It was going to be my night. It was going to change my life.
But we got into the gym hall, which is where the prom was being held (I didn’t really like the idea of my life changing in a school gym hall, obviously, but what can you do?) and I couldn’t find Jamie anywhere. Chloe and I split up so we could try to find him, but I looked everywhere, and eventually she came running up to me, all pale and stressed looking. She was like, “Come on, Summer, we have to go,” and then I realized everyone around us was looking at me and whispering, and I was like, “What is it? What’s going on?”
Then Arianna Morgan came over and she was all, “Oh my God, did you hear? Jamie Reynolds just got caught with some skank in the equipment cupboard!” She was acting like she was just telling us out of interest or something, but she had this stupid smirk on her face, and it was totally obvious that she knew how much I liked him, and she just wanted to gloat.
Everyone knew how much I liked him.
Everyone except him, apparently.
And he never will, either, because now I know the truth: he isn’t into me. I mean, obviously not, right? So I just turned and ran out of the place … I didn’t sing my song. I didn’t get up on stage and finally get to show everyone what I’m made of, because it turns out that what I’m made of isn’t all that impressive, really, or I’d have been the one in the equipment cupboard with Jamie Reynolds, wouldn’t I? And I knew if I’d got up on that stage, everyone would’ve just laughed at me, like Arianna Morgan did, so I just kept running, and eventually Chloe caught up with me, and, honestly, she was brilliant. I don’t know what I’d have done without her. She said all these things about how I should just try to forget about Jamie; how he’s just a pathetic loser who doesn’t deserve me, anyway. Sheeven said I can borrow that new dress she got last week, even though she had to save up for it for ages. She said it was the least she could do. Then she said I shouldn’t give Jamie another thought, because he’s not worth it, and I can do better than him. I pretended to believe her, but it’s like… what if I can’t? What if Jamie was IT? What if my life never gets better than this?
What IF, though?
Twenty-Six
“The thing is,” says Chloe, “Objectively speaking, Alex is much more your type, really. Don’t you think?”
It’s the next morning, and although she’s still looking a little green from her sickness bug, she’s persuaded me to have breakfast with her at The Rowdy Squirrel rather than the hotel restaurant. I left a note on Alex’s door earlier, letting him know our shared table’s all his this morning, but I’m still weirdly disappointed not to be seeing him, and Chloe isn’t doing much to make me feel better about it with her insistence on dissecting last night’s breaking news about Alex and his non-marriage.
“Not really,” I reply, anxiously scanning the bar area for any sign of Jamie, who doesn’t seem to have arrived yet. “And what do you mean, ‘my type’? I don’thavea ‘type’.”
“Oh, you do,” says Chloe, prodding her plate of bacon and eggs without enthusiasm. “You go for complicated, emotionally unavailable men. You always have. And Alex fits the bill exactly. It’s like he was made for you.”
“Jamie isn’t complicated and emotionally unavailable,” I point out, even though I know she’s completely nailed ‘my type’. “He’s like a Labrador puppy.”
“He wasn’t like that when he was a teenager,” replies Chloe. “All that sitting about listening to music no one else had ever heard of. God, you were unbearable, the pair of you.”
She pokes her tongue out to show me she’s joking.
“Now that he’s made it clear he’s available, though, that’s when you decide you don’t actually want him any more,” she goes on. “And when Alex reveals that he almost got married last week, suddenly he’s the man of your dreams. You only want what you can’t have. As soon as you think it might be within your grasp, you panic and run away. It’s the Summer Brookes story. And it’s time you changed the ending, don’t you think?”
“That’s not true,” I protest, crumbling a piece of toast between my fingers. “It’s just not.”
“Of course it is,” Chloe replies briskly. “I think you do it because it’s safer that way for you. Either that or you’re just a bit mad, really.”
“It’s not mad to want to protect yourself from disappointment,” I say, stung by this. “I just don’t want to get hurt, that’s all. That’s totally normal.”
“If you say so.”
Chloe glances at her watch and frowns.
“I’m going to have to get back to the hotel soon,” she says, pushing her plate aside. “I’ve got a massage booked in the spa. Which I’m actually kind of regretting now, because I really wanted to have one last go at getting you and Jamie together before we go home. Whereishe?”
“I don’twantto get together with Jamie now, though,” I tell her, for what feels like the 100th time since we got here. “Itoldyou that.”
“You’ve just got cold feet,” she says firmly. “Oh, look, there he is.”
I look around just in time to see Jamie walk through the door of the bar and head for the door marked ‘staff only’. The sight of him gives me the same feeling I used to get at school when I was about to sit an exam I hadn’t prepared for.
“Jamie!” yells Chloe again, oblivious to my distress. “Jamie! Over here!”
Jamie glances over his shoulder, then disappears through the door, slamming it shut behind him.
“That’s weird,” says Chloe. “I’m sure he heard me. Shit. I’m going to miss my massage if we don’t leave soon.”
She looks at her watch again.
“We’re going to have to go,” she says. “But I need to pee first. Go and ask someone if they can fetch Jamie for us while I’m in the bathroom, Summer, will you? Maybe we can arrange to see him later.”
