“You don’t have any siblings, right?” I asked, shifting the focus back to her. Guilt seeped in for continuing to prod into her personal life without really sharing much of mine.
“Just me and Gran,” she said matter-of-factly. I wanted more. I wanted to know about her dynamic. She’d mentioned a few times that her grandmother was her only family, but never why.
She eyed me, and as if reading my mind, said, “You’re curious about my parents.”
“I didn’t say that,” I said quickly.
“You didn’t have to.” She sat up straighter, tucking her legs underneath her. “It’s alright, everyone is always curious. My mom was a bit of an alcoholic—I think, at least. I practically had to drag details out of Gran. She ended up getting pregnant with me a few months before she turned thirty, with noidea who the father was. She was still living with my grandma at the time. Gran had always been there for her, tried to support her, but when I came around, things changed. At least, that’s what she always told me. Suddenly there was a new baby in her life, and she couldn’t make as many excuses for her daughter anymore. They had no money, and once I came along, there was even less. My grandma was determined to break the cycle. She wanted better for me. I guess my mom liked partying more than the idea of being a parent. She left me with Gran when I was just a baby.”
“We don’t have to talk about this,” I said, feeling awful I’d even asked. I had no idea Hazel had been through all that. Her story made me want to tuck her into my side and keep her safe.
“No, it’s okay.” A ghost of a smile haunted her face. “It’s nice to talk about her. Maybe not so much the other stuff, but it’s been weeks since someone has asked me anything about Gran.”
I felt a little stab in my chest then. The pain was all over her face. She wasn’t just dealing with losing a pet or being extorted. She was dealing with the loss of the most important person in her life.
“So your mom was never in the picture?” I asked hesitantly.
“No. She died when I was only three. I don’t really know all the details. Something with a car accident. Gran never wanted to talk about it. We never talked about her much at all.”
“Shit, Hazel. I had no idea.” I sat up, eyes locked on hers. “I can’t even imagine.”
Even though she was looking at me, she had a far-off look in her eyes and I wished I could reach out and hold her.
“It’s strange…sometimes I wonder if I remember my mother at all. I have this hazy memory of her coming by one time and taking me to get a donut. I think it was winter. I was all bundled up and excited because we never got treats like that. But at this point, it’s hard to remember if it’s real or if it’s just something Gran had mentioned to me once.”
“That must be hard. To never know your mom.” This time I did reach out and squeeze her arm. I had to do something. I felt like a heel for not having anything insightful to say about the situation, but I had nothing to offer her. No wise words. I’d grown up in a stable household, overflowing with love. Any words of empathy out of me would sound fake.
“It was harder when I was younger. Gran always did her best to make it feel like we were a complete family, but the stigma stuck to me. People would whisper about it at school. I was the girl being raised by my grandma, as if that was something to be ashamed of.”
We sat in silence for a minute, the movie playing forgotten in the background.
“Your grandma sounds like an amazing woman,” I finally said.
She smiled. “Oh, she was. She was kind of a tough woman, but she had a good heart. She’d spend all Friday night out at a poker game, then knit me a sweater the next morning.”
“A true woman of the world.”
She laughed melodically. “Exactly.”
“Are you…are you okay?” I asked. What a stupid question. Of course she wasn’t okay. I wanted to hit myself.
Her eyes narrowed as she looked from the TV back to me. “With how I grew up, or…?”
“Without your grandma,” I clarified. “When you mentioned she passed, I hadn’t realized how close you two were.”
She nodded, eyes glassy. “I’m doing better now. She’d been sick for a while, so theoretically I should have been preparing myself for it. She smoked and drank my entire life. She was never the picture of health. But she was still so vibrant. The day before it happened, I was at her place having lunch. We had plans for that weekend…” Her voice trailed off, causing my chest to squeeze tightly. Fuck, I wanted to hug her.
“Preparing for something hard usually doesn’t make it hurt less when it happens,” I said.
Hazel gave me a small smile. “The part that was the hardest was just how mundane it all was. A few sympathetic frowns from the nurses, and then it was straight to filling out some paperwork. People get old, they pass away. Once you reach a certain age, no one even asks why. It’s just life. But for me, it was like losing everything.
“Anyway, that’s why Vermont is so important to me. Obviously I love him, and I’d want him back regardless, but he was really her baby. She got him from the rescue a few years ago and he was her companion. By her side right until the end.” She nearly choked on the last word, that far-off look back in her eyes. “Which is why I need him back, under any circumstances. Ideally, not by paying for him, though. That money might not seem like a lot to you?—”
“It’s a lot of money,” I said gently. I did okay for myself now, but I grew up securely lower-middle class. My parents stretched each paycheck as best as they could. I understood what money could mean for someone.
“It is. I’m…” she bit her lip. “I’m not in a great place right now. I have so much credit card debt, and?—”
That snapped me out of my trance. “Hazel,” I scolded. “How could you let yourself rack up credit card debt? That’s the biggest scam there is.”
