Chapter Sixteen
CARTER
I’m such a dick. I did some dickish things when I was young, but nothing this bad.
Continuing to push Ashley away this morning after the kiss we shared last night makes me the lowest of the low. But it was the right thing to do.
I set aside my laptop. I’ve been trying to get some work done at the desk in my bedroom for more than an hour now, but my thoughts keep returning to Ashley.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I scroll through the text chain from my family to reread them. I woke up to it this morning. Apparently while I was having an amazing time with Ashley last night, they had nothing better to do than to pester me.
Mom: Carter, you haven’t let us know if anyone else will be joining us over Christmas. Is it safe to assume it’s going to stay that way?
Dad: Thought he already told us it would only be him.
Brynn: When is it EVER just him?
Tre: LOL. How many different women have we met over the years?
Brynn: I can remember at least five, but I think I have to be forgetting someone.
Tre: Mom, want me to learn Photoshop so I can erase them from our holiday pics? ;)
Mom: You two leave your brother alone.
I put the phone down, not bothering to read the rest of the texts. It’s just more of the same. They’re riding me about how I’ve never had a woman spend Christmas with us more than once.
They’re busting my balls like we do in my family. Hell, I’m usually the ringleader, but the timing of it stings because last night, I was imagining inviting Ashley to spend the holidays with my family. How right it would feel to have her there, and how much it would hurt to leave her behind after the wedding, not knowing when I’d see her again.
When I woke up this morning, I was excited to see Ashley, to find out what might come of the two of us. Every minute I spend with her, the connection seems to grow. But seeing my family’s messages made me question everything I thought I was feeling.
Is my family right? Is this destined to be another fling or relationship that doesn’t go anywhere? I brought Faith last Christmas and look how that ended. Would I be doing the same with Ashley?
All those doubts, not wanting to ruin this thing with Ashley anymore, made me step back this morning and really considerwhat I’m doing, even though everything in me was ready to jump in with both feet before reading those messages.
She’s Steph’s sister. I can’t fuck this up a second time. Then I’ll be off the list for all Steph and Doug’s events for good. If I never see them, never get to be the uncle to their kids, our relationship would slowly die, and I couldn’t even blame Steph.
With a huff, I drag my laptop over and try to get back to work. But within ten minutes, I give up, my mind back on Ashley.
Closing my eyes, I lean back in my chair, replaying last night in my mind. How much fun we had together, how we laughed effortlessly with each other—even before we’d drunk too much of the spiked eggnog. I remember how much the people in town seem to like and respect Ashley and how everyone who leaves a conversation with her seems to step a little lighter. I can’t help but think of our kiss and the way she tasted, how it felt to have her body pressed against mine.
Mainly, I can’t help but think about how I’ve never felt like this about anyone before and so quickly. Sure, I’ve had relationships, but if I’m honest, the women were always more invested than I was. Most often, I could take or leave them, and I never thought long term.
But with Ashley, it’sallI think about. When I lay down in bed last night, I kept picturing that vision I’d had of her in a wedding dress. It probably should have scared the shit out of me, but it somehow felt right. Inevitable. Which is crazy.
Then when I came back with a snarky, shitty reply this morning, the look of disappointment on her face was almost my undoing. I was the one who caused it. Again. As though I’d let her down and become the guy she thought I was.
“No. This is not how this is going to go. Not this time,” I mutter.
I pick my phone up and text Ashley.
Where are you?
I heard her leave earlier. I’m assuming she must’ve called someone to pick her up and take her to her truck because I heard a vehicle in the driveway, then the door to the house opened and closed, and she hasn’t returned. She’s probably going on errands or doing wedding stuff down on Main Street.
I don’t bother waiting for her reply, knowing it’ll take me a bit to walk there. I grab my coat, hat, and gloves, slip on my boots, and head out.
The sky is overcast, and snowflakes are cascading to the ground slowly since there’s no wind. It’s not enough to accumulate—not that I’d mind getting snowed in with Ashley if it means I can make this right.
