knew it.’
‘You did?’
Charles looks at Loris who shrugs offhandedly.
‘You were donewith your writing, so I was about to subtly chat you up when she joined you and ruined my plans.’
‘You never told me that.’
‘You never asked.’
‘And I’m never wrong! Now, before we get into all the naughty thoughts you instantly had about each other, let’s be serious for a minute.’ Elsy takes her phone out. ‘It’s in my drafts, ready to be sent when we leave the restaurant. But are you sure, Chips?’
She shows them a message:‘Are you still up?’followed by three crying cats.
‘Six hundred percent sure.’
Loris frowns. ‘Crying cats?’
‘This emoji is our code for “I really need to sob on your shoulder”. Catriona can power through emotional support sessions in times of crisis—’
‘Her mother.’
‘—but she requests a heads-up. I’ll send three cats, because I got dumped by my future husband, it’s bad. But you realise she’ll text Alice the minute I leave her alone?’
‘It’s alright. Are you sticking with “he didn’t say but I think there’s someone else”?’
‘Yes, no specifics. Unless you’ve changed your mind?’
‘No. I’d rather not be outed to my mother by a late-night message from yours. But tell your trusted friends. About Loris. So they’ll be aware when the news starts rippling, as you requested.’
‘Already?’
‘I don’t think I can take the secrecy much longer. We haven’t made out today, this is torture. Look! My skin is very dry, my hair all flat, and I’m sure species are going extinct all over the planet because of it!’
Elsypresses her palm against her chest. ‘Straight from my over-the-top outburst playbook, I’m so proud. Thank you.’ She smiles at the waitress who’s just delivered her drink, then raises it between them. ‘Let’s toast! To the end of the greatest fake relationship the world ever saw. Or didn’t see, rather. And! To the best-looking new couple in town!’
‘You and Chris?’
‘Oi!’
Elsy slaps Charles’ arm again – an attack he uses as a pretext to nuzzle in the hollow of Loris’ neck.
It must have been past the Ledwells’ bedtime when Catriona texted Alice, because she only contacts Charles in the morning.
He’s crawling back under Loris’ duvet after a sluggish trip to the bathroom when his mother’s message appears on his phone screen.
06:42 ALICE L.What have you done, Charles? Come home tonight, we will talk and fix this.
The vision of Alice, all worked up and trying to hide it from Milton, is equally satisfying and irritating.
