‘Yes, but don’t let her remind you that you should be mad.’
‘You risked giving our game away. I’ll remind myself as soon as your sad puppy face is out of my sight. Go now! And get a room for whatever you have to do!’
Charles scurries down the pavement, trying to replace the explanation he attempted to give Elsy with the one he owes Loris. But Loris seemed averse to hearing one, which makes it complicated to think past a plea for his time. If Charles weren’t desperately sober, he would pop into the North Haven to drink the fatal glass of Macallan whisky that allowed him to morph into an uninhibited guy a few weeks back.
Once on the street that has become his second address, his pulse switches to third gear. Loris is approaching from the other end, holding a bag from the deli, his stern eyes fixed on him.
When they stop in front of each other by the green door, the noise around them reduces to a low humming.
‘Did you charm them to be served fast?’
‘Why are you here, Charles?’
‘Because you are. And you’re upset, I can’t have it. Also… Elsy agreed that talking to you was urgent. It’s a first indication that things aren’t as upsetting as you think.’
‘I’m overreacting? Sure, you just lied about being in a relationship. No biggie.’
‘I’m not! It’s all staged! It’s…’
Charles trails off when a passer-by glances at them. The world of Hampstead may be deadened at the moment, it can still hear him loud and clear.
‘Let’s go upstairs. Let me explain. Don’t Ledwell the situation into a horrific film with a frustrating ending. Please.’
Loris sighs and rubs his lips together for what feels like an eternity in purgatory, but he eventually turns away to unlock the door. ‘I got only one slice of quiche and I’m not gonna share it.’
‘I was hoping we could still join your friends for food later. If you’re not mad anymore...’
‘Very big “if” and, no, we can’t. I’ve messaged them. Phoebe thinks I’m bullshitting to spend my night off with you. Thanks for the trust.’
‘Trust…’
Patty’s comment echoes again between the creaks of the steps, but Charles tamps it back into the niche in his stomach. It would be inopportune to try to turn the tables now.
Loris disappears inside his flat, and Charles takes a moment to appreciate the chance he’s being given to make things right. Soon, his nerves might get the better of him, because he’s not sure how to do that.
After a couple of six-second inhalations, he walks in and finds the easel standing in the middle of the room. The drawing of the broken mirror in the ocean is on display, more remarkable than Charles could have ever imagined.
‘When did you complete it?!’
‘Ten minutes before I left to meet you.’
‘It’s incredible!’
‘Iknow.’ Loris tosses the deli bag and his jacket onto his desk. ‘Care to shed light on something that’s a scoop?’
‘Yes, sorry… I’m so sorry, you know? And yes… It’s… In summary, Elsy and I broke up years ago, but to make our lives easier, we never told anyone. And… to get that disclosure out of the way, we were still sleeping together on occasion. Before Christmas, that is! Since then, we haven’t.’
‘Because she was in America?’
‘No! You’re the reason why! In fact, we stopped long before she left, because I kept thinking of you when I kissed her. It was disturbing.’
‘Poor you.’ Loris rolls his eyes and sits on the edge of his bed. ‘I’m gonna get another disclosure out of the way. I couldn’t care less if you slept with all your exes. It’s not the problem.’
‘Ouch.’ Charles balls up his coat against his chest to maul the fabric and spare his cuticles.
‘Okay, that’s inaccurate. I would care a lot. Quiches aren’t the only things I don’t like sharing. But we haven’t set any rules so I would have no right to be a pain about it. The problem is that it never came up. You talked about Elsy many times, you had every opportunity to tell me the truth.’
‘But I could share another truth with you! The actual truth. I can count on one hand the people who know that I’m not dating Elsy anymore. I’m lying to my friends and I hate it. It’s like a fake skin that makes me want to scratch until I bleed. But with you, I didn’t have to wear it. And it’s so ridiculous, I was a bit ashamed of that situation. And then, when it became relevant, it didn’t cross my mind, because I never contemplated putting that skin back on. I didn’t contemplate the consequences of that decision either. Elsy was away so I swept that under the rug. Tomorrow, I was going to talk to her and explain why we’re over, and so… perhaps it would have remained useless to risk wearing you down with my heavy baggage.’
