‘I guess my father is just copy-pasting his own tough upbringing, minus the daily flogging. Because it did him good. He’s successful and respected. His marriage is solid. He has no friends and plenty of acquaintances, which is social heaven to him. He’s never happy, but personal fulfilment isn’t a big Ledwell principle. So he must be convinced that being an uncompromising bully has many benefits.’
‘And your mother? She’s so miserable under his yoke that she—’
‘She’s not under his yoke. Not at all. She supports him because she agrees. Those two were a match made in hell. I’m not sure what her deal is… Her mother passed away when she was young. She always boasts about raising her sister. No one asked her to. Their father was around and they had nannies. No one forced her into the trophy-housewife way of life either. Again, she saw that as a duty she was content to carry out. I think she was just born an adult, with ice in her veins.’
‘Or her own mother did a number on her when she was a child and it took a toll.’
‘Or that, but that’s too close to an excuse, and I’m done trying to understand. She doesn’t deserve it. Now, do you have more questions about Milton and Alice or can we get to what Charles wants?’
Loris pulls him until he straddles his thighs. ‘Meaning?’
‘Your lips and fingers all over my body.’
‘Granted.’
Their kiss sends Charles’ mind spinning in a second. It drowns the noxious emotions he considered fuelling his desire with earlier and convinces him never to let that happen.
His want should only ever be powered by a sense of belonging he had longed for his entire life and by the way Loris’ touch makes him shake out of his skin.
TWENTY-THREE
Charles is greeted back at the firm two days later by a Clifford very concerned about his health. This caring attitude from his boss gives Charles enough motivation to dive back into work, but his mind is made up. The clock on the wall isn’t ticking him closer to business school anymore.
He splits his free time between Loris and George, snug in the unencumbered comfort they bring him, each in their own specific way.
On Sunday, the visit of acquaintances compels him to go home, so George sends him a list of random words to insert in conversations. Charles receives bewildered looks when he slobbers over polska dance or mentions snub-nosed monkeys, but his parents leave it at that, because he’s entertaining their guests. And this game busies his mind away from the catty remarks piling up on his tongue.
Charles is proud of the way he’s handled himself since his breakdown between Loris’ arms.
However, a week and a half later, this new confidence is nowhere to be found.
‘What’s the matter?’ George grabs his arm to stop him in front of the long-closed deli on the street corner. ‘You said you didn’t mind.’
‘I don’t…’
‘So why is your stress making my hair stand on end?’
‘I’m not as comfortable as I thought I’d be.’
In truth, Charles didn’t think he would be anything, because he didn’t think twice before agreeing to George tagging along to the North Haven.
They spent the evening with Alex, who had gathered friends and relatives to share his decision to drop out of medical school. Charles was spellbound by his relief and excitement. Not too long ago, he would have begrudged such energy. Tonight, he could relate and picture himself telling his innermost circle that he’s about to oppose his parents’ wishes.
Emboldened by the prospect, he was mentally writing his speech when George asked, ‘Can I come with you for a quick drink?’ Charles approved without considering the consequences of this request but, halfway through the walk, it dawned on him that George and Loris are about to meet.
For the first time in weeks, he truly misses his pen.
George nudges him. ‘I won’t embarrass you.’
‘Nothing you have on me could top my drunk performance in his flat.’
‘What’s the problem, then?’
‘I need you two to get along.’
‘Why wouldn’t we?’
‘I don’t know.’ Charles sighs, staring at the pub. ‘But as long as you don’t meet, I don’t have to worry about it.’
