I know I probably shouldn’t even be talking to him right now — it’s only going to end with me getting hurt — but I really want to know.
“Honestly, I think she was relieved. She didn’t want to try to make it work any more than I did. And we shouldn’t have to, you know? All that bullshit people talk about making relationships work, even when it’s hard. It shouldn’t be like that. Relationships shouldn’t be hard. But ours was, and that’s why I’m glad it ended. Maybe nothowit ended, obviously, but still.”
He gives a wry smile, which I can’t bring myself to return. It’s not that I don’t believe him, because I can’t think of any reason why he’d lie. We’re going home tomorrow. He’s never going to see me again, so why would he go to the trouble of seeking me out and telling me yet again that he’s single if he doesn’t actually mean it? There’s no reason. But, all the same, that very fact — the ‘going home tomorrow’ bit, not the ‘single’ thing — makes me feel like it doesn’t really matter, anyway.
“Summer?”
Alex is watching me warily.
“Look, I know this is alot,” he says, running his hands through his hair again. “But can you please say something? Anything at all?”
“I don’t know what to say,” I admit, turning away from him and trying to focus on the reflection of the palm trees in the still water of the floodlit pool instead. “I’m glad you told your ex it was definitely over before you kissed me for a second time? Is that what you want me to say? Sorry, I’ve never really been in this kind of situation before; you’re going to have to forgive me for being at a bit of a loss for words.”
Alex frowns.
“I told her it was definitely over before I even came out here,” he says. “I wouldn’t have kissed you the first time if that hadn’t been clear,let alone the second. Trust me, her turning up here was as much of a surprise to me as it must’ve been for you.”
“Oh, I doubt that,” I say ruefully, remembering the way I’d waltzed into his room to find her sitting there. “I really, really doubt that.”
Alex sighs again.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I really am. I wish she hadn’t turned up. I wish I’d never met her, in fact. Then when I metyouat the airport last week, there would only have been Jamie Whatshisface standing in my way, rather than all of this mess.”
“You hated me when you met me,” I point out. “And on the plane. And at dinner that first night. And —”
“I’ve never hated you, Summer,” he interrupts, frowning. “Not even close. You must know that by now, though?”
“Maybe not hate, exactly,” I admit. “That’s too strong a word. But you thought I was ridiculous and annoying. You thought—”
“I thought you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen,” he says. “But from the moment I met you, you were banging on about how you were flying here to meet the love of your life, so it was obvious you weren’t going to be interested in me. Especially not once you found out this was supposed to be my honeymoon.”
A lump rises in my throat.
“But itwassupposed to be your honeymoon,” I say hoarsely. “It’s all socomplicated. You just got out of a serious relationship. And you live in Brighton.”
“True,” he says. “It’s definitely not the best time to start a new relationship, I’ll give you that. That’s why I’ve been trying so hard to convince myself I wasn’t falling for you. But I was. And I wouldn’t blame you if you just wanted to run away from me, like … well, like you just did. But I’d run after you, Summer. In the least creepy way possible, I mean. Because I get that we’ve only known each other fora week, and there are so many reasons to just let that be it for us, but I just… I don’t want to. I don’t want to leave here tomorrow and never see you again. I don’t want to never get to hear you sing that song about the scarf somewhere other than in the shower. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life knowing you’re out there, and not knowing what you’re doing, or how you are, or whether you managed to change your life or not.”
He stops suddenly, as if he’s worried that he’s said too much.
“Sorry,” he mutters, staring at the ground. “I guess what I mean is that I know it’s messy and complicated, and there’s a lot of stuff we need to talk about first, but can we at least do that? Because I’m not ready to say goodbye to you. I know how crazy that sounds.”
“It does sound crazy,” I agree. “We barely know each other. And we don’t live particularly close, either.”
“No,” he says solemnly. “We don’t. But we can get to know each other. That’s all I’m asking. That we get to know each other. The rest is just detail. We can figure it out. But only if we can put Rebecca, and Jamie, and… Fairy Godfolk… and all the rest of it behind us, and start again. So… what do you say? Can we?”
He looks down at me with so much hope that it melts my heart. “I don’t think we can put the Fairy Godfolk behind us,” I say seriously. “They’d never forgive us.”
“And the rest?”
I smile up at him.
“If this week has taught me one thing,” I tell him, “It’s that you can always start again. And if it’s taught me two things,” I add, “It’s that you shouldn’t trust your 13-year-old self to know what it is you’re supposed to do with your life. Or who you’re going to end up with.”
Alex chuckles.
“You know, I did lie to you about one thing,” he says, suddenly serious. My entire body goes tense with dread, but he smiles and takes a step towards me.
“Remember that night I saw the shooting star from the balcony?” he says softly. “Well, I did make a wish on it. I wished I could kiss you. ”
